A Week In The Life Of Jacob Black
by stacey218
Summary: They say that your life can be summed up in just handful of important days over your life time. Jacob had seven that made him who he was. And not all of them were good. J/B, DarkFic. Won 2nd highest hanky count & nommed for 5!  JBNP Awards . Thank you!
1. Author's Note

**Author's Note**

OK so this is my first real attempt at a twilight fan fiction. And by real I mean I've been working on this pretty diligently for several weeks. I already have several chapters written but they are still being tweaked. I was happy enough with the prologue and chapter one to put it up now. I'm hoping to do an update every two weeks or sooner unless other wise stated. However this is my first real fan fic so it may take longer than that for updates, just so you are all aware of how long you might have to wait. I guesstimating at about nine chapters (including prologue and epilogue) and each chapter should be around 6,000-8,000 words long, except for the prologue.

I should explain a few things before you continue onto the story. This was originally planned to be a one shot but it kind of snowballed one me. Normally I'll get an idea for a fic, write it down and never come back to it but this one stuck with me and I had to roll with it. I don't control the fic anymore; the fic has a life of its own now! However it still has a kinda one-shoty-ness to it, just cos I like it like that.

So as you have probably guessed, each chapter is a day of the week. However not everything that happens in each chapters is over the course of one day. You will probably be able to tell that for yourselves but I felt like clarifying just so there is no confusion. This is a Jacob/Bella story and although there will be no (direct) Edward bashing in this, if your looking for and Edward/Bella fic this probably isn't one for you. Also this will be told almost exclusively in Jacob POV. The first chapter is set at the end of Eclipse. I've tried to stay as close to the book as I can but some changes have been made, small though they may be. Live with it :D

I'm going to give out a general warning just now too. This fic is going to be quite dark. If you wish for a full list of warnings please feel free to private message me and I will get back to you ASAP. I don't want to put too much down for fear of giving away story lines but expect to see a lot of swearing, sexual references, dark and dangerous themes and just general 18 plus stuff.

Oh and disclaimer time! Yeah I don't own any characters in this fic (except of course those dreamed up by me). They all belong to Stephanie Meyer, I'm just making them dance for my entertainment *evil laugh*. But seriously don't sue me, I have no money.

One more thing I'd like to point out, I am not an American and I am trying my very very best to get the American English down pat for this but alas I am only human. I am bound to make a few mistakes. If you see any (cos I don't have a friendly beta to point them out to me) please let me know and I will fix it. Cos I'm kind of at the point where you just re-read over and over and don't see the mistakes anymore. Which is really annoying but what you gonna do?

Finally I would really love to hear what you guys think so don't be shy! Please tell me, good or bad, how you like the story, writing style etc. Ok I'm done now. Seriously you can read. Enjoy it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.


	2. Prologue

**Prologue**

My earliest memory is of her. Her hair turned red in the weak sunlight and she had ice cream on her cheeks. Daddy was wiping her face with a damp cloth. She was wearing a purple shirt and a frown. I didn't know her name but I knew she was the prettiest thing I had ever seen.

The tall man had brought her. My daddy said his name was Uncle Charlie. But I didn't know who this pretty girl was. My sisters were talking to her now, showing her their toys. She looked impressed with their toys. I looked down at my G.I Joe. Maybe I should give her G.I Joe, she would like that, and then she would like me.

I heard someone calling my name and I looked behind me, turning away from the pretty girl for a moment. My mommy came out of the front door with a blue shirt in her hands. She put her hands up and I copied her. She slipped the shirt over my head. I made sure to hold onto my G.I Joe.

"Mommy who's that?" I asked, pulling on her dress to get her attention as she sorted my clothes. Mommy looked down at me and picked me up. She held me close and touched my nose with a long finger. She smelt like flowers and soap.

"Who is who?" she asked me, tickling my tummy. I squealed and giggled and tried to get away. I almost lost G.I Joe, and that would have been bad. I held onto him tightly.

"Who is she?" I asked again pointing at the pretty girl. Mommy smiled.

"That's Bella, Uncle Charlie's little girl," Mommy told me walking toward the pretty girl and Uncle Charlie. Bella was a pretty name and it suited the pretty girl. I watched as Rebecca took her dolly back and Bella's face crumpled. Rebecca ran away with the dolly and the pretty girl looked so sad.

"She's pretty Mommy," I said and wrapped my arms round her neck "But she looks sad."

"Maybe you should tell her that and she would be happy," Mommy said. Of course, that made perfect sense. I nodded in agreement and Mommy put me down. I walked right up to the pretty girl. She was squatting down on the grass and her purple shirt was dirty now. I thrust out my G.I Joe.

"Hi I'm Jacob and this is G.I Joe and you should play with him so that you will be happy again." I said. The pretty girl looked at me funny but then she took G.I Joe out of my hands. She still didn't look happy. I tired again.

"And I think your pretty and Mommy said that if I told you then it would make you happy again," I said earnestly. Bella held G.I Joe by the head in one hand and pointed to herself with the other.

"I'm pretty?" she asked. I nodded and waited for her to smile and laugh and do happy things. But instead she looked at my G.I Joe again and frowned. I remembered when Mommy was sad that Daddy had a special way of making her happy. I decided to try one more time.

I grabbed a hold of Bella's purple shirt and she looked up at me. I stumbled a little bit closer and then I put my mouth on hers. That always made Mommy happy when Daddy did it, so it would have to make Bella happy too. I didn't realize at first that I was no longer touching the pretty girl. One moment I was holding her shirt, trying to make her happy, next second I was on the ground. Bella had pushed me away and then loudest noise I've ever heard wailed through the air.

"Daddy!" It was Bella. She was yelling! Had I mucked up the mouth on mouth thing? Mommy never yelled at Daddy after he did that. Mommy appeared then and scooped me up, taking me back toward the house. Uncle Charlie had picked up Bella and now _he_ was trying to make her happy, but he didn't have any G.I Joes so I didn't know what he was going to do. My G.I Joe had fallen on the ground; maybe Uncle Charlie would use him. Daddy was there in his special chair and he was laughing so much his whole body was shaking. I didn't know what I had done wrong. I decided to ask Mommy.

"Mommy what happened?" I asked "Why is Bella still sad?"

"I think you gave her a bit of a fright kiddo," Mommy said, laughing. I frowned. I didn't want to scare her. How had my plan failed so miserably? I reached out to Mommy, wrapping my hand into her soft hair.

"But you are happy when Daddy does that to you," I explained. It seemed obvious to me, but I couldn't figure out why it didn't work when I did it. I was sure I had done it right but maybe I would have to do it again to get it perfect.

"But Daddy and I love each other very much," Mommy said, opening the door and stepping inside our house. I could still hear Bella crying.

"But I love her too. She's the prettiest girl I've ever seen," I insisted "One day when were all grown up I'm going to marry her and then she will be happy". Mommy smiled at me and put me down on the couch. She sat down next to me and I cuddled up into her lap.

"Ok but I think you should ask Bella before you do that again. Ok Jake?" Mommy asked me. I nodded and wrapped my arms round her. Mommy held me and I felt warm and safe. The pretty girls face came to mind. I would do it, I decided. I would marry her one day and then she would be happy. I wanted nothing more than to make the pretty girl happy.

* * *

><p>My whole body shook violently as I stood. I was naked but I didn't care. Warm hands held me upright and Sam Uley's face appeared in front of me. He looked detached and his words were almost clinical.<p>

"Are you going to throw up, Jacob?"

I shook my head even though I wasn't sure if that was the truth. Embry was by my side and the hands left me. I swayed on my feet before I felt Embry lift one of my arms over his head to rest on his shoulders, supporting my body with his. I only realized I was moving when I almost tripped and was saved by Embry. My feet felt as if they were not connected to my body.

"He's almost as bad as Paul was," Jared scoffed, his large frame just in front of me "I thought our supposed Alpha would have been a bit tougher than this."

"Shut up Jared," Paul's voice was angry "You threw up twice."

"Yeah well at least I didn't faint."

"I did not faint!" Paul's voice sounded like he had just screamed through a mega phone. Could I scream that loud now? Paul and Jared were right up in each others faces. Sam sighed wearily.

"You so did, I've seen Sam's thoughts. You passed out like a little bi-ow!" Jared yelped as Paul's fist smashed into his face. The force of the blow knocked Jared from his feet. Embry stopped walking and so did I. An inhuman growl erupted from Jared, who reached up and touched his damaged nose with his fingers. They shone red in the moonlight.

Jared's whole body blurred once, twice and then Jared was gone. In his place was a huge dark brown wolf and it was hurtling toward Paul at a phenomenal speed. Paul was growling now too and threw him self forward, phasing mid stride. The smaller silver wolf smashed into the brown one with a sound like thunder. Sam had disappeared, reappearing as the black wolf that had chased me and pinned me to the forest floor when I was one of them. When I was in wolf form.

Oh God.

I watched as the wolves continued to fight moving out of my range of sight, the black Sam-wolf running after them. I could still hear the snapping and growling and it was so loud it made my ears ring. I could see trees shaking and the occasional loud crash told me someone, or something, had been thrown against one. I was definitely going to throw up now.

"Have I gone crazy?" I whispered, half afraid of what the answer would be. Embry chuckled sarcastically.

"You might as well have," he replied.

Fan-fucking-tastic.


	3. Chapter One: Sunday

**Chapter One**

**Sunday**

The feeling of her arms around my middle was ridiculously distracting. Why didn't I bring The Rabbit? I could feel her entire body against my back, her tiny frame pressed up against mine in ways that were nothing short of erotic. The way she was straddling the bike (and me) was making me want to pull over right now and ravish her on the side of the road.

Her inner thighs brushed against the outside of mine and her breasts were squashed against my back. Bella's face was pressed up against my shirt and I could feel her hot breath through the thin material. _Concentrate_, I told myself. Bella made it so much harder as her tiny hands moved up and down my stomach, clutching and grabbing. I definitely should have brought The Rabbit.

I tried to distract myself with anything I could think of. The rain had held off so far today (_she moved and her boobs dragged across my back_) maybe I would clean out the garage when I had a chance (_her hands tightened again, finger tips tracing little patterns on my stomach_) it really needed it. I hadn't properly cleaned it (_Her thighs squeezed mine_) since eighth grade (_I swear she groaned then, I swear it_) and Billy has been nagging me to do it forever.

Ok this isn't working, I thought to myself as I narrowly missed a blue pick up truck. The truck honked at me as I sped off down a side street. I was still traveling at full speed, trying to make it to the treaty line before the reeking blood suckers showed up. I was almost there. I checked my side view mirrors and thanked the high heavens that no shiny silver Volvo had shown up in them. I pushed the speed up to eighty and flew across the treaty line three minutes later. Only then did I slow down.

I was almost home and I had an agenda today and no amount of Bella was going to make me stray off that agenda; even though the agenda was about Bella. Still, I had to concentrate because this was so much more important than me loving Bella. I pulled up in my driveway and cut the engine. I felt Bella shuffle off the bike behind me and my back felt cold without her there. It was the first time I had ever felt cold since becoming a werewolf.

_Put your game face on Jake_, I chided myself. I kicked the bike into neutral and jumped off. I didn't look back as I pushed it into my garage. I could hear Bella's foot falls behind me. I propped the bike against the side of the garage, just inside the door and fiddled with the throttle. I just needed a few more seconds to myself. I needed to set up some rules; no touching, stay at least three feet away and for the love of god keep your feelings out of this. Because when ever I brought up how I felt it just spiraled into an argument and this was way too important.

"Jake is everything ok?" she asked as I turned to face her. She was sitting on the hood of my car, her skinny fingers resting on her jean clad knees. Her hair was a mess from the bike ride but I don't think she knew that. Her cheeks flushed under my gaze and she swallowed. I watched the motion of that in her jaw, her neck. I had to save her.

"Depends I guess," I said with a shrug. I wanted to step toward her but I knew if I did I would touch her and all my resolve would be gone. Plus I'd be breaking one of my game rules. I leant backwards against my bike instead. The motor was still warm. Bella waited.

"I need a bit more information than that," Bella said, exasperated and threw up her hands. Crunch time.

The pack had agreed that if the Cullen's bit Bella then the treaty would be broken and we would have no choice but to attack them. Because Bella would be one of them by then that meant attacking her too. The thought of Bella becoming a vampire was painful enough without having to consider that I would have to participate in the extermination of the Cullen's and by extension, the extermination of her. Because Sam had made it clear that if we were going to attack them, then we needed every single wolf to help. And even if she was a bloodsucker, the thought of that just about tore my heart out of my chest. I decided wasn't going to sugar coat this. I had tried that before and gotten nowhere. _Keep your cool_, I told myself.

"Are you still planning to change?" I blurted out. Bella's eyes dropped from mine instantly and she slid off the hood of the car. She wrapped her arms around her waist and turned her body away from me. I hadn't seen her do that since _he _broke her. I fought the urge to growl at her. I loved this girl so much but sometimes I just wanted to shake her. Shake some sense into her. Why was she making this so god damn hard?

"That's none of you business Jacob," she said sharply but some of the effect was lost due to the fact that she still wouldn't look at me.

"Like hell it isn't," I bit out and strode toward her. She winced as my voice rose. I grabbed her hand ignoring the voice in my head that was telling me that I had just broken two of my own mental rules. Her hand was so cold in mine but not as cold as she was intending it to be in the very near future. How could she not see how fucked up this was? I pulled her closer to me but she resisted.

"Let go of me," Bella's voice was so small. I let go of her hand and she instantly moved to the other side of the garage. I tried not to show how much that hurt me. But at least I had my three feet again even if I hadn't been the one to put the space between us.

"Bella you can't do this. Don't you realize what this means? If you go ahead with this, you'll break the treaty. We will have no choice but to retaliate." Bella opened her mouth to reply but I didn't let her.

"And what about Charlie? Or Renee? Are you just going to leave them? They are going to loose a daughter just because you love him_,_"I spat the last word. She dropped her head and I saw a little sparkling drop fall from her face and land on her shoe. I didn't let that deter me. She had to see what she was about to do. She had to understand.

"And what about everything you might want to do Bella?" I asked her "Or anything you might become? This is permanent. There is no turning back. You will have to give up everything that makes you, you. Is he really worth that?"

"But I love him Jake and he loves me," she said as if that solved everything. I shook my head at her in disbelief.

"How can you love him? He controls everything you do! Hell, he makes that psychic leech kidnap you whenever he leaves. That's not love Bella, its obsession! He acts like he owns you" my voice was way too loud just now but I didn't care. I had to make her see.

"Stop it Jake!" Bella's voice was shrill in anger. She was looking up at me now and tears streamed down her face. She always cried when she was mad. Soon she would never cry if I didn't stop this madness. She crossed the room now and she thrust her finger into my chest, stabbing me.

"You don't understand Edward or me! He would do anything for me. He doesn't want me to change; I want to change for him. He is everything to me and he's worth losing things for." Bella's voice was growing louder and louder.

"You're happy to give up your parents for him? That's fucked up Bella." Bella flinched. Good, she needed to wake up to the reality of the situation.

"I never said I was happy about it! I said he was worth it," her voice wasn't as loud now.

"What about me? Is it worth giving up me for him?" I ground out. _Way to go Jake_, my mind scolded me, _seriously what's the point of even having rules if you're not going to follow them?_ I ignored that voice. Bella shook her head but I wasn't sure if that was in answer to my question or if she was just trying to tune me out.

"You wouldn't have to give up anything for me Bella" I said, still ignoring the voice in my head that was screaming at me to stop "I can give you more than him and you know it."

"I need him to breathe Jake, you can't give me that."

"Bella he's bad for you! You can't see what you become when you're around him. You're almost less that human. I would rather you were dead than become one of those blood sucking parasites."

Bella's mouth dropped open and I instantly regretted what I had said. She yanked her shoulders back straightening her spine and glared at me. She stormed out of the garage. Shit.

"Bella come back. I'm sorry I didn't mean that."

"Leave me alone."

I reached out and grabbed her shoulder but she yanked away from me. I let go so I wouldn't accidentally dislocate it. She stomped away from me, up the driveway. It had decided to rain today after all and she stormed through puddles, soaking her sneakers.

"Bella wait! Please I'm sorry I didn't mean it." We were both in the rain now. She spun on her heel to face me. I stopped short with her just out of reach. I saw her shiver but I doubted it was from cold. I had never seen Bella so mad before and she was glorious. Her wet hair was stuck to her neck and dripping down her shirt. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes sparked.

"No you never get it! I love him Jacob, not you. I don't want you that way! Why can you leave it alone? Why can't you just accept my decision?"

"Because I know you love me too. And the thought of him sucking the life out of you, turning you into something so wrong, kills me!" I was desperate now. I reached out to her but she backed away from me again.

"I don't love you. I'll never love you," she said so quietly I wasn't sure I was meant to hear it. I let my arms drop to my sides. Bella fished a small silver phone out of her pocket. Even in the rain I could smell the scent of leech on it. I was struck dumb. I watched in silence as she called her dad, asking him to pick her up. I wanted to offer to take her home myself but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I watched the phone disappear back into her pocket.

"You don't mean that," I finally choked out. I knew she loved me. Bella turned her face upwards and I watched the rain drops trail down her face. I only knew she was still crying because I could smell the salt. She didn't look mad anymore. She looked at me in pity. It was the last thing I wanted.

"I'm so sorry Jacob," she said in a voice so soft and sad. She turned and walked away from me and I let her. I had never felt like more of a failure.

* * *

><p>"So how long are you going to be emo for?"<p>

"Shut up Leah."

"No seriously, do we have to put you on suicide watch or something? Cos there is no way I'm babysitting your depressed ass."

"I said, shut up! God you're so annoying," I growled at her as I pushed my way through dense trees. She kept up right behind me. I hated the pack mind so much sometimes and when I just wanted two seconds to myself she has to follow me? We had just finished patrol and were heading back. I had opted for two legs because I was sick of everyone telling me to give up on Bella. Leah had phased back because Sam was running the second patrol. I didn't blame her for that. If anyone could understand what she was going through it was me. But did she have to walk with me?

"Seriously can't you just phase and run back on all fours. I want to be alone."

"But you'd miss me," Leah teased. I sped up but she kept up easily. Stupid werewolf abilities.

"Yeah like a hole in the head" I muttered, jumping from one log to another. Leah had only been a wolf for about a month but it had definitely been a long month. If anyone was emo it was her. Her mind was so difficult to be around and it tended to pull everyone else into an angry, depressive state. I was already angry and depressed ninety-nine percent of the time so it really didn't help me at all.

I remember when Leah was nice, back when I was about thirteen. She used to come over a lot because the twins were still home then. She would always smile at me and ask me how I was. She even used to sneak me some of Rachael's special ice cream that she would never share with me. Seth remembered more of it. He thought of how Leah used to be before the entire werewolf and Sam-Emily thing went down the most. Everyone knew how much he missed his sister and we all knew how much that hurt Leah as well.

"I don't get it though Jacob, what's so good about her?" Leah asked. I could see her out of the corner of my eye. Leah was stunning and she knew it. Long, lean, graceful and a mouth from hell. It didn't stop half the guys in La Push lusting after her even though she was a major bitch. I ignored her question, praying she'd just drop it. She didn't.

"I mean she's just some angsty, leech-loving pale face," Leah continued, seemingly unaware of how close I was to loosing it with her "Have you seen the way other girls look at you? You could have any of them and I bet none of them would hurt you as much as she does. Or are you a secret masochist?"

Ok take a deep breath and count to ten. One, two, three…

"I've met her she's not that special," Four, five and six…

"And you know she's never going to leave the blood sucker for you," I only made it to eight.

"Leah just drop it ok? It's got nothing to do with you" I snapped at her. I could feel my hands shaking.

"It has everything to do with me! We already have to partake in the newborn battle for her skinny ass. And because you're so in love with her we are probably going to have to take out the Cullen's at some point and then someone will probably get hurt.," Leah fumed. By someone I knew she meant Seth.

"I'm working on that" I replied crisply. Leah reached out and grabbed my arm. Her hand was like iron around my bicep. I turned and looked down at her. Her eyes were narrowed and she spat her words at me.

"By trying to persuade her not to change? Jesus Christ, wake up Jacob. She's going to change into one of them. Deal with it"

That was the last straw. Phasing back would be better than this. I turned away from her, yanking my arm out of her grasp with a violent amount of force. I felt my shoulder connect with something hard followed by a crack and a muffled yelp.

"Ah, you bastard!" Leach cried, at least that's what I think came out of her mouth. It was all garbled. I glanced over my shoulder and swore. She was on her back holding her chin and her lip was bleeding. I hadn't even heard her fall. I knelt down next to her. I looked down at my shoulder and saw a small healing gash. I must have got her teeth.

"I'm sorry! I really didn't mean it. Shit, I didn't even know I had done that," I apologized. Leah glared at me. Sam was going to skin me alive when he saw this. Leah's jaw was dislocated.

"Shove your apology where the sun-"

"Shut up, you're going to make it worse" I snapped. Surprisingly Leah stopped talking but if looks could kill I would definitely be dead right now. I reached out to touch her face but she pulled away from me.

"I'm going to have to push this back into place or its going to heal wrong" I explained. Leah let loose a groan that sound suspiciously like 'fuck you' before letting me gently touch her jaw. I knelt over her body, one knee on each side of her waist. Leah's hand came up and gripped my right arm. I saw a glimmer of fear in her eyes but I didn't bruise her ego by mentioning it. I gripped her jaw softly with my right hand, my left holding onto the back of her head to steady her. Sadly this was not the first time I had had to do this. Quil was ridiculously clumsy for a werewolf.

"Ok on the count of three" I said. Leah nodded as much as my hands would allow.

"One, two, three!" I pushed hard and there was a loud crunching noise. Leah's eyes widened and her hand on my arm squeezed so tightly it just about stopped blood flow, but she didn't make a sound. I felt the bones slide back into place and let go of her jaw but I kept my other hand in her hair while she took a few moments to recover.

"I'm so sorry Leah. I really didn't-"

"Its ok," Leah panted, stretching her jaw. Her hand let go of my arm and I took that as a cue to move away from her. She rubbed at her jaw and I waited. She seemed ok. She spat out the blood that had collected in her mouth onto the muddy floor.

"So do I get to break one of your bones as pay back?" Leah grumbled, wiping her chin. I chucked at her.

"Yeah get in line" I said. She looked at me quizzically and I sighed.

"Sam will kill him when he finds out about this," I explained, tapping my temple. Leah snorted.

"Sam can go fuck himself," she exclaimed, climbing to her feet. She started to walk back in the direction of La Push. I fell in step with her.

"I'll be sure to tell him so." I replied and she laughed dryly. We walked in silence and I kept shooting glances at her. I knew she would be fine but I was feeling like an ass. I had never dislocated anyone's jaw before, let alone a girls. Yep Sam was definitely going to kill me. Or at least assign me to double patrols until the end of all time.

"So are you still going to pine away for Bella?" Leah asked quietly after about five minutes of silent walking. I groaned.

"I dunno. Are you still going to pine away for Sam?"

"I do not pine for Sam!" Leah snapped.

"Well then I don't pine for Bella"

"You know what, I don't care anymore." Leah pushed back a tree branch with much more force than necessary. It snapped in her hand and she threw it into the forest behind her.

"Good."

"But I will say one more thing," Leah said, bending at the waist to pick up a small rock. She tossed it from hand to hand like it was a base ball.

"Dear Lord do you have to?" I moaned. Leah looked at me like I was mentally challenged.

"What?"

"I'm trying to help you and you are being an ass"

"Just cos your not getting any doesn't mean you have to insult mine" I retorted, ducking as she threw her rock in my direction.

"Yeah cos you're really rolling in it," se said with a snort. That shut me up. She stopped walking and crossed her arms. I stopped too but I couldn't quite meet her gaze.

"Really though Jake you can do better than her. I'm just saying you have options, you don't have to settle for someone who is as crazy as Bella Swan" she said softly.

"Are you offering to be one of the options?" I asked with a cheeky grin.

"God you're such a pig"

"And you're a bitch." We glared at each other for a moment before Leah started laughing at me. I gave up. I didn't understand women, werewolf or not.

* * *

><p>The kiss was brutal. Ok I enjoyed it I won't lie, but under the physical side of it, she was tearing my soul apart. Her arms stayed at her sides, fists clenched. Her lips were frozen under mine. I felt a surge of anger at her and as much as I loved her, in that moment, I hated her too. I grabbed at her body, bringing her arms around my neck only letting go when I was certain she wouldn't move them. But she was still passive against me. It wasn't supposed to be like this. She loved me, why could she never show it? Why was that always a little bit too much?<p>

I felt a small growl grow in my chest. Even now, when it's so obvious to everyone that she loves me, she won't respond? I wrapped my arms around her delicate waist and pulled away from her lips. I thrust her hips into mine forcefully. One hand moved to her lower back, keeping her against my body. I kissed her temple gently. The frigid wind blasted around us and Bella shivered.

"You can do better than this Bella," I whispered in her ear whilst drawing in the scent of her hair "You're over thinking it"

I nibbled on her ear lightly, tracing the curve with my tongue. The wolf in me growled in satisfaction when I felt the shiver travel down her back. I grinned against her ear and did it again.

"That's right" I murmured gently, tracing her spine with my hand and letting it rest behind her neck "Just let yourself feel it Bella"

I wrapped my fingers around her hair at the base of her skull gently and looked down at her from my outrageous height. I waited for a second for that look that she always got just when she was about to reject me. Line blurring, she called it. How could she not see that the lines were always blurred when it came to us? They were supposed to be blurred.

The little crease appeared between her eyebrows, the one that always showed up when she over thought things. I unwound my hand from her long hair and traced her jaw line with my finger tips. Her lips parted and I heard the little gasp she made at my gentle touch. Her eyes burned into mine. Suddenly the hands round my neck were no longer passive. They crept up my skull and fisted into my hair. It felt like heaven.

"Kiss me Jacob," Bella said again, only this time it wasn't out of fear. It was love. She pulled my head down to hers and our lips crashed together and for a moment my world stopped. Everything around me was Bella, Bella, Bella. Her lips, so soft and warm, moved against mine in ways that made a fire grow in my belly. She opened her mouth, letting me in and she tasted so fucking sweet. Like strawberries and cream. I felt like I was drowning in her and I had no desire to come up for air.

I growled against her lips and wrapped a strong arm around her hips, lifting her off the ground, and pulling her flush against my body. There were no words to describe the way her hands clutched at my shoulders or the way she moaned against my mouth. It was heaven and nothing less. Her knees straddled my hips and squeezed gently. Oh God if she did that again I was going to come undone.

I kissed her with a new found passion and I poured every ounce of my heart into that kiss and I knew she felt it. Because every ounce of her heart was in it too. It had finally happened. She knew. She loved me.

* * *

><p>"Be careful!" Sam yelled at Embry who was moving too fast or something. I didn't know and frankly I didn't care. All I cared about was the fire that was burning all the way down the right side of my body. I was officially in hell. How was it that an hour ago I felt untouchable but now I could barely breathe? And not in a good way.<p>

I could feel my bones grinding together. My wolf genes were trying to heal me but they were healing my bones all wrong. White hot pain coursed through my body and I was sure that if there were some Guinness World Record people around I would have had a record for the most consecutive cursing. I should contact them later.

"Goddammit!" I groaned as we finally made it out of the trees. My left side dropped suddenly. Someone had tripped. I thought the fire was bad before? Well it was nothing compared to it now as my battered right side slammed against the shoulder blades of my brothers. Distantly I heard a familiar voice. My head spun and my vision was tunneling but I was sure I had heard my dad.

I knew I was screaming and cursing but I didn't care. Where was that leech? Dr Fang was supposed to be here with pain killers by now. I raised my eyes skyward and the light from the weak sun almost blinded me. I felt my head roll back and could see my house in the distance. I was upside down to me but I could see someone near the front door. I _had_ heard my dad. He was on the porch but he was a blur. I only knew it was him because his wheel chair glinted silver in the sunlight.

"Dad," I moaned, even though he was too far away to hear me. I knew it made me sound like a pussy but I didn't care. I just wanted my bed and copious amount of morphine. And Bella. God I hoped she was ok. I hoped the Italian leeches wouldn't kill her while I was stuck here unable to protect her.

"We are almost there Jake," Jared promised "Just hold on a little longer"

I remember when I was little all I had wanted to be was a firefighter. I thought that would be a pretty cool job with the big fire truck and the siren. Instead I got to be a werewolf that fights against new born vampire armies and gets one whole side of my body destroyed. My guidance counselor would be pissed.

"I could of taken the leech I swear. You didn't have to cut in Jake. I had it" Leah's voice sounded far off but I could hear the panic in it. Sam told her to shut up. Suddenly a face loomed above me. Charlie.

"What the hell happened?" he asked, moving out of my line of sight as I was carried past him. My right side was jarred again and I heard something deep inside my right shoulder snap. It was a sickening sound but I don't think anyone else heard it but me, because the sounds coming out of my mouth deafened that tiny noise. I swear I heard my voice echoing back at me off the distant cliffs. Some how I overheard Paul telling Charlie I had wrecked my bike.

"Hey Charlie," I moaned as my eyes closed against my will. I felt darkness grab at me and I had never been more grateful "Bet your pissed Bella loves me today instead of Cullen"

* * *

><p>Bella sat on my bed and gently touched my forehead. Her hand was wonderfully cool. I sighed and closed my eyes. She was going to break me. It was ridiculous that this tiny, frail girl had so much power over me. Her scent filled my small room and I was defenseless against her. Life's a bitch sometimes.<p>

I felt her hand leave my face. Her heart was hammering and so was mine. I wish she would just say it already instead of drawing this out. She would never leave the blood sucker. Her fingers brushed my injured shoulder so lightly I was half sure I had imagined it. The room was spinning from all the extra morphine the leech had given me.

"Jake look at me," Bella whispered "Please? I need to see you"

I took a deep breath and steeled myself. This was it. I knew how it would go. _'Jake I love you but I love him more. I need him and you will never be good enough for me. Even though he's a filthy leech who is going to suck the life out of me and make me give up everything to be with him. And though I wouldn't have to change at all to be with you Jake, and you are exactly right for me in every way, I still love him more than you'._

Ok maybe it wouldn't be like that but along those lines for sure. I became aware that my lungs were burning. I let loose my breath and opened my eyes. I was not in any way prepared for what I saw. She was smiling at me. What, was she enjoying this? Enjoying ripping out my heart? Anger surged through my veins and if I hadn't been all bandaged up I would have pushed away from her. She must have seen the change in mood because her smile fell away.

"Just do it already" I ground out through clenched teeth. I just wanted her gone now. I needed time alone, away from her and her intoxicating scent. God I just wanted to bury my face in her hair, even now. Her hand came back to my face. I flinched when it touched me but she held it there. I watched as her pink tongue darted out and wet her lips. Torture. This is torture.

"Jacob I'm in love with you," Bella whispered. Her chocolate eyes held mine with ease. Her fingers traced down my jaw. Yes, I knew she loved me. I had always known that, but it was never enough. Was anything enough when it came to Bella? I looked away from her until she became a blur in my peripheral vision and waited for the 'but'. Because there was a but coming. There always was a but with Bella.

"Jake I love you" she said again and looked at me expectantly. Her fingers trailed down my neck and rested on my shoulder again and I sighed. I was going to have to participate in my downfall. I whipped my head back around a glared at her.

"I've always known that Bella," I spat, my voice laced with venom. I couldn't understand why she was dragging this out. Couldn't she just spit it out, break my heart, and then leave me alone to lick my wounds. No pun indented.

"No Jake you don't understand," she said slowly like she was explaining something ridiculously simple "I'm in love with you. I choose you. I want you!"

I looked at her warily. I did not just hear that. She picked me? What about Cullen and being changed. No, this as definitely the morphine talking. I was hallucinating. A full blown Bella hallucination. A pervey part of my brain wondered what I could get away here with Imaginary Bella. She looked real though and I was sure I could feel her hand still on my shoulder. No, real Bella would never do this. There was no way this was real. I was definitely hallucinating. But what if I wasn't? Maybe I should make sure; you know just to be safe. Worse comes to worse I could let pervey Jacob take over for awhile. This was a win-win situation.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked carefully. Bella looked at me incredulously. And then she giggled. She actually giggled. I frowned at her, my anger rising yet again. Imaginary Bella was being a bitch.

"You're laughing at me?" I practically roared. I expected that to silence her but it didn't. In fact she giggled harder. I heard someone stand in the living room but Sam's deep voice told them to sit down.

"Oh Jacob your hopeless," Bella gasped out "You are forever telling me that you love me and that I loved you back and when I finally tell you that I'm choosing you, you don't believe me?"

She said it again. She had chosen me. Morphine and hallucinations were momentarily forgotten. I tried to sit up in bed but Bella kept her hand on my shoulder. I let her push me down but I reached out with my left hand and cupped her face. I had to touch her to know this was real. Her skin was like silk beneath my palm. I felt heat and watched as her cheeks turned rosy. They would always stay rosy now, right? If she chose me that meant she wouldn't become one of those lifeless corpses. Right?

Where did this leave the blood suckers then? Just this morning Bella was telling me that she loved Edward. They were engaged for Christ's sake! Were they going to leave Forks or would Edward stick around and try to win Bella back? Did Edward even know about this yet?

"What about Cullen?" I asked and Bella's smile fell off her face again. She looked down and pulled her hand away from my arm. She started picking at my blanket with her nail. I desperately wanted her to look at me, to see what was going on behind those eyes but I waited patiently.

"Ed-Edward said he would respect my decision," she stuttered. She glanced back up at me with big round eyes "I don't know if they plan to leave though". So no immediate Cullen evacuation would be taking place. That was ok I could deal with them later.

"Why though?" I asked. Bella looked at me funny so I clarified.

"Why choose me now?"

"I think I chose you long ago but I didn't want to face it right away you know?" Bella said. I frowned and thought for a moment.

"No I don't know" I said, shaking my head Bella laughed softly at me.

"Maybe it's a girl thing," she offered with a shrug.

"No I think it's a Bella thing." Bella smiled at me then and I felt my heart swell.

"Maybe. I think I knew all along that you were right for me but when you kissed me…I don't know it just fell into place. It felt right and I didn't want to give that up. The thought of giving it up hurt me. It hurt me more than when Edward left and so I just knew you were the one for me"

I nodded and grabbed at her tiny left hand. Her ring finger was bare. I smiled at her and she grinned back. I pulled gently on her arm and she got the hint. She lent over me, careful not to touch any injuries, and pressed her lips to mine. I felt no pain at all anymore. Her lips were better than morphine any day. I ran my fingers up her arm and groaned as she deepened the kiss. She jumped back instantly.

"Sorry!" she exclaimed "Where does it hurt? Should I get them to bring more pain killers?"

Now it was my turn to laugh at her.

"It doesn't hurt, you just feel so good," I said teasingly. Bella scowled at me and pulled back further. I reached out and grabbed her hand again, tracing small circles on her palm. Her hand was so tiny it almost disappeared in mine. I looked down at our joined hands.

"Is this real?" I whispered still staring at our hands. I had to make sure, just one more time.

"Very real," Bella assured me. She was smiling and her hair tumbled down her back and she was mine. She was beautiful and human and mine. The wolf in me growled in contentment.

I won Bella's heart on a Sunday.


	4. Chapter Two: Monday

**Chapter Two**

**Monday**

"Call in sick," I whispered and kissed along her neck gently. Bella moaned and stretched out next to me. Her round little bottom ground into my hips and I almost lost it. I gently bit her shoulder and I was rewarded with another little groan.

"I can't," she said breathlessly "They need me today."

"I need you today" I teased. I turned her onto her back and gazed down at her. Even after four years I still couldn't believe such a beautiful creature was mine. Her arms were above her head and the morning light caught in her long brown hair that was spread out over the white pillows. Her rosy lips were parted and her cheeks were stained pink. Her milk white skin glowed and I wanted to kiss every inch of it.

"Your fucking gorgeous you know that, right?" I asked her. I lowered my body down onto hers and kissed her hungrily. She kissed me back, her arms wrapping around my neck. I would never tire of this, of the way Bella's skin felt next to mine or of the way she tasted. I released her mouth and Bella tried to pull away from me. I wasn't having any of that. I held her down effortlessly with one hand. Being a werewolf had its perks after all.

"Don't try and distract me with complements," Bella said with a groan. She stopped wriggling and looked up at me. "Come on I have to go in today".

Bella worked at Forks High School. Three years of college had flown by and Forks High had pretty much given her a job before she had even graduated. Now she was a full time English teacher and raved about it all the time. It was the happiest I'd seen her doing something normal and human. I called her Miss. Swan sometimes, just to tease her.

"Fine!" I exclaimed and rolled off her. I laid in bed and watched her walk over to our closet, naked, to pick out her clothes for today. I was working only part time as a mechanic at Dowlings. I couldn't get a full time job, not with the stress of the pack to worry about as well. Between us we didn't really have that much money but we got by.

We had found a tiny little shack of a place on the outskirts of La Push to rent. It only had one bedroom, one bathroom and kitchen and a den but it was good enough for us. Bella had discovered an amazing talent for bargain shopping and had managed to furnish the house in heaps of mismatching furniture from flea markets and charity shops. It looked fantastic.

I stumbled out of bed and into the shower. I had to patrol today and I wasn't looking forward to it. Sam had stepped down as Alpha and I had grudgingly stepped up. We hadn't seen any bloodsuckers for well over three years but we still had to patrol just in case. Plus I didn't want any surprise visitors from Italy slipping through to check up on Bella's human status.

"I'm probably going to be home late tonight" Bella yelled from the bedroom. She walked through in a blue blouse and jeans and stood in front of the mirror. She picked up a little brush and attempted to contain her hair into a ponytail. It didn't work too well be she still looked amazing to me.

"How come?" I asked turning my head toward her behind the clear shower door. I met her eyes in the mirror but she looked away from me and fussed with her shirt.

"I dunno some teacher meeting thing we all have to attend," she mumbled awkwardly. She didn't look back up at me. She's lying, I thought, but decided to let it go. I'd find out about it later. We could never keep secrets from each other for very long. Our Christmases and birthdays were always ruined that way. We always unwrapped our presents knowing what was inside because we always told each other long before we actually opened them. We always played it up though and pretended to be surprised. It had become a tradition.

"Ok well I have to patrol but we are heading back to Emily's afterwards. Emily said to invite you over for dinner anyway" I said as I scrubbed the shampoo out of my hair.

"Sure, sure," Bella replied. She glanced down at the little silver watch on her wrist "I gotta go, I'm late. I'll see you tonight"

"Kiss me before you go," I said opening the screen door and holding out a wet arm. She looked at it warily.

"If you so much as think of pulling me into that shower I will kill you Jacob Black," Bella threatened. It was so cute when she tried to look intimidating. I wondered how she kept an entire class of teenagers in line. I laughed at her and gave her my best would-I-ever-do-that-to-you look. She wasn't fooled.

"Yeah, yeah laugh it up wise guy. You act like I don't know you" Bella grinned at me as she said this and allowed my damp arm to pull her closer to me. I kissed her gently, savoring her strawberry taste. Her hand traced up my chest, ignoring the spray from the shower head, setting traces of fiery pleasure up and down my body. I gripped her arm tightly, tracing my fingers in circles on her elbow. Reluctantly I pulled away.

"See I can be good, Miss Swan," I teased. I kissed her forehead and whisper in her ear "What would I do without you?"

Bella pulled back and for a second her face looked terrified. Her eyes were wide, scared. Before I could comment it was gone and Bella was smiling at me. She stepped back and closed to shower door between us.

"I'll see you tonight, save me some food"

* * *

><p>As much as I had been dreading it, it felt good to run flat out in wolf form. Nothing compared to it. It was only me and Quil out today. Quil was distracted. It was Claire's first year in school and he wasn't used to being apart from her so much.<p>

_Hope she doesn't hurt herself. I saw her eyeing that jungle gym and it's so high, what if she falls from it? What if the other kids bully her? I think I'd get in heaps of shit if I beat up a five year old. I wonder if I could sneak off and just check up on he. Just to make sure she's ok…_

I tuned out Quil's worrying. It did no good to reassure imprint people. They had to see their imprint to believe you. So long as he didn't actually try to sneak off I could ignore him. I forced my legs to push harder, propelling me through the trees at an unbelievable speed. So far today we had found no leeches, not that we were really expecting to. After the huge battle four years ago we had only had one random nomad pass through our borders. We had quickly annihilated him before he even knew what hit him. We only ran patrols now to make sure none of the Volturi ever came sniffing around or any of the Cullen's showed up.

The Cullen's had left three days after Bella had broken up with Edward and chosen me. The last time I had seen Edward had been that morning in the tent. He had sent me a letter though. He said (in perfect cursive, the flashy bastard) that he respected Bella's decision to be with me but if I ever hurt her he would be there in an instant. He had said he would always watch out for her, waiting in the shadows should I ever step down or Bella leave me. I never showed it to Bella. It was the one secret I had kept from her.

I had quickly shredded it and thrown it in the trash. I couldn't believe the balls on that leech. As if I would ever hurt Bella. He was the one who had broken her and left her lifeless for months on end. I had never caught any scent of Edward so I could only assume that the future seeing leech was keeping tabs on her. The thought of that made my blood boil. I growled and pushed myself even harder. Sometimes I wish I did pick up on his scent. Any excuse to tear into him would be fine by me.

_Chill man, _Quil said. I was surprised he had even heard me through all of his worrying. I could still hear the mantra of Claire in the back of his mind but his attention was on me now.

_The Cullen's aren't going to show up Jake (hope she's all right, don't fall, so small), _Quil assured me. _It's been years and we haven't heard a word from them (kill them if they hurt her, she's so cute when she laughs) or picked up any of their scents (she smells so pretty in the sun and her hair looks like its floating in the wind). Just let it go man._

_Sure, sure, _I grumbled and pulled in my patrol line. I was pretty much in Forks which was far out of our normal patrol run. I pushed The Cullen's to the back of my mind. I felt suddenly empty and remember the smell of chicken that had been coming from Emily's house when we had passed it an hour ago. My stomach growled ferociously. Sometimes I fantasized about entering an eating contest. I would win that hands down.

_Let's pull in. Colin and Brady should be heading out by the time we make it back to Emily's and I'm starving, _I decided. I spun my massive wolf body back in the direction of La Push. Bella could make a hell of a good lasagna but Emily's chicken was famous amongst the pack. It was so good I was practically drooling.

_Awesome idea man, _Quil's thoughts were enthusiastic as he headed back to base. Even though Sam was no longer Alpha (hell he didn't even phase anymore) Emily's place was still where everyone gathered. It was just too well positioned to give up on it. Plus the food was really good. For awhile the pack had thought about using my house to replace Emily's once Sam had well and truly given up pack life but it was too far behind La Push to be a convenient gathering spot. Emily's was smack in the middle so we still used it.

As I made my way to La Push I couldn't help but to think back on this morning. Bella had never looked at me like that. I was sure I had seen fear in her eyes but why? It had been bugging me all day. Every fifteen minutes or so her face would pop up into my mind with that look and I couldn't help but to worry about her.

_She's fine Jake. Just relax about Bella; she's a big girl she can look after herself, _Quil interrupted, irritated with my thoughts, his voice painfully loud in my skull. I mentally winced and Quil apologized. Sometimes if we thought things to each other with too much emotion it was like they were getting yelled at you, but unlike when you screamed at someone there was really no limit on the volume of a mental cry. And sometimes it was fucking loud.

_Like you can talk, _I scoffed and played back some of Quil's earlier worrying back at him. Quil bristled and gave me the mental equivalent of a jab in the ribs. My brain ached. I missed when Tylenol used to work to cure head aches, now I just had to live with it. I felt Colin's mind join ours and the Brady's just a moment later.

_Yo Alpha man, _Brady's voice boomed in my mind _Emily's saved you guys some grub. Personally I reckon I should have eaten it for you but Emily is mean with that wooden spoon. If I didn't heal so fast I'd have a lump the size of Africa on the back of my head. _Colin and Brady were still our youngest wolves. No more had phased after them and the Elders were pretty sure they'd be the last, for our generation at least.

_Yeah it was fucking good, but Paul was eyeing it and his head is hard enough to break that spoon, _Colin chimed in. I didn't doubt that for a second. Paul and Rachel had gotten married three months ago and the whole time I fantasized about breaking one of the church pews over his back. Not that it would have done any good. I knew it was imprinting and all but seriously, that was my sister. No one would ever be good enough for her, even an imprint, in my eyes.

_Thanks guys, _I said softly as I felt Quil's mind fade out, _It's been all clear so just keep it tight around La Push. You coming to Emily's tonight for dinner?_

_Nah man, _Colin replied, _Party down at first beach for all us sexy seniors. Gonna get me some chicks tonight for sure! _I felt more than heard Brady's excitement and shook my giant head. No one else had imprinted after Paul and the rest of the wolves may have exploited their new found muscle on the local female population more than they probably should. Embry was a notorious ladies man; you now the kind that mother's warn their daughters about and Colin idolized him. As much as it annoyed Embry he let it go, even now when Colin was starting to imitate him in almost every way.

_All right, later. Keep an eye out though, _I sent before phasing back without waiting for a reply. I pulled my cut off sweats off my ankle and walked the last mile to Emily's. It was starting to rain but I barely felt it. Bella's worried face was in my mind again. I hoped she was ok.

* * *

><p>"Mine!" Claire screamed at the top of her lungs. The noise was deafening. How could someone so small scream so loudly? I watched as Claire roughly pulled the blonde Barbie doll out of Terry's pudgy hands. Terry was Sam and Emily's eighteen month old boy and he loved Claire even though she always pushed him away. Terry's face crumpled and his chubby cheeks turned red. Oh god there was going to be even more screaming in about three seconds.<p>

I reached down and grabbed Terry off the floor. I held him high up in the air before tucking him into my side. The shock of suddenly going flying through the air halted what was sure to be a temper tantrum of epic proportions.

"Hey buddy. You don't want that, that's a girl's toy" I said to him, bending down to pick up one of the many scattered toys on the floor. I gave him an army tank and he promptly shoved it into his mouth. He drooled over the plastic toy happily as I carried him over to the couch and plopped down with him. It was almost six and Bella still hadn't shown up yet.

The whole pack was here except for Colin and Brady. Embry's latest girlfriend was clinging meekly to his side looking more than a little intimidated by all of the loud men arguing over food on the tiny round table. I was pretty sure her name was Nadia, but don't quote me on that one. Kim was talking to her; they went to college together apparently. A small scuffle broke out when Jared stole one of Seth's dinner rolls. Quil had picked up Claire and had joined me on the couch. Sam and Paul were being majorly soppy, sharing stories of wedded bliss. Rachel was laughing loudly from the little kitchen with Emily. Even Leah was in town.

Leah had left not long after the newborn battle. She had gone to college in the city and had completely given up phasing. Only she and Sam had managed to do that so far (apparently it was like going through drug withdrawal. Shakes, pains and a ridiculous urge to phase at every second. Just something else to look forward too). She was still as bitchy as ever though. She was leaning against the wall in the corner of the small den/dining room and texting rapidly on her cell, ignoring everyone around her.

"Jay-Jay," Terry cooed at my side. He had dropped his tank and had latched onto my arm, drooling all over me.

"Gee thanks. I save you from Claire and you slobber on me? Real nice kid," I joked and pulled him out in front of me. Emily appeared in at the end of the couch and stretched out her hands. As soon as Terry saw her he reached out his little arms at her. Emily smiled at him and picked him up, cuddling the little body to her chest.

"Thanks for keeping him occupied Jake. Every time I turn around he's getting himself into trouble" she said with a smile, pushing a loose strand of inky hair off her face.

"Don't worry about it," I mumbled as I wiped Terry's drool on to the arm of the couch. Claire was singing a song from Aladdin and Quil had joined in with her. Claire thumped her battered Barbie against Quil's chest in time with the beat. Emily gave Terry to Sam before rushing back into the kitchen as a timer starting beeping shrilly. Terry started crying as soon as his mother was out of sight. Leah's phone rang and she started talking loudly on it to be heard over the din. Jared crowed with victory at saving his dinner roll and the girls laughed at him. It was a mad house.

I stood up leaving Quil alone with his Disney princess and pushed my way through the throng to the front door. I heaved a sigh of relief when I was outside on the porch. It was some what quieter out here. I sat down heavily on one of the wooden lawn chairs and stretched my long arms above my head, listening to the bones pop.

I pulled my cell out of my pocket. It was only 6.07 pm. Where the hell was Bella? Don't get me wrong I'm never normally this paranoid about her where abouts. Bella could go where she pleased but I still had alarm bells going off in my brain about this morning. I had expected a text from her by now telling me what was wrong but I hadn't heard from her all day.

Suddenly headlights lit up the porch. I looked up as Bella ancient truck (which against all odds and thanks to my mad skills was still running) pulled up into Emily's drive. I watched as she killed the engine and stumbled out of the cab. She crunched up the drive toward me and climbed the steps heading for the door. She couldn't see me in the darkness. I reached out and brushed her side with long fingers. The scream was so loud I swear my ear drums were bleeding.

"Jesus Jake! You scared the shit out of me," she yelled, smacking me in the chest with her hand. It was like a feather. I stood up and grinned at her. I was still holding onto her side and pulled her toward me.

"Sorry honey I couldn't resist," I said as she curled her little body round mine "If it makes you feel better I'm pretty sure I'm now deaf in at least one ear"

"Sorry" she said quietly into my chest. I frowned at her even though she couldn't see it. I was expecting her to tell me I deserved it or joke with me. I pulled her back by her shoulders gently and cupped her face in my oversized hand, forcing her to look up at me.

"I've been worried about you today. Is everything alright? You seem… different" I asked softly. Her eyes dropped from mine and I could tell she would have hid her face from me if I wasn't holding it in place. You know how sometimes people talk about gut reactions. Like when you know something awful is going to happen right before it does? Yeah I had that now. Something was wrong, really wrong.

My first reaction was fear. Was she going to leave me? Was she back in touch with the leech or something? I tried to calm myself down but when Bella pulled away from me, stepped out of my embrace and crossed her slim arms over her chest, my anxiety rose even further. The last time she had pulled away from me was in my garage all those years ago. For the second time since becoming a werewolf I felt cold.

"I'm fine Jake," she said in a voice barely above a whisper. She wasn't even looking in my direction now. She was studying her sneakers like they were the most fascinating thing in the world. I took a deep breath and reached out toward her. I felt like she had slapped me when she flinched away.

"You're lying," I accused, letting my hand drop to my side. Thanks to my werewolf sight I could see her blanch even in the darkness.

"No I'm not," she insisted, taking another step backwards "I'm fine. Really I am"

"Bullshit Bella" I ground out, my voice hoarse and tight "You think I don't know when you're lying to me? What's going on?"

"Nothing Jake," Bella exclaimed and reached up to push a stray hair behind her ear. I don't know how I missed it before but my eyes zeroed in on her arm. The sleeves of her hoodie were pushed back around her elbows but that wasn't what caught my attention. On the inside of her right arm was a huge hand-shaped purple, black bruise. A huge hand-shaped purple and black bruise that had definitely not been there this morning.

"What the fuck is that?" I asked and grabbed her wrist pulling her arm into the light that was shining through the front door even thought I didn't need the extra light. Bella tried to pull her arm out of my hand but I didn't even feel it. Her other hand came up and yanked her sleeve down over her arm. I could hear a growl in my chest. Someone had hurt Bella. She wasn't even trying to lie, trying to tell me she had fallen or something. Someone had hurt her. I felt my body ripple.

"Jake calm down" Bella hissed. She pulled against my hand and I let it go. I was shaking so badly I couldn't have held onto it if I tried.

"Who did that to you?" I growled. I was going to hunt the bastard down and rip him limb from limb. I would kill him slowly for hurting Bella. Even that sounded too good for them. My entire body shuddered and I felt like I was going to lose it and phase right there on the front porch.

"Can we talk about this later?" Bella asked me, looking into my eyes voluntarily for the first time since she arrived. Her eyes were pleading with me, begging me to drop the subject. I was suddenly aware of the silence around us. Everyone inside had gone quiet. They must have over heard us.

"Please Jake. Later, I promise" Bella all but whispered. I took a deep breath and strode toward the front door. I could never deny Bella anything when she begged me like that. I pushed open the door roughly and caught guilty looks. Everyone looked away hastily. Leah was stabbing the same key on her cell phone pad in an attempt to look like she was still ignoring everyone. Oh yeah real smooth. I felt one more violent shudder before I pulled my body back under my control.

I heard Bella enter behind me but she didn't stop next to me. Instead she walked past me quickly, dumping her small hand bag on the floor next to the couch and leant against the kitchen work bench. Emily nervously cleared her throat her eyes darting back and forth between Bella and me before announcing that dinner was ready.

* * *

><p>I drove Bella's truck home in silence. We hadn't spoken since she had promised me she would tell me what was going on later. Needless to say dinner had been awkward. Bella had sat next to be but she barely looked at me once and with every passing second I was getting more and more pissed off. I just wanted to drag her of the room and find out what was going on. Bella's hoodie had stayed on the whole night.<p>

Bella didn't eat very much, just played with her food. I didn't eat very much either. Bella talked and laughed with everyone at the table as best she could but I didn't even try to pretend. I just pushed my mashed potatoes around my plate with my fork and glared at people who mentioned my name. It was a dick move on my part I know but I didn't care. I had just wanted out of there. I pulled into our drive way and killed the truck. Neither of us moved and I turned off the head lights plunging us into darkness.

"What's going on?" I asked, not bothering to ease into the subject. My hands were shaking and I kept them wrapped firmly around the steering wheel. Bella didn't answer me but I heard her heart beat speed up. She sighed.

"Come on Bells. What is it? Are you seeing Cullen again or what?" I spat at her voicing my deepest fear. As confident as I was in Bella's love for me I still knew that she had loved someone else just as strongly as she loved me now. Bella gasped at me at my comment.

"No!" she exclaimed vehemently. She turned her body to face me and fiddled with the cuff of her jacket. I didn't have to move that material out of the way to see the bruise that was under it. That image was seared into my brain forever. I kept my gaze forward and waited.

"How could you even think that Jake?" she asked, her voice tiny in the cab of the truck "I would never cheat on you"

"What else am I supposed to think?" I asked and let go of the steering wheel. I ran my hands through my short hair and pulled on it hard. The momentary pain did nothing to clear my thoughts. All I could think of was the way she used to look at Edward, the way until this morning she used to look at me. Now she looked sad and frightened. Did she think I was going to hurt her or something?

"Why are you scared?" I asked her gently, dropping my hands to my lap. I was determined not to frighten her anymore. God I hated the thought that Bella was frightened of me.

"I'm scared to tell you" she whispered dropping her own gaze to my hands. Timidly she reached out and grabbed one, squeezing gently. I couldn't help it and squeezed back. I waited, just staring at our hands.

"Who hurt your arm Bella?" I asked as softly as I could. I waited and the seconds ticked by so slowly. The silence was torturous. I counted to one hundred in my head. Two hundred. Three.

"You did, this morning. When you kissed me in the shower" she finally said. I whipped my head round to look at her. She did not just say that. I knew I was worlds stronger than the average man but I was always aware of how far to go with Bella. I had never bruised her before, not even in our most passionate moments. I had barely touched her this morning!

"I would never hurt you!" I spluttered, sure she was wrong.

"I know Jake," she said reassuringly "Never on purpose, I know"

Never on purpose, what the hell was that supposed to mean? I would never hurt her full stop. My head ached. I had no idea what was going on and nothing Bella was saying was making any sense. I changed tactics.

"There wasn't a teacher meeting today was there?" I asked. She was biting her lip and her over thinking face was on. She shook her head slowly. I had expected as much. I opened my mouth to ask her where she had been but she beat me to it.

"I was at the doctors in Seattle" she said simply, watching me warily. My whole train of thought shifted. She was at a doctor in Seattle? That still made no sense. There were doctors here in Forks why would she need to go all the way to Seattle. Why did she even need a doctor anyway? I knew she had had her check up just before Rachel's wedding and she said everything had been fine then. I couldn't remember her saying she was feeling sick in the last few weeks.

"Why?" I asked simply. I had no idea what my face looked like as she watched me. I felt strangely numb and sick all at once. That horrible gut feeling was getting worse and worse. I gripped her hand tightly, too tightly and she winced. I relaxed my hand but only a little.

"To see a specialist" she whispered. The cold feeling was back. I swallowed hard and clenched my jaw. Specialists were bad. Something was so wrong and I didn't know what to do. I moved my hands from hers and pulled her closer to me, gently. I wrapped an arm round her shoulder and she craned her neck back to keep eye contact.

"And what does your doctor specialize in?" I asked the words tumbling out of my mouth so fast that I wasn't sure she could understand me. Her eyes were sad again. Her hand reached out and her fingers traced my neck. She never broke eye contact with me and I just waited.

"She specializes in cancer treatment for young women," Bella said softly "Specifically leukemia treatment". Bella's hand never stopped moving on my neck but her eyes stayed locking into mine. The only part of her moving was her hand and the too quick thumping of her heart. I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. All of the air whooshed out of my lungs in one loud noise. I couldn't breathe.

"Leukemia" I choked out the word. I couldn't comprehend what that meant. Bella had leukemia? Of all the things that were constantly threatening her life she ended up with cancer? She was only 23 years old how could she have cancer? It still didn't make any sense. My mind was spinning. Bella was watching me closely. I saw her eyes start to water and a little tear crept out the corner of her eye. I leant down and kissed the salty drop away. She couldn't have cancer. I wouldn't let her have cancer. This was not happening. Bella had begun to shake but only that one tear had escaped so far.

"What does this mean" I whispered against her cheek, scared that if I spoke to loudly she'd lose it completely. Hell I was going to lose it in a second. I pressed my fore head to hers and closed my eyes. I couldn't loose my Bella, not to something like cancer. I wouldn't allow it. My throat felt tight and hot.

"I have a type of leukemia called chronic lymphoid leukemia" Bella said, her breath tickling my face "That's why I bruised so easily from this morning. The doctors think I've had it for years but it's only shown up in my blood test that was taken on my last check up"

I nodded against her and took a deep breath. Ok well we could fight this right? Not everyone who got cancer died from it. We could do all of the chemo and stuff and Bella would be ok. I would fight with her. I didn't realize I was crying until Bella reached up and wiped the wetness away from my cheeks. Her eyes were still watery but she smiled at me and kept her hand on my face.

"What do we do now?" I asked her "Do you start chemo therapy or something?"

"I can do that but I don't know if I want to," Bella replied. Her small smile stayed on her face but it didn't match the tears that were now streaming down her cheeks.

"What do you mean you don't know? You have to do it. Bella if you don't do treatment-"

"I'll die" Bella cut me off with two little words. Two words that broke me. Suddenly I found my face buried in her neck. I was clinging to her back, my hands desperately trying to pull her as close to me as possible. One of her hands stroked my hair gently, soothingly. This wasn't supposed to be happening I was supposed to be comforting her not the other way round.

"Bella you can't give up on me," I forced out between sobs "I'll be with you every step of the way but you can't just give up without even trying". I was begging her now and I didn't care. I couldn't believe Bella, my beautiful Bella, was just giving up. The shoulder of her shirt was soaked now. I clutched her tight, wrapping both arms around her body. And when she spoke again I thought I was going to be sick.

"Dr. Tikvah says that the five year survival rate is about 50%, but Jake there isn't a cure and it looks like we've caught it late. Chemo would stall the disease but it wouldn't make me better" Bella's voice was unbelievably calm. How could she be so calm?

"How long have you known?" I asked her with a shuddering breath that shook my whole frame.

"Almost a week but I didn't have full conformation until today"

"And you won't do chemo at all?" I asked her, no more like I begged her. She had to try and fight it. Maybe in five years from now there would be a cure. There's only a fifty percent chance she'll make it to five years, a small part of my mind whispered but I shoved that cruel voice away, refusing to acknowledge it. I pulled away from her shoulder.

"I will if that's what you want" Bella replied, her eyes were open and honest and I knew she meant it. I didn't care that she was only doing it for me and not for herself. Anything that bought more time for some kind of cure was good by me. I nodded vigorously and looked down at her amazingly calm face, marred only by the constant silent tears that were dripping from her chin.

"Bells, you have to at least try to fight it" I pleaded. I cupped that calm face and when my hand touched her cheek, the façade shattered. Her sobs were loud and I wiped the tears away with large thumbs. I couldn't take it any more. I lean forward and kissed her, trying to convince her that I would never give up on her.

The kiss was needy and she fisted my hair painfully. Both of our cheeks were wet and I felt a sob catch in her throat. I broke the kiss and held her so tightly against my body that I knew for sure there would be more bruises tomorrow. I relaxed my grip but Bella squeezed my arms, telling me without words not to let her go. Her forehead rested against my jaw, her wet face pressed into my neck.

"Ok, we fight then" She said between gulps, her breath was warm on my neck.

My world was shattered but we decided to fight together on a Monday.


	5. Chapter Three: Tuesday

**Chapter Three**

**Tuesday**

**A/N: I want to say thank you to everyone who has commented or faved this story. Really it means so much to me that you are enjoying it. So thank you so much for taking the time to leave such kind words. **

**I'm going to apologize here. There is a Native American ceremony in this chapter and I'll admit I am not very well educated in the realm of Native American rites and rituals. So if I have put something in that is wrong or offensive please let me know so that I can fix it. I researched as best I could using the internet but I am unsure of how reliable the sites I found were. Again I'm very sorry if I cause offense to anyone, I'm a white chick from Australia so I am claiming ignorance.**

**Chapter Three****  
><strong>**Tuesday**

"Woo baby! Work that Popsicle!" Embry laughed, shoving a grape flavored icy pole into his mouth, grinning at Bella. Bella pulled the icy treat out of her mouth and scowled at him. I reached over and smacked him in the back of the head.

"What? She's talented!" Embry exclaimed, ducking my second blow with ease "You're a lucky guy Jake"

"Just because you're jealous," Bella teased him back, poking out a red stained tongue at him. Embry laughed with her and turned to me.

"See she doesn't care," he told me grinning impishly.

"Yeah but do you have to be so obvious about it" I growled back, fixing Bella's blankets, making sure she was completely covered. The drugs always made her so cold. I wished I could cuddle up next to her but the nurses wouldn't let me.

"Hey someone has to lighten your storm cloud mood" Embry mumbled from around his Popsicle.

I let it go and Bella popped the Popsicle back into her mouth. The chemo was giving her mouth sores and the ice always seemed to help them. She was sitting in a big blue chair, covered in bright purple blankets. Her skin was even paler than usual except for the two hot pink flushes on her cheeks and she was losing weight at a rapid rate. Her long hair was still tumbling around her shoulders but it was noticeably thinner. She looked like she had aged ten years in the past eight months.

The left side of her upper chest was bare, Bella's tank top strap pulled down to her elbow. The doctors had surgically implanted a catheter, just bellow her collar bone, so to reduce the risk of infection and each time Bella received chemo and they injected the drugs through this port. She refused to look at the IV lead that was pumping all those harsh chemicals into her body. Bella looked up at me instead.

"When are Charlie and Renee getting here?" she asked.

"I think at two or so. Charlie said he was gong to finish up at the station early to be here" I informed her. The strong smell of hospital grade bleach burned in my nostrils.

After Bella had told me about her leukemia we had quickly discussed between us how to tell everyone else. I didn't want to phase and accidentally tell the pack so we decided on sooner rather than later. I asked Billy if he could pull together a bonfire meeting so that Bella and I could break the news. We had Charlie come too. The only one who couldn't be there was Renee but she had since moved closer so that she could visit Bella on a regular basis.

When everyone had gathered I noticed Billy and Charlie were glaring at me. Charlie was almost purple in the face and I realized they thought I was going to tell them that Bella was pregnant or something. I wished. Anything would have been better than the truth. I let Bella speak. She insisted on being the one to tell everyone, so all I could do was hold her hand. I was amazed at her strength; I could barely function. We stood up and Bella spoke.

I don't know what I expected from them. I wasn't even looking at my pack, my family and my friends. All I saw was Bella. Her voice only quivered at the two words_ 'terminal cancer'_. She spoke for a long time about how she found out about the leukemia, about how I had convinced her to go for chemo. She held nothing back. When she finally stopped talking her voice was strained. No one said anything. Charlie was the first one to break the silence.

"What do you mean by terminal cancer?" he asked. His voice was tight, frightened. Bella took a deep breath and squeezed my fingers.

"The doctors say I could survive up to five years but there is no cure," she paused and looked down "But Dr Tikvah says that its pretty far advanced. She said realistically I'm looking at only two years"

At this I had dropped down onto the sand next to Bella. This was the worst part. I felt Bella's hand in my hair. She was always comforting me and I hated it. I couldn't even pull it together to help her. I let loose a small groan, frustrated with myself, frustrated with the world. I glanced across the fire at Charlie. He was pale and his eyes were anxious. He kept dry washing his hands and opening his mouth like he was going to speak but he never did. He didn't speak until two days after the bonfire. Bella had said it was his own way of dealing with it.

Everyone then had started asking questions at once and Bella calmly answered them all. She was so strong, so brave. Her fingers never stopped their soothing circles in my hair. I let her talk and looked up at her. If she was this strong now then I knew she could fight this. I refused to believe there was no cure. There just wasn't one now, that didn't mean there wouldn't be one later. I pulled myself to my feet and Bella looked up at me with a small smile. If Bella could be this brave then so could I. I promised her I would stand by her and I would. I would save her. I would do anything for her.

A shrill beeping brought me roughly out of the past. One of Bella's machines was flashing. I heard quick footfalls and a slim African American woman came into the room smiling at us. Her name was Taraja and she was Bella's nurse. Every time Bella came in for treatment Taraja was there. She was an angel I swear. The first time we had come for Bella's chemo she'd had gone out of her way to make us feel comfortable. She was like a friend now more than a nurse and was definitely on my Christmas card list.

"Are you feeling ok Bells?" Taraja asked, stabbing her fingers at the loud machine. It stopped beeping but the noise still rung in my ears. Taraja reached out and touched Bella's face. Bella nodded. I noticed the blush was still there. She was flushed and her eyes were bright. She noticed me watching her and Bella smiled at me, always trying to reassure me that she was fine.

"Your temperature is up a little, are you feeling sick?" she asked gently. I pried the Popsicle from Bella's fingers and chucked it in the trash. Bella grabbed my hand. I watched the bracelet I had given her with the wooden wolf pendant ride up her arm. Bella had lost so much weight we had had to get some of the links taken out of it so that it wouldn't slip off her wrist.

"Just a little bit more nausea that normal" Bella admitted. Embry grabbed the big purple bucket from under the chair and pushed it into my hands incase Bella suddenly threw up. The chemo was really battering Bella's body. Every day she seemed a little bit worse but she never once complained. It was killing me but I kept a smile on my face and rubbed my fingers against her cold palm. I would be strong for her. Taraja fiddled with all of the instruments around us.

"Ok well I just got off the phone with Dr Tikvah and she should be here in a few minutes. She just paged up from the front desk to say she had arrived from Seattle," Taraja explained as she checked Bella's IV port. Taraja stayed for only a few more minutes, making sure all of the machines were doing their jobs before the little black pager at her waist started beeping and she had to leave in a rush.

I reached up and stroked Bella's forehead and she closed her eyes. Dr Tikvah was supposed to be coming to tell us how Bella was reacting to the chemo. She had had a bone marrow biopsy two weeks ago and the results were in. I felt bad for Bella having to go through that again.

Everyone in the pack had had one to see if we matched with Bella and recovering from it was a bitch, even with super fast healing. We had only submitted to the test though after the Elders had given it the all clear from one of the local doctors who was in the know about our furry sides. I was going to try even without their permission but I waited to see if they would reject the idea first. A bone marrow transplant would have been much more beneficial for her than just chemo alone. None of us matched but the doctors weren't surprised. Apparently a match out side of family members is like winning the national lottery. Charlie and Renee didn't match either. Bella was now on the Bone Marrow Transplant list.

"Jake I think I'm gonna puke," Bella groaned and I quickly shoved the purple bucket under her nose. I held her hair back from her face as she threw up into it noisily. Embry winced as the vomit thundered against the bottom of the bucket. When she came back up I pulled the bucket out of her hands and handed her one of those pre-tooth pasted toothbrushes and a bottle of water. Bella groaned and closed her eyes, brushing her teeth lazily before spitting out the foamy water into the puke bucket. I snapped the lid on the container and shoved it under the chair with my foot.

"Sorry," Bella said quietly, her eyes still closed.

"Hey it's ok, but you know I expect you to do the same for me," I teased her and she smiled "I mean it. I'm gonna party tonight and you better be there to take care of me in my drunken stupor"

"You can't get drunk" Bella giggled opening her eyes and grinned at me. Just the reaction I was going for. When she smiled it was like she was healthy again. Her eyes lit up, hell her whole face lit up. And for a moment I could pretend we were just hanging out at first beach, lounging around on our tree and not in Fork's Hospital.

"That sounds like a challenge to me. Have you tired any of Leah's 'werewolf strength' bourbon?" I replied. I was just about to explain in depth my awesome plan to create a league of drunken werewolves when a small knock on the door interrupted us. I looked over my shoulder as a small, dark skinned woman came into the room. Her hair was a deep brown, almost black and her pale green eyes were always steady and reassuring behind her wire rim glasses. Dr Tikvah had arrived and with her arrival all of the momentarily happy feelings vanished. My anxious and worried mood came flooding back in an instant.

"Uh I'll just head down to the cafeteria. You guys want anything?" Embry asked standing quickly. Bella and I both shook our heads and Dr Tikvah sat in Embry's abandoned seat. She waited until the door closed behind Embry before greeting us in her soft whispery voice. It was a good thing I heard so well otherwise I would never understand her. I had never heard Dr Tikvah speak any louder than a murmur.

"Bella, how are you feeling today?" Dr Tikvah asked, eyeing the silver metal chart which Bella's name had been stamped on the top.

"Really good" Bella said quickly and my eyes narrowed at her. She mouth the word "What?" at me and I sighed. It was time to be the bad guy.

"Her nausea has been a lot worse and she's really fatigued. It's hard to get her to eat anything because of her mouth as well so she's lost a fair bit of weight since we last saw you" I said in a rush. Dr Tikvah smiled at me over her glasses and wrote something down on Bella's chart. Bella didn't feel quite as happy about my truthfulness.

"Traitor," she groaned and stick her tongue out at me. I noticed the red stain from the Popsicle had faded away completely. The doctor cleared her throat and I turned toward her.

"I had been expecting as much. I see you've still got a low grade temperature" Dr Tikvah said more to herself than anyone else. She stood up and hung the silver backed chart on the bottom of Bella's chair.

"Is that bad?" I asked as Dr Tikvah studied the machine that had been beeping before.

"Well its not bad, but its not good either. I think Bella may have picked up a slight infection," Dr Tikvah explained "and of course with the chemo and the type of cancer Bella has, it's hard for her body to fight back against any kind of disease"

"I don't really feel that much worse," Bella explained as Dr Tikvah abandoned the machines.

"I'm not that worried about the infection for now. Have you been feeling any aches and pains in your joints?" Dr Tikvah asked, running her slim fingers over the knuckles of Bella's hands, checking for swelling. Bella shook her head no.

"How about general pain or stiffness?" the doctor asked, glancing up at Bella over her glasses. She pulled on a pair of white gloves and gently prodded the IV port in Bella's chest.

"I have been a little sore," Bella admitted biting her lip, wincing a little at Dr. Tikvah's examination.

"Sorry. I will check your meds and see if we can't find something for you to ease your pain. I did however get your bone marrow biopsy report back this morning" Dr Tikvah said gently, looking from Bella to me and then back to Bella. I waited patiently. Dr Tikvah removed the gloves with a snap and took off her glasses, sliding them into her coat pocket. I was grateful that she was able to come all the way to Forks for us. Bella and I had originally though we would have to move to Seattle to start treatment but Dr Tikvah said she would be happy to travel to treat Bella. She had gone well above and beyond the call of duty and was yet another person on my Christmas card list.

"How does it look?" Bella asked, twining her fingers with mine. I kissed her cool hand gently, the scar of the bite mark on her hand still as prominent as ever and it glowed slightly in the florescent lighting.

"Unfortunately not as good as I was hoping," the doctor said gently. I sighed and kissed Bella's hand again. We could never catch a break with this; we seemed to get nothing but bad news. It was like the cancer was always one step ahead of us.

"Your bone marrow biopsy has shown some benefit from the chemotherapy but not as much as I would of hoped. It is definitely helping but its not helping enough" Dr Tikvah's voice was next to me now. I watched as she sat down again.

"So do we up the dose or something?" I asked.

"I think that at this time that would be unadvisable. I know you are hoping for a cure Jacob but at the moment we are not seeking a cure, we are only trying to keep Bella as comfortable as possible for as long as possible. If we 'upped the dose' I do not think it would befit Bella in the long run, but may only heighten the side effects of the chemo'"

"But something could come up, a drug trail or what not," I insisted. I always felt like I was fighting with Dr Tikvah when it came to this. I knew she knew more than me but I had to hope something would come up in the future and the doctor was more concerned with the right now. She nodded at me.

"That is true a drug trail could happen but there is no guarantee that one will or that it will be effectual. Of course if something does come up that is suitable we will certainly try our best to get her into such a program, so long as you are agreeable Bella. But, unfortunately, at this moment in time Bella's condition is still terminal" she said so quietly I could hardly hear her. I felt pressure on my fingers and looked up at Bella. She smiled at me weakly.

"So how much time are we looking at before the big departure?" she asked jokingly. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep in the groan that wanted to escape.

"Looking at your recent test results, and if you did not succumb to any major infections like pneumonia, I would say maybe ten months to a year"

I could hear a buzzing in my ears. Ten months? I watched Bella nod and say something else to the doctor but I didn't hear what it was. Ten months. And those ten months wasn't even a sure thing. Any thought of a miracle pill that would fix Bella was slowly leaking out of my brain. Realization suddenly hit me that Bella was going to die and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I had never felt so helpless in my life.

Dr Tikvah was still talking, explaining about counseling and grief services that the hospital offered but her words seemed far off. Bella was nodding though and making all the right social noises so I let her run with it. I didn't want a grief class, I wanted to fix Bella and I had been suddenly forced to realize that I wasn't going to be able to fix her.

When I had first won Bella's heart I had promised myself two things. The first would be that I would always protect her. Of course at the time I was thinking of protection from vampires or her own two feet. I had never considered a disease would make me break my promise. The second promise was that I would always make strive to make her as happy as she made me. And recently I had promised to stick with her through all of this. But I didn't know what to do now. I had always hoped for a cure, never really believing that I would loose Bella.

Dr Tikvah was standing now. I felt her little hand on my shoulder. I nodded in her direction as she left the room and turned back to Bella. She was still smiling at me, still rubbing my hand reassuringly. Neither of us spoke. Suddenly I couldn't take just sitting next to her, it just wasn't enough.

I stood up and lent over her big blue chair and kissed her. She wrapped only one arm around me so as to not tangle up her IV and kissed me, her fingers gripping my shoulder, her mouth hot and supple under mine. She tasted like peppermint toothpaste. I traced my hands down her delicate neck and over her slim shoulders. I tucked one hand under her back and pulled her into me, burying myself into her a much as I could. Our cheeks were wet but I wasn't sure which one of us was crying. Maybe we both were. Neither of us heard the door open.

"Hey can't you kids hang a sock on the door or something to give me some warning," Charlie's voice groaned, startling us out of our embrace. I spun around as felt my face go red as Charlie came into the room with Embry behind him (carrying no less that five bags of potato chips too). Charlie was holding a big bunch of flowers with a sparkly purple "get well soon" card tucked into them. Charlie always brought Bella flowers, even if she was only in the hospital for a few hours. Bella wasn't embarrassed by it anymore.

"Hey lovers!" Embry teased throwing a bag of chips my way. I caught it effortlessly. Embry flopped down on his chair and popped open a packet of chips. Charlie placed the flowers on the little table next to Bella's chair. I dropped my chips on my empty chair. Renee was still in the door way. She looked frightened, gripping the door frame as if it would save her life.

"What's going on?" She asked quietly, looking from my wet face to Bella's. Bella reached out a hand and Renee hurried over, twining her fingers with Bella's. I stepped back and watched Bella explain what Dr. Tikvah had said. She kept stroking Renee's hand, touching her father's fore arm, always trying to comfort everyone. With sudden violent force I felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't take this anymore.

"Embry," I whispered too quietly for the three humans in the room to hear. He looked up at me and I signaled for him to follow me outside. Once we were out of the little room I rested my forehead against the wall and closed my eyes. The cold plaster felt good against my face. I could feel my shoulders shaking. The too-clean stench of the hospital was still bothering me. I felt trapped and all I wanted was to flee but at the same time I felt so guilty. I was supposed to be here for Bella and I couldn't pull myself together for her.

"Do you need to take off for a bit?" Embry asked me. I opened my eyes in surprise, but shook my head.

"I can't leave her" I said, my voice sounding dead and lifeless. I turned around and lent my back against the wall. I felt Embry's hand on my shoulder.

"She would understand why you needed time alone. Go on, I'll tell her something came up with the pack. Go run it off." I shook my head again but Embry pushed my shoulder gently.

"Emily and Rach texted me before. They were planning on coming round to your place tonight so I'll get them to come over earlier and keep her company. She won't be alone Jake and I'll call you if anything comes up" Embry's vice was soft, persuasive. Slowly I nodded my head. I turned down the hall as I heard Embry open Bella's door. I just needed a few hours. Just a few.

* * *

><p>I didn't bother phase. I walked into La Push, ignoring the light rain. I don't know how long I wandered aimlessly but it was night before I looked up from the pavement under my feet. For a moment I was disorientated. I could see a small building in the distance but I didn't realize what it was until I got closer and saw the blue roof. La Push tribal school. I hadn't been here in years, since I just barely graduated.<p>

I jumped the low brick fence and strode over to the little play ground for the younger kids. I sat down on one of the swings and just stared at my knees. I didn't know what to do. I was always confident, sure in what I was doing, where I was going and who I was. Now I didn't know anything. All I had now was guilt and hundreds of unanswerable questions. I rested my forehead on the ice cold chain of the swing. I could just pick out the sound waves breaking on First Beach. The night wasn't quite though. I could see the orange glow of a near by bonfire and hear shouts and laughter. I was surprised anyone was out in the freezing late winter night even if it was a friday night. I wasn't cold of course but if my steaming breath was anything to go by, then the kids down on the beach had to be frozen.

I felt so guilty for having to leave the hospital before Bella's treatment was done. I knew Embry was right and that Bells would understand why I had left but that didn't ease my conscious at all. I scrubbed my toes against the asphalt and the swing squeaked as it moved. All I could think about was Dr. Tikvah's words. Ten months. Ten fucking months.

How was that fair? If she got her ten months she would only be twenty four years old. I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes with force, fireworks exploding behind my eye lids. My brain kept repeating those two facts. Ten months, twenty four years old.

I had barely had five years with her and it wasn't enough time. I needed Bella, she was everything thing to me. I couldn't picture my life without her by my side, teasing me, playing with my hair, sitting in the passenger seat of The Rabbit telling me to slow down. How would I knot my ties? Bella always did that. I smiled at the memory of Bella standing on one of the dining table's chairs, her deft little fingers pulling the tie tight for Rachel's wedding. Even standing on the chair I had had to stoop a little for her. She had giggled and called me a giant. I had told her it wasn't my fault she was abnormally short.

My shoulders were shaking, the swings chain cutting into them painfully. What if I started forgetting things about her like the way she smelt or the exact color of her eyes? What if I woke up one day and couldn't recall the sound of her voice or the way her eyebrows came together when she was concentrating hard on grading school papers? I didn't want to forget her. I didn't want to lose her. Ten months, twenty four years old.

I felt a sudden surge of anger at myself. I wouldn't let myself forget, how could I even think such a thing? I couldn't sit still any more and I jumped up from the swing, removing my hands from my eyes. I ignored the fact that they were wet, wiping them on my jeans. Ten months, twenty four years old. I stalked back and forth across the schools concrete play ground, pulling my hands through my hair. I felt like screaming, I felt like destroying something. I swung my fist out as I passed the playground's metal slide. I felt my knuckle crack and stared in dissatisfaction at the fist shaped indent.

Something in me snapped. I couldn't remember ever being so filled with rage since the time I first phased. My body trembled and I slammed my fist into the metal slide again, ignoring the pain shooting up my hand. It wasn't fair! Why did this have to happen to us? Why her and not me instead? Ten months, twenty four years old.

I beat at the pulverized metal, ignoring the shrieking sound it was making. I didn't care that someone would find the slide, destroyed with hand shaped gouges in it. I didn't care that I was dangerously close to phasing less than a stones throw away from a party of intoxicated teenagers. All I cared about was the fact that I was losing one of the most important people in my life and I was powerless to stop it.

I became aware of people cursing and a loud smashing noise. I stopped my assault on the playground equipment and glanced over my shoulder, toward First beach. Some kids from the party were on the far side of the street now. Someone had dropped a glass bottle, shattering it, and the others were laughing at them. One of the kids in the group saw me and called out.

"Hey! School's closed you know!" the drunken voice slurred. The group laughed. I turned away from them, taking a few seconds to pop one of my broken fingers back into place with a snap. I heard footfalls and someone scramble over the low brick wall. Girls were laughing; someone called someone else a bitch. _Please just leave me alone_, I thought knowing I was too wound up to even try to act calmly.

"Hey, buddy! School is finished!" the voice was closer now. I turned around flexing my hand. It was completely healed now just with a small lingering pain in the joints. A young guy staggered toward me, he looked like he was only about sixteen and vaguely familiar. As he got closer I realized why. It was Colin's younger brother but I couldn't recall his name. I turned away from him striding off toward the tree line.

"Hey come back!" Colin's brother yelled out. I felt a hand on my arm but I shook it off.

"Piss off," I growled at him. I didn't want to deal with them just now. I wanted Bella. Ten months, twenty four years old. I felt like I was going to phase at any second and my hands shook. I took a deep breath. I hadn't felt this out of control since I was sixteen.

"We are having a party you should come hang out!" the kid was way too happy and way too drunk to hear the anger in my voice.

"No," I spat at him, lengthening my strides. I was only a few hundred yards from the trees. Just hold on until then. Ten months, twenty four years old.

"Hey just chill man. It's gonna be fun. We got lots of girls and drinks," he panted, taking three steps to match my one. This kid was killing me. I spun on my heel to face him.

"I said no. Back off kid," I threatened. The kid blanched for a second before holding up his hands. He laughed at me and I glanced over his shoulder. His friends were climbing over the wall now, stumbling toward us.

"Hey that's cool. If you wanna be a chicken shit I'm not gonna stop you," Colin's brother said with a laugh. I know I shouldn't have risen to the bait but I couldn't help it. I was still on edge, still thrumming with an all consuming rage. Ten months, twenty four years old.

"What did you call me?" I ground out, clenching my fists.

"You heard me I said you're a chicken shit." The kid taunted. I found myself not caring again. Not caring that this guy was only sixteen and I outweighed him by more than a hundred pounds. Not caring that he was a weak human and I was supernaturally strong. I didn't give a shit what the consequences were as I pulled back my fist and snapped it back into his smug, arrogant face. He dropped to the floor, blood streaming out his nose, his skull bashing against the concrete. I heard a female scream. I didn't care. Ten months, twenty four years old.

The kid was groaning on the floor when the girl that had screamed came running up dropping to her knees next to him. I stumbled backwards. Someone had a cell phone out calling 911. I knew I should leave but I stared down at my hand with the kid's blood smeared over my knuckles. Shit, what had I just done? Shit!

"Why the hell would you punch him?" a voice screamed at me. I looked down and the girl who had run over to Colin's brother had propped his head into her lap and was glaring at me. I couldn't answer her. The whole group was here now. A guy was yelling at me but I couldn't make sense of the words. Hands shoved at me but didn't move me, they couldn't move me. Colin's brother's eyes were closed but I could see that he was still breathing. The strong sound of his heart told me he was only unconscious and that I hadn't accidentally killed an innocent teenager. Red and blue lights flashed in the distance and I knew I should run for it but my feet wouldn't move.

I felt separated from my body as two cops strode across the school playground toward us, paramedics rushing to the kid on the floor. I didn't wake up again until I felt the cold snap of handcuffs. I was in so much shit.

* * *

><p>"Black!" a sharp voice called out startling me into consciousness. I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes. The plain white walls slowly came into focus and the last four hours came rushing back in startling quality. A surge of uncontrollable anger, the cold swing seat, taunting voices and red and blue lights. I glanced to my right and looked through the pale blue bars of La Push's lock up at the male officer on the other side. I recognized him instantly as the one who had arrested me. I was certain his last name was Von; he was good friends with Charlie despite being from different precincts.<p>

"The victim has dropped the charges" Von informed me and I winced at the word victim.

"Is he ok?" I asked my voice hoarse from sleep.

"He's got a broken nose and is a little shaken up but he will be fine. Luckily for you," Officer Von said glaring at me.

"Does this mean I'm free to go?" I asked, not moving from the metal bench I had fallen asleep on.

"Soon. Your father is filling out your paperwork with Sam Uley. We can't release you until he is done," the cop explained. Sam was picking me up? I groaned internally. Sam may not be Alpha anymore but that didn't mean he wouldn't hold back to rip me a new one. I nodded at the officer and he left me alone.

I knew I shouldn't have punched that kid. Why had I been so stupid? At least he was ok but still. I couldn't believe how out of control I had felt. All I felt now was regret. I stood up from the metal bench and stretched out my back, listening to it crack. The four short hours on the bench hadn't done me any good but it was less than I deserved. I wondered why the charges had been dropped. Colin must have talked to his mom, persuaded her to drop them or something. I heard echoing foot falls and glanced toward to front of my cell. Bella came into view and she stopped at the bars, curling her little fingers around them.

"Bells?" I said in disbelief. I crossed the short distance and stopped in front of her. Her face was even paler against the white walls and her eyes were narrowed dangerously. She was mad.

"So you beat up a fifteen year old kid?" Bella asked her voice quiet.

"I thought he was sixteen" I replied, evading the question.

"And that makes it better?" Bella asked vehemently, her voice rising sharply.

"Of course not! I didn't mean it. I just…lost control" I mumbled. I wrapped my hands round the bars, over hers. Her fingers were lukewarm against the icy cell bars.

"Well because you lost control, Colin's brother is in hospital. What were you thinking Jacob?" Bella's face had gone from anger to disappointment. Surprisingly it was worse than her fury. Her eyes were sad now and when she looked at me now I could see that disappointment in her eyes. It stung me that she was disappointed in me. I had never seen her like this and it made me feel like a complete asshole.

"I wasn't," I confessed. Bella looked taken back by my words. She shook her head and pulled her hands out of mine, crossing her arms over her chest. She stepped backward and ran her fingers through her thinning hair.

"I think you need help" she whispered.

"What do you mean by help?" I asked, confused.

"You're not handling this Jake," she said gesturing to herself. Oh.

"I'm handling it fine" I insisted. I reached out to her from between the bars but she just stared at my outstretched hand blankly.

"No your not. Have you seen yourself lately? I barely recognize you. The Jake I knew would have never hurt someone like that," Bella said her voice so quiet and sad. She bit her lip and looked at me as if I was a stranger. It took me several tries before I could speak.

"I'm still the same person Bells," I insisted, leaving my hand outstretched. She didn't take it. My mouth felt dry and I swallowed hard.

"Are you sure about that?"

The truth was I wasn't sure. The last eight months from the moment Bella told me about her leukemia I had felt lost, helpless. I wanted so badly to be there for her to comfort her but instead I ended up lashing out at a child. Why had I been so stupid? I pressed my face against the bars of the cell, cursing myself.

"It's ok to need help Jacob," Bella said interrupting my thoughts. I knew she was right but the thought of admitting I couldn't keep it together for her when I wasn't even the one who was dying was too much to bare. I couldn't do it.

"I don't need help, I need you. Bells I know I've been out of it but I'm trying my hardest. I mean I want to be there for you I just…I don't know what I'm doing anymore," I spluttered, stretching out my fingers toward her again. She stared at them for a second before placing her hand in mine. I traced her palm with my fingertips. We didn't speak for several minutes, we just looked at each other, eyes tracing each others faces.

"I'm so sorry Bells," I whispered, gently pulling her closer. I traced my fingers up her arms and her hands snaked through the bars to rest on my chest. I bent down and kissed her cheek, feeling the heat of a blush under my lips.

"I mean it, I'm sorry. I was an idiot" I whispered again, kissing her temple and forehead. I felt her brows rise under my mouth.

"What do you mean was?" she asked sarcastically but I could hear the laughter in her voice.

"Ok fair call" I responded, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I cupped her face with my hand and tilted it upward so I could see her. I memorized her face, burning it into my mind, forcing my self not to forget.

"Am I forgiven?" I asked, tracing her jaw with my fingers. I felt her heart speed up a little and I smiled at her. She was so beautiful.

"On one condition," she said softly. I waited patiently my fingers never stopping in their quest to memorize her. I traced her chin, her cheekbones and her fore head. She closed her eyes and sighed. I ran my fingers over her lips and she kissed each finger tip lovingly. She opened her eyes and her pupils were dilated, full of love.

"Promise me you will talk to someone about this. It doesn't have to be a doctor or therapy group. It can just be me or your dad. Anyone. But Jake you have to deal with this, you have to talk about it," she demanded gently. My fingers stilled on her neck.

"Would that make you happy?" I asked.

"Yes," she said simply. I thought about it for a moment. I only had so much time left with her and I wanted her to be happy for as much of it as possible. I could sacrifice my pride for that couldn't I? I wanted her to be happy, I always wanted that. As long as I could remember I had loved this woman in front of me. An idea dawned on me and I couldn't help but to grin at her.

"Ok but I have my own condition" I stipulated.

"What is it?" she asked innocently. I lent down and kissed her cheek. I made my way along her face, kissing every inch of skin I could.

"Marry me," I whispered in her ear. I heard her sharp intake of breath and smiled against her hair.

"What?" she asked breathlessly, her hands fisting my shirt. I pulled back and grinned down at her.

"I said marry me. It's hard for me to ask for help you know that, so I should get a reward for it. I think marriage is an acceptable reward don't you?" I teased gently.

"Are you serious?"

"Deadly serious Bells. You mean the world to me. I always knew I would marry you even when I was little."

"Really?" she asked with a small smile.

"Yeah I told my mom about it and everything. She used to tease me about it," I admitted feeling my face flush a little. She chuckled at that.

"So what'll it be? I know you like romantic stories and stuff so do I have to get on one knee or something?" I joked. She giggled and shook her head at me.

"Yeah because this is so romantic, a proposal in jail!" she scoffed

"Hey it's original! Marry me Bella," I said again. Bella sighed and smiled at me. Then she said one word that made me feel whole and happy for the first time in eight months

"Ok."

* * *

><p>I stood on the beach feeling odd to be wearing enclosed shoes there for the first time in a long time. Our white tree was behind me and Embry and Quil were on my right. I couldn't decide which one of them should be my best man so I had given up and asked both of them. There were no seats and a small crowd of people had gathered in front of me, half of the left half on the right in a roughly circular layout. The whole pack was here of course, as well as a few close friends of Bella's and our parents. Angela Webber waved at me from the third row on the left side of the gathering. I waved back nervously. Taraja and Dr Tikvah were here too, standing next to Renee and Phil.<p>

I could hear Terry cooing in Sam's arms. Paul was standing next to Rachel who was already dabbing her eyes with a white handkerchief. Surprisingly Nadia was still in the picture and she rushed up the front to pin a yellow flower to the front of Embry's jacket. I stood directly due north and Dad was behind me at the front of the congregation of people. Even though I was technically the Chief of the whole tribe (crazy traditions) I couldn't marry myself so Dad was filling in for me. Everyone was talking quietly and I glanced up at the steel grey sky hoping it wouldn't rain. The sun shone weakly on us and I felt the feeble spring warmth try its best to touch us.

"You have the rings right, you didn't forget them as well?" I asked Embry as Nadia smoothed the front of his jacket down. Embry kissed Nadia before she rushed back to her place in the crowd. Nadia stood next to Leah, who looked happy for the first time in along time. I hadn't seen her in some time and made a mental note to talk to her after the ceremony. Leah and I had become good friends (much to everyone's surprise) and I was glad she was here.

"Of course I remembered them" Embry scoffed with mock offense.

"Hey I'm just checking," I said holding my hands up in surrender. Embry punched my shoulder but I didn't let myself wince even though it hurt like a bitch. I couldn't believe that only six weeks after I had asked Bella to marry me that the day was already here. Emily was a gift from the spirits I swear. When we had told everyone Emily had jumped right up and offered to organize everything as a wedding gift and we were more than happy to oblige. I shifted the light blue blanket on my shoulders so that the material wouldn't make my neck itch.

"Are you nervous?" Quil asked me and I shook my head, even though that wasn't exactly true. Nothing had ever felt more right though, I just hoped I wasn't going to stuff up the ceremony. I glanced over the heads of the crowd at the small white tent which was closed. Bella was behind there. I knew it would only be moments before the ceremony started. Bella and I had decided to go with a mixed ceremony, neither full Quileute or completely western either. I fiddled with blanket again and glanced over my shoulder at my dad. He grinned at me and shifted in his wheelchair. His calm nature soothed my nerves some what. He was in his full ceremonial outfit although the majority of others were in suits and ties including myself. I heard the crowd hush and turned too look toward the white tent. Emily came out first as Bella's only bridesmaid, her pale strapless yellow dress making her russet skin glow. She was beautiful even with her scars. Emily stopped in front of me and kissed my cheek before moving to the left. I glanced back to the white tent and what I saw took my breath away.

Bella was wearing a simple white wedding dress that reached her ankles. Her dress had spaghetti straps that were hidden under the light blue blanket that was over her shoulders which matched mine. The dress was made of some floaty material and although the skirt hugged her hips and flared out only a little at her thighs, wisps of fabric attached at the hips were caught in the wind. She moved slowly, her hand on Charlie's forearm as he guided her toward me. She wore no shoes and her hair was loose, glinting red in the pale sun. She only wore one piece of jewelry which was the wolf bracelet I had made for her years ago. The only sign of her illness was the small white bandage on her chest, covering her catheter port. She was beautiful beyond description.

Bella's eyes never left mine as she walked toward me. I couldn't wait for her to reach me and I stepped forward reaching out my right hand. Charlie stopped in front of me. He took Bella's hand off his fore arm and placed it mine but didn't let go of our joined hands.

"You look after her Jacob," he said quietly, his eyes burning into mine. I nodded at him seriously and Charlie squeezed our hands once more. Charlie kissed Bella's cheek before letting go and stepping back. Bella and I turned to face my father but I didn't see him. All I could see was Bella. I heard the click of a lighter and moments later I could smell the soft scent of burning sage.

"Hey," I whispered to her. I could feel a goofy grin on my face and she smiled back at me.

"Hey" she whispered back. Dad cleared his throat and I turned to look at him. He had his arms spread wide and his voice was deep and sure. It always amazed me how my dad could transform before my eyes into such a commanding presence when it came to matters of the tribe. His voice was powerful when he spoke.

"Friends, family we have gathered here today to witness the joining of these two people, whose love for each other has shown no bounds. They wish to be tied together before you all as a symbol of their love, respect and kindness for each other. They seek to come together as one to always support the other in good times and the bad and always with love and companionship."

My father's strong voice continued the ceremony but I barely heard a word. All I saw was Bella. Her smile, her chocolate eyes and the ever present pink blush. She looked so full of life. It wasn't until I felt Embry's hand on my shoulder that I looked up. He pressed a band of gold into my palm. I reached for Bella's left hand and repeated after my father.

"Let us take the first step to provide for our household, a nourishing a pure diet, avoiding those foods injurious to healthy living. Let us take the second step to develop physical, mental and spiritual powers. Let us take the third step to increase our wealth, by righteous means and proper use. Let us take the fourth step to acquire knowledge, happiness and harmony by mutual love and trust. Let us take the fifth step so that we will be blessed with strong, virtuous and heroic children. Let us take the sixth step for self-restraint and longevity. Finally, let us take the seventh step and be true companions and remain life long partners by this wedlock."

At the last word I pushed the small ring onto Bella's wedding finger. Bella took the second ring, which was passed to her by Quil, and repeated the same vows, pushing my ring onto my left hand. I smiled at her and kissed her left hand gently and she blushed a wonderful pink.

"Now we will remove the blue blankets, letting go of all of your past sorrows so that you may walk into your new life happy and compete," Billy announced after we had exchanged rings. I bent my knees a little so that Sue could remove my blanket and glanced over at Renee undoing Bella's. Technically Dad was supposed to do this but Sue was like a mother for me after my mom died and if felt right for her to be there. Sue took the large white blanket from my dad at wrapped it around mine and Bella's shoulders, tucking each end under our arms. I'm sure it looked funny with me being so tall and her being so short but I didn't care. I held Bella's hand and she grinned at me and god she looked so beautiful.

"The trails of marriage are difficult ones and only those who are strong in heart, mind and soul will survive it. Only together will you grow stronger and wiser. With the removal of your past sorrow and rebirth of you both as a couple, united and strong together, I am very pleased to announce that you are now husband and wife. You can kiss her now son," Dad said with a smile. The crowd of people laughed and clapped at the announcement.

Bella's hand came up and rested on my shoulder. I lent down and wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me, lifting her off her feet. I kissed her with my entire soul, pouring all of my love into that kiss. She kissed me back and for a moment the sounds of our cheering family drifted away. Time felt endless as I kissed the woman I loved. I didn't know where I ended and she began but that didn't matter.

It didn't matter that the white blanket was slipping from our shoulders or that the wind was cold. It didn't matter that I was a werewolf, destined to forever be a warrior to protect my tribe. And it didn't matter that in all likelihood I would have less than a year of married life. All that matter was in that moment we were happy. We were whole.

"I love you Jacob," she whispered against my lips.

I married the woman of my dreams on a Tuesday.


	6. Chapter Four: Wednesday

**Chapter Four**

**Wednesday **

**A/N: **Yay an update :D. I'm sorry this took a bit longer to come out than the last chapter. There were issues involving a temperamental laptop and the only way I could access internet was on my iPhone but that's all boring. The main thing is that I now have a fully functional computer and internet access. Yay!

I am so shocked at how much you guys are enjoying this. I know I said it in my last A/N but still I had to say thank you again for all the support you guys have dished out. Really it helps so much especially when you're staring at a blank page with a blank mind. I do have a specific thank you to doll out though.

This chapter is for sweetdreams1. Thank you so much for being a sound board for me, for letting me talk to you about my ideas and guiding me through an epic mind melt down in which I smoked half a packet of cigarettes and ate a whole bar of chocolate. Without you this story would be very different and I would be no where near as satisfied with it so thank you so much.

Oh and warnings ahoy. There are limes ahead. How naughty of me :D Enjoy them!

"What was that?" I yelped in panic. I gripped the arm rests of my too small seat and glanced around nervously.

"Jake calm down! If you break the seat they will make us pay for it," Bella giggled. I glared at her but did not release my death grip on the arm rests. A loud whirring noise started to my left and my heart began pounding ridiculously fast. I wasn't sure if I could have a heart attack, being a werewolf and all, but my heart was making a decent attempt.

"I can't believe your laughing at me. You're supposed to be my loving, supporting wife and you're laughing at me," I growled at her. Bella had the biggest shit eating grin on her face and I could see the laughter shaking her shoulders.

"_I_ can't believe you're scared of flying. Seriously Jake, the plane is safer than the car trip to the airport," Bella scoffed, but she put one hand over my knuckles which were white with the amount of force I was using to hold on. The plane wasn't even moving yet. How the hell was I going to hang on for three hours?

"That's what they want you to think," I grumbled. A loud rattling noise just about did me in before I realized it was the drinks cart being pushed by a leggy brunette in an air hostess uniform.

"Hi, would you like a pre flight drink?" she asked me with a smile, all cheery and polite. Nothing had ever sounded better.

"Yes. Bourbon, now!" I ordered her. She looked a little startled but gave me the tiny bottle of amber liquid and a plastic cup before hurrying off. Bella watched me in disbelief as I stuffed the plastic cup into the little trash can next to my chair and guzzled the entire contents of the bottle in one go.

"Hey if the plane crashes-" Bella started.

"If? What do you mean if? The plane can't crash right? It won't crash! Why did I let you talk me into this? We should have taken The Rabbit," I moaned. One of the passengers in the seat across the aisle looked at me like I was crazy but I didn't care one little bit. I kept picturing all of those movies I had seen of planes crashing in a fiery ball of death. That was so not helping the situation but I couldn't stop my self. I fidgeted nervously in my seat. I just wanted off this death trap. Or another bottle of bourbon regardless of the fact that they were seven bucks each and had no affect what so ever.

"Jake look at me," Bella said her tone authoritative with no hint of the laughter from before. I glanced over at her and she reached up and ran her fingers through my hair over and over. Her nails scraped my scalp and it felt amazing. Plus it was distracting. I closed my eyes and I felt Bella's breath on my face.

"Its ok, calm down" she whispered and kissed my cheek "Nothing is going to happen were just going to sit here for a few hours and we will be fine. It's ok." Bella kept up a stream of reassurances and slowly, under her touch, I began to relax a little. I felt her pull the empty bottle from my fingers.

Charlie and Billy had surprised us by paying for a honeymoon to California as our wedding gift. Neither of us had seen it coming and we were more than a little shocked. I couldn't figure out how they had pulled the money together so fast, especially seeing as Bella and I had had no choice but to accept help from them to pay for Bella's medical expenses too. At first we had tried to refuse, but they said that if we didn't go they would, so we might as well use it. I was stupid enough to think we would be taking a road trip. I felt a sudden strong vibration beneath my legs and my eyes snapped open. Bella's fingers had left my hair and the fear came rushing back.

The air hostess' were going through the safety routine telling you what to do in an emergency. This was not helping me. I had always known I felt uneasy about flying but I had no idea I would be this terrified. I can take down a snarling, blood thirsty vampire without batting an eyelash but something as normal as getting on a plane had me shaking in my boots, literally. Bella's hands were at my waist buckling my seat belt.

"Its ok, you're ok," she whispered and held my hand. I concentrated on that, tracing her new wedding band with nervous fingers. The plane began to move but before I could really freak out, Bella's hand was in my hair again, soft and reassuring. As the plane began powering up she ignored the flight attendant's requests to stay seated up right and lent over, kissing my cheek, my jaw. I reached out for her with one hand but still held on to the seat for dear life with the other.

I ran my hand down her spine and closed my eyes again. I shut out the plane and my world became Bella. Her skin was so soft where her shirt rode up a little, exposing her lower back. Her clean addictive scent washed over me and I took deep breaths of it, trying to force myself to calm down. I could feel her hair brushing my face and her full lips whispering against the corner of my mouth.

"I'm here Jake. I won't let anything happen to you. I promise."

"Are you gonna share?"

"Nope," Bella said happily, licking her ice cream. I swallowed hard as I watched her pink tongue run over her lips. She hummed a little moan of contentment. She watched my face while she sucked a finger that had melted ice cream on it into her mouth. Ice creams had officially become sexy.

"Come on it looks really good," I begged watching her lick the vanilla ice cream cone again.

"It is really good," Bella teased. She grinned at me and I knew she knew I wasn't talking about the ice cream any more. I lent over the small table to kiss her and her strawberry taste was all vanilla now. I could feel her smiling under my mouth and sneakily I reached over and stole her ice cream.

"Hey!" she protested as I leant back with my prize "No fair you distracted me!"

"We all have to play our strengths. It's not my fault you can't resist me," I laughed at her and quickly devoured the treat. Bella glared at me but I could tell she didn't really mind. She turned her face away from me so I could only see her profile and she closed her eyes, soaking up the warm sun that shone down on us. Even though it was only early spring the California sun was hot to me.

Kids were running around screaming, high on sugar and excitement. Parents scolded them loudly, people were laughing and singing. The ice cream stand's music was blaringly loud but I tuned all of that out. I listened to Bella's heart as she basked in the sun. It was strong and steady. She took a deep breath and exhaled long and loud. She ran a hand over her fore arm, her nails scratching her skin lightly. She was humming softly, matching the ice cream stand's jingle. Bella was my soundtrack. She opened her eyes and stretched out her slim arms.

"I can't believe were here. I always wanted to come here when I was little," Bella told me, watching as I crumpled up the ice cream's wrapper. She rested her elbows on the table and lent her chin on her hands. She had a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on and she looked absolutely adorable.

"I still can't believe you're wearing those," I teased her, reaching over and tugging on the ears. She swatted my hands away.

"Were at Disney Land everyone is wearing them," she said defensively. She pouted a little but it just added to the cuteness. I wish I had a camera with me. I would have to buy one of those disposable ones in the souvenir shop.

"Yeah all the children are wearing them," I pointed out with a laugh, gesturing to the kids running around the tables, all of them wearing the same ears as her.

"Shut up, I look fabulous," Bella informed me, sticking her tongue out.

"Yeah, you do," I replied honestly. I reached out and grabbed her hand, scooting my chair closer to hers. I kissed my way up her arm watching her face, loving the blush that was starting to stain her cheeks. It was so Bella.

"You," I kissed her shoulder.

"Look," my lips grazed her neck and she shivered in the sun.

"Absolutely," my tongue darted out, tasting her jaw line.

"Amazing," I finished and kissed her mouth again. She laughed when I pulled back and wrapped her arms round my neck. She lent forward, her chest crushed against mine, our legs tangled together under the table.

"Wanna go on a ride?" I joked, raising my eyebrows suggestively at her. Her mouth fell open in mock offense, catching my none to subtle innuendo. She poked a finger into my chest but kept the other arm around my neck. I wrapped long fingers round her waist and pulled her closer to me. Her chair scraped loudly on the concrete.

"Jacob Black, we are surrounded by children," she scolded me, her voice serious but her eyes were laughing.

"Well we have a very comfortable, very children free hotel room," I informed her, leaning down to kiss her neck again. I loved the way she always quivered when ever I kissed her there. Her fingers ran over my shoulders, pushing gently. I pulled back.

"But I wanna go on the tea cups," she said. Now it was my turn to pretend to be offended.

"You would rather go on the tea cups, _again_, than go back to the hotel with someone as handsome, sexy, talented and-"

"Modest?" Bella supplied cheekily, her fingers on my face now running over my cheek bones.

"You are so mean," I said, playing along. I leant into her touch and Bella kissed me again. I held back a groan when I felt her lightly nip my bottom lip with her teeth. I leant forward to deepen the kiss but suddenly I felt Bella pulling back, untangling her body from mine. She stood up and held out her hand. I took it, twining our fingers together and we walked away from the ice cream cart. She had a huge happy smile on her face.

"Were not going back to the hotel room are we?" I asked speculatively, letting her pull me along through the crowds in the opposite direction of the car park.

"Nope," she laughed shaking her head.

"Were going back to those damn tea cups aren't we?"

"You got it!" Bella was smiling at me over her shoulder, the sun making her seem golden and even more beautiful than ever. Her eyes were wide and excited but more importantly she looked healthy. She looked the healthiest I had seen her in a long time.

"But we have been on them five times already," I protested but my heart wasn't really in it. She chuckled at me and looked so full of life I couldn't help the small blossom of hope I felt in my chest. Maybe laugher really was the best medicine. Maybe, just maybe there was a small chance we would get through this even if it meant riding those bloody tea cups for the sixth time in one day.

I stood on the balcony of our hotel room staring up at the stars that pricked the sky. I couldn't sleep despite having spent all day at Disney Land and all evening wrapped up in Bella's arms. I glanced back through the glass sliding door to the bed and could see Bella's pale legs tangled up in cream sheets. Her breathing was soft and steady. I sat down at the small wooden table and fiddled with the plastic ashtray that was on it.

The wind was cool at night but I hadn't bothered with a shirt or shoes. The moon shone brightly down onto the balcony making even my russet skin seem washed out and my wedding band glinted brightly in the white light. I let go of the ashtray and grabbed my wallet that I had tossed onto the table earlier and opened it up shuffling through receipts and the odd note until I found what I was looking for.

Gently I pulled the small, dog eared photograph that I always kept in my wallet into the moon's pale light. I traced the face smiling up at me with my fingers. My mom grinned back at me. She was laughing at my dad when he took this photo of me and her. We had been painting my bed room and gotten paint all over ourselves. My mom was holding me, her chin resting on top of my head, both of our faces splattered with blue paint. I was nine. She had died two weeks later.

"I wish you could have known Bella now mom," I whispered to the photograph. My mom kept smiling at me.

"I think you would have liked her. She makes me so happy and she can cook really well so that's a plus," I told her with a small laugh. I closed my eyes and for a moment I could see her as clearly as if she was standing next to me right now. Her hair always smelt like flowers and she was laughing. Mom was always laughing and happy when I thought of her but never speaking. I think that was because I couldn't really remember the sound of her voice anymore. But I would always remember the way she laughed. I opened my eyes and the picture was blurry.

"I miss you mom," I told the photo and swallowed the lump in my throat. I bit my lip to try and distract myself from the sting in my eyes.

"Jacob?"

I gasped and turned toward the glass door. Bella was standing there, wearing my shirt which came almost to her knees. She padded toward me quietly on bare feet. I reached out an arm and she sat on my lap. She didn't say anything for a moment just glanced down at the photo in my hand.

"Is that your mom?" she asked in a hushed voice. I nodded and she gently pulled the photograph out of my grasp. She studied it for several long minutes, her brows coming together in her over thinking face.

"Do you remember her at all? She was always there when you stayed over night with the twins," I asked her softly, playing with the long locks of hair the spilled down her back. I could feel a lot of loose strands of her hair come away in my fingers but I kept that fact to myself.

"I can't remember her but I know I met her," Bella said in a low whisper "She's beautiful."

"Yeah she was," I agreed. I stared at the photo in Bella's hand. Mom had her arms wrapped across my shoulders and I was waving at the camera. There was paint in both our hair. Bella's little fingers ran over my nine year old face.

"Do you remember the car crash?" she breathed, looking away from the picture. The question took me by surprise and I sucked in a deep breath. I hadn't thought about the crash in several years. I supposed it was a good thing but it felt like sacrilege to forget anything about my mom, even the way she died.

"Bits and pieces. Mostly it comes back in nightmares but I don't have them as much anymore," I admitted slowly "I used to remember more but not so much now that I'm older I guess."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I understand if it's too much," she murmured and kissed my temple. I shook my head slowly.

"It's ok. I just never really spoke about it before. Not even to dad," I took the photo out of Bella's hand and tried to smooth the curling edges down with a big thumb. It didn't work. Bella's hand was behind my neck and she kissed the juncture between my neck and shoulder softly. I pulled her closer and she rested her head on my chest, her ear over my heart.

"We were going somewhere. I think mom was dropping me off at Embry's place because it was raining really hard. She was singing to the radio, she always did that even though she wasn't very good. It was a Beatles song that day; Hello Goodbye. Every time I hear that song it reminds me of her. That's what I remember the clearest. She was still singing when the horn blared and next thing I know we were going side ways. I don't remember the truck hitting us just…a metal screeching. Then there is nothing but blackness. I woke up in the hospital with a broken arm," I told her my voice much more calm than I felt. I didn't know how to describe the rush of fear I had felt that made the whole world slow to a crawl or the agonizing pain of having my left arm trapped under heavy metal so I didn't try to tell her. It didn't matter anyway.

"I'm so sorry Jacob" Bella whispered into my chest. I placed the photograph on the wooden table, face down. It hurt too look at for too long.

"It's ok," I kissed her forehead and closed my eyes. I debated with myself whether or not to continue. Bella and I had no secrets, but we had never spoken about this before. I bit my lip hard before taking the plunge. I could taste blood in my mouth.

"For a long time I felt like it was my fault you know. If I hadn't had wanted to go to Embry's then she wouldn't of died," I admitted quietly, voicing the one thing about the accident that no one knew. For years I had been convinced if I hadn't wanted to go out my mom wouldn't have died. I still wasn't so sure that that wasn't true. Bella's head lifted off my chest and I turned my face away from hers.

"Jake it was an accident. It wasn't your fault; it could have happened to any one," Bella explained, her hands on my face, her eyes tight and worried.

"Sure, sure," I shrugged. I felt Bella's little hands pull on my jaw and I let her tilt my face downwards.

"No I mean it. It wasn't your fault," Bella insisted her face imploring.

"How do you know?" my voice cracked a little as I asked her. Bella kissed me gently her fingers caressed my neck with feather light strokes. The air between us was needy and desperate.

"You can't control everything in life. Sometimes it's just your time. But you didn't cause the accident. Jacob you didn't kill your mother," she explained against my mouth. I rested my forehead against hers. Her heart was thudding fast and so was mine.

"Is that how you feel?" I sighed as she kissed me again with more force. I wrapped both arms around her waist, pulling her into my body and she straddled me, her shirt riding up her bare thighs. She looked so beautiful in the moon light and so human with her flushed cheeks and heaving breath. I couldn't loose her, I just couldn't.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked her brows coming together in confusion. I didn't respond straight away. Instead I ran my hands down her back. I nipped her neck gently with my teeth and I felt her head fall back and she let loose a small throaty moan. I wanted to taste all of her. I needed to feel all of her. The absolute necessity to touch every part of her burned in my veins. Her hands ran down my chest and they left fire in their wake.

"When it's your time, then it's your time and you can't change that," I ground out as I explored her collarbone with my mouth. I kissed her pale skin and felt so unbelievably satisfied when she moaned again. I caused that, just me. I was the only one who could make her react like that, even now.

"Yes," she groaned softly as one of my hands roamed across her milky thigh. She gasped when my other hand snaked its way under her shirt and gently rolled her nipple between two fingers. I could smell her and she always smelt so sweet but now she smelt sweet and warm and ready.

"Are you scared?" I kissed her other breast through her shirt, grazing the nipple with my teeth. Her hips bucked involuntarily, grinding her pelvis into mine. We both let out a strangled moan at the pressure. My whole body throbbed with want for her.

"No," she breathed her hands in my hair. She arched into my touch as I kissed her harden nipple again.

"Why not?" I asked her and I tried not to whine as she pulled back from me. She licked her lips and took a few moments to answer me.

"Because I'm never scared when I'm with you. You make me feel safe. You always protect me. You would never leave me alone," she said openly and honestly. I shook my head at her because I knew that wasn't true. I couldn't protect her from everything and that fact killed me.

"But I can't protect you from death. At least not this kind of death," I said and my throat felt hot and tight for the second time this evening. Bella's hand wrapped around my neck and she kissed me again. Her mouth left mine and her lips kissed their way along my jaw and down my neck. I wrapped a large hand into her hair.

"Yes you can. Just by being there you're protecting me. By loving me and kissing me and holding me. You make me feel warm Jake. Warm and alive," her voice was tight now and her hands dropped to the top of my sweat pants. She lifted her head and when she looked at me I felt my breath catch. I felt like I could see right into her and she could see all of me. She was my soul mate and god I loved her so much.

"I'll always keep you warm," I promised her. I grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her hard with crushing force and she met me at every step, her thighs wrapping around my middle. We tumbled out of the wooden chair onto the balcony's chilly tiles.

"I love you Bells."

"I love you too Jacob."

We made love on the balcony floor and Bella never once mentioned the cold. I would always keep her warm.

I glared at the grey sky out of the window. It was our last day of our honeymoon and we were supposed to go to the beach but instead we had woken up to pouring rain. Bells had shrugged it off and we had lain in bed all day watching movies, making out and eating room service. But I was still annoyed we hadn't been able to go because I knew Bella had been looking forward to it. Plus I was missing out on perving on her in a bikini. Instead I was being forced to watch Batman and Robin.

"Batman is so hot," Bella giggled staring at the TV screen. I watched George Clooney sucker punch some bad guys and I frowned at her.

"I didn't know you were into latex Bells," I joked "Should I be worried?"

"I'm not into latex," Bella mumbled, flushing a bright red. I chuckled at her and grabbed another handful of popcorn shoving it into my mouth in one go.

"I dunno. I bet if he wasn't wearing that suit you wouldn't be all gaga over him," I teased her with my mouth full.

"Oh come on its George Clooney. He is always hot latex or not," Bella laughed, gesturing at the screen as Batman and Robin ran around on screen in their ridiculously tight superhero outfits.

"George Clooney is like fifty or something. How is that attractive?" I scoffed as Clooney jumped from rooftop to rooftop. I could so do that in real life, Clooney would just splatter all over the pavement.

"He's like a fine wine. He gets better with age," Bella sighed. I raised my eyebrows at her in disbelief and she grinned at me sheepishly.

"That's not something you're supposed to tell me Bells! Ugh I'm having mental images of you with a wrinkly old man," I moaned, reaching up and pretending to claw my eyes out. Bella sat up on the bed cross legged and managed to look suspicious and pleased all in one go.

"Oh what are you jealous?" she asked, running her fingers up my fore arm.

"No!" I protested much more loudly than I probably should of.

"Oh my god you are jealous!" Bella laughed clapping a hand across her mouth and dissolving into a fit of hysterics.

"Why would I be jealous of a movie star?" I grumbled, glaring at the screen again. This was all Clooney's fault. Those abs so weren't real, I could totally take that guy down. Bella composed herself and reached out grabbing my hand.

"You're so cute," she whispered grinning at me. I turned away from the screen as Bella kissed my hand. She was lying on her side now completely ignoring the TV. She was wearing one of my shirts again and a pair of sweat pants and even in that she looked amazing.

"So are you," I told her and she smiled awkwardly. She scooted closer to me and I kissed her forehead. She wrapped a slim arm over my waist; her finger's working their way under my shirt, tickling my side. I kissed her hair, taking in her wonderful scent. I was just about to suggest that we turn off the movie so I could show her just how much better I was than Clooney when she opened her mouth.

"Do we have anything left to drink?" she asked, looking up at me from the crook of my shoulder. I reached over to the bedside and only found empty glasses.

"I'll go get something," I sighed, untangling myself from her.

"Just order it," Bella said, reaching out to me as I slid off the bed. I grinned at her over my shoulder. Knowing my luck just as we were bout to muck about there would be a knock on the door.

"Nah it'll take too long. Besides I'll give you some alone time with your boyfriend," I teased, ducking as she threw a pillow at me. I had to duck another one on the way to the door.

I waited impatiently in the cramped elevator that was not built with seven foot tall people in mind. I stabbed the L key as if that would make it go faster. Finally with a ding I was down stairs. I crossed the empty foyer; my foot falls echoing and ducked my head to get through the door way of the little gift shop. _Seriously what was with this hotel and it obvious hatred of tall people_, I thought as I went straight for the fridge and dug out two cokes from the back.

As I made my way up to the register I felt that burning feeling on the back of my neck that you get when you know someone is watching you. I stopped in the middle of the aisle and looked behind me. I could see through the glass walls of the gift shop that the lobby was empty aside from the workers at the concierge desk. I rubbed the back of my neck; sure that someone had been there. The only person in the gift shop was the check out chick who had ear buds in and was reading some celebrity gossip magazine.

I started walking to the register again when something in the toy section caught my eye. With a grin I pulled a plastic batman mask off the hook it was hanging on. This was perfect; Bella would go nuts when she saw this. Fantasies of busting in wearing the mask and Bella falling into my arms came to mind and I bit my lip so as to not start giggling like a school girl. I reached the counter pulling out my wallet to pay for the cokes and the mask. As I was taking my stuff I felt that watching feeling again and it was really getting on my nerves. I spun on my heel expecting to find someone behind me but again the gift shop was empty.

I walked across the lobby again glancing around but saw no one. I shrugged it off; I was probably just imagining things. I rounded the corner to the elevators. I pushed the up button and as I waited I ripped the price tag off the mask. I heard the ding of the elevator as it arrived and was just about to step into it when it hit me. That scent that I would never forget. Sickly sweet and burning like sugar and bleach mixed together. It smelt like decaying flesh and so unnaturally wrong. The urge to phase flooded through my veins as I turned to my left. It took me a full ten seconds to process what I was seeing.

Edward Cullen stood not five feet away from me.

"Hello Jacob," Edward said politely. I was not polite in the least.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I spat my whole body shaking. The wolf in me kept zeroing in on the wrongness of everything about him. The fact that he hadn't changed in the tiniest bit in the five years since I had seen him last. The way his skin glowed preternaturally in the florescent lighting of the hallway. The sick, unnatural way he moved, pretending to blink and breathe and be alive. The wolf in me howled, begging me to phase to rip, to tear, to kill the predator. He took a step toward me and I skidded backwards.

"Back off," I growled at him. Edward stopped and gestured to the floor. The batman mask was on the floor and was completely crumpled. I must have crushed it in my hands and dropped it in shock.

"I only wanted to return your mask to you," Edward explained. His voice was like nails on a chalk board and it made my skin crawl. I didn't pick up the mask.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked again. Edward's expression changed from politeness to agony in less time than it took me to blink. He had stopped pretending to breathe, he wasn't even moving. The wolf in me was growling non stop; _wrong, evil, unnatural, kill him, kill him, protect Bella, kill him_…

"I'm not here to fight you Jacob. And I'm not here to hurt Bella. You don't need to protect her from me," Edward said quietly. Damn him, the mind reading blood sucker. I watched Cullen as he glanced upwards and closed his eyes. It took me a moment to realize what he was doing. He was listening to her, his face in the exact direction of mine and Bella's room seven floors above us.

"Don't you even think about it," I threatened. There was no way he was going up there, barging in on my wife on our honeymoon. I would kill him before he even took one step in her direction. Edward's eyes snapped open and he glanced down at my left hand, clutching the sodas.

"Honeymoon?" he asked incredulously "She married you?"

"Don't look so surprised leech," I spat but he didn't look surprised at all. Instead Edward looked betrayed, hurt. I still couldn't figure out why he was here and the wolf inside me was starting to make more and more sense. _He shouldn't be here, destroy him, protect her, _the wolf whispered. With extreme effort I pushed that voice away.

"So you've learnt some self control mutt," Edward sneered, the polite facade dropping away. I turned away from him. I wasn't dealing with this. I pushed the button for the elevator again.

"I was in Forks yesterday-" Edward started but I cut him off.

"What?" I asked in shock, turning back toward him. How had I not known about this? Why hadn't someone called me, picked up his scent on patrol? I would kill Embry when I got back; he was supposed to be filling in for me while I was gone.

"I stayed well away from the treaty line. Your pack never saw me," Edward explaining, picking my brain.

"Stay out of my head," I growled.

"I try, but you are loud Jacob. Its like you're screaming at me," Edward spoke to me like I was a five year old. I narrowed my eyes at him fantasized about reaching over and smashing his face into the concrete wall beside us. Edward didn't give me the satisfaction of responding to my unvoiced threat.

"Alice had a vision. It was hazy but I had to come back just to make sure. I overheard Charlie's thoughts but…Charlie has never been the easiest person to read. I did mange to pick out the address of this hotel though," Edward said quietly. I bristled at this.

"You had no right to be anywhere near Charlie," I snapped at him. Edward gave no sign that he had even heard me. I felt my shoulders tremble and a heat travel down my spine. The urge to phase was getting stronger and stronger with every passing second.

"Is it true?" Cullen asked, his eyes burning into mine.

"Is what true?" I asked totally bewildered. He wasn't making any sense. I reached out and stabbed the elevator button again.

"Is Bella sick? Charlie, he was thinking about funeral arrangements," Cullen muttered softly.

Oh.

I stopped stabbing the elevator button and glanced over at him. His eyes looked like they were on fire, his face twisted into a mask of grief. All it did was make him look even more inhuman, even more unnatural. I took a deep breath.

"She has leukemia," I sighed. I dint know why I was telling him. It was none of his business. Edward sucked in a deep breath that he didn't need and nodded but I didn't know if he was nodding in agreement with my thoughts or not. Probably not.

"Is there any hope for her or…" he trailed off but I knew what he was thinking even with out the ability to read minds. I sucked on my teeth for a moment before replying.

"The doctors reckon she's got maybe a year at the very most," I said quietly and winced. That was the first time I had ever said it out loud and hearing it in my voice made it seem disturbingly real. I turned my face away from Edward and studied the coke cans in my hand.

"I shouldn't have left her," Edward whispered. I jerked my head up.

"You didn't, she left you. There's a difference leech. Besides you couldn't have stopped this. Not even Doctor Fang could have stopped it," I barked at him. Edward shook his head slowly and muttered something under his breath so quietly that even I with my supernatural hearing couldn't pick out what he had said.

"What was that?" I snapped at him.

"I could have stopped it. I can stop it now," Edward said sounding hollow and lifeless. He was looking at me again and his eyes were still on fire his face all twisted and repulsed like he had just swallowed something bitter.

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, suspiciously.

"She…if she had stayed with me she wouldn't be human just now. She wouldn't be able to get sick," Edward whispered. I don't recall dropping the coke cans but I heard them hissing when they dropped to the floor, soda spilling everywhere. I slammed into Cullen, grabbing him by the scruff of the neck, pinning him to the concrete wall. It cracked under the force.

"Don't you dare even say that. Don't even think it," I snarled, inches from his face. I expected to feel ice cold hands forcing me away but that didn't happen.

"I don't want that. I've never wanted that. But it could save her, you know that," Edward explained, his voice desperate.

"That's not saving her, that's killing her now instead of dying in a year. Either way she would still be dead," I hissed and I saw a glimmer of anger in Cullen's eyes.

"Only to you," he spat and with that I lost the last remnants of self control. I pushed him away from the wall onto the floor. It cracked as well. I knelt over him and wrapped a large hand round his throat and he let me do it. My skin seemed even darker than normal next to his whiteness. I squeezed hard but still Edward didn't stop me. I remember Bella telling me he went to Italy to die when he thought she had committed suicide. Well if he still wanted that I would be more than happy to oblige.

"You stay the fuck away from her. You come to Forks again and I will end you," I promised him and I meant every word. I would violate the treaty to end this self centered, blood sucking bastard. I heard the elevator ding and I let go of his throat and strode into it, not waiting for him to reply. I cracked the plastic button for my floor with the force I used to press it. Edward was still sprawled on the floor, soda staining his shirt, but I caught the last words he said to me before the doors slid shut.

"You know it would save her."

When I got back to the hotel room and Bella asked me why I didn't have any drinks and I lied and said they were sold out.

"Did you bring me back a present?" Claire asked jumping up and down. Quil had been looking after our place while we were away and I could see they had made their selves at home. Shoes and plastic jewelry were strewn all over the floor next to several pretend make up kits. Hannah Montana was singing on the television.

"Give them a second Claire-bear, they just got home," Quil scolded her, although the effect was ruined by the huge smile he gave her. I dumped Bella's suitcase next to the couch. Bella reached into her purse and gave Claire the Minnie Mouse ears she had bought for her. The six and a half year old squealed and jumped up and down before putting them on her head.

"Do I look pretty Quil?" the little girl asked, twirling on the spot.

"Of course! You always look pretty," Quil assured his imprint. Bella plopped down onto the couch with a sigh. I lent over the arm of the chair and kissed her.

"Can you keep Claire entertained for a few minutes? I gotta talk to the Pack real quick," I asked her.

"Sure, sure take your time," Bella replied holding out her hand. I slipped my wedding band off and gave it to her so it wouldn't be completely destroyed when I phased. I kicked off my shoes and Quil followed me out the back door. I stripped off my shirt and dropped it on the grass as we made our way to the tree line.

"Is everyone already phased?" I asked as we entered the forest. Quil nodded and we both undid our pants and left them on the ground rather than tying them to our ankles. I forced my mind to go blank, suppressing Jacob and letting the wolf in me rise to the surface and take over. I felt a familiar ripple of heat travel down my spine and in the blink of an eye I found myself on four legs. We sprinted into the forest.

_Hey Jake welcome back man (I'm freaking hungry, how long is this stupid meeting gonna take)._

_How was the honeymoon?_

_How much furniture did you to break? And be honest! _

_(Kim looked mad this morning I wonder what I've done now) Did you go to Disney Land? Man I wished I couldn't have gone._

I was bombarded with the onslaught of questions and voices and desires that I had to shake my massive head for a moment to separate my thoughts from theirs. I didn't bother to answer any questions just now.

_Let's meet at the clearing near the little river that runs near the treaty line,_ I ordered and felt my pack brothers all race to the chosen destination. Everyone else was much closer than me and Quil so when we arrived everyone was already lounging around next to the stream. Seth was half in the stream drinking big gulps of ice cold water. It was strange to see him drinking in front of me and be able to see through his eyes at the same time.

_Ok, what's been happening since I've been gone, _I asked glancing around at the seven wolves in front of me. I shook my head again to get out of Seth's.

_Brady finally lost his virginity,_ Seth quipped lifting his head out of the water.

_Shut up Seth, _Brady yelled and tried desperately to distract his mind but not before everyone saw the flash of long dark hair and the touch of soft, skilled fingers followed swiftly by the strong feeling of embarrassment.

_Welcome to the rank of man Brady, _Embry thought, his laughter echoing in his mind. It was really the only way to laugh as a wolf, remembering your own laugher. We could feel the humor but could only really laugh by thinking about laughing as a human.

_I meant have you picked up on any bloodsuckers you idiots, _I grumbled. I had no idea how Sam had dealt with being Alpha for so long. It just about killed me. I heaved a sigh and sat back on my haunches. The flight back was playing on my mind and it had not been fun. Turbulence sucks.

_Big fat nothing same as always, _Paul sneered at me sounding bored. _Seriously why are we all here? The vamps cleared out years ago and they aren't coming back. _

_Oh really? _I snapped, _Edward Cullen was in Forks two days ago and you guys missed him. He was sneaking around Charlie's place, that's how he knew where me and Bella were. How could you miss something like that?_

_Whoa, no way (Shit I was patrolling at night two days ago. I'm so dead)._

_Are you serious?_

_What do you mean he knew where you were? _

_That can't be true we would have caught him (rip them to shreds, tear them to pieces)._

_How do you know, _Embry asked me. His thoughts were nervous. He had been in control while I was gone and he had missed the one leech that had passed through the area in four years. I didn't bother to answer his question I just replayed the scene in the hotel lobby for them to see. I couldn't hold back the anger than I had felt at the time and it bled into the pack mind. For the first time since becoming a werewolf I experienced total silence while everyone was phased. It was quickly followed by the loudest pandemonium I had ever hear while phased.

_What the fuck?_, Jared's voice rang through my head.

_He wanted to change her? That's messed up.__ (__**Flashes of Bella with pale white skin and bright red eyes)**_

_Wrong, it's so wrong._

_**(A shrieking sound as teeth pulled a white arm from its socket)**__.___

_What an asshole._

_How could he say that? (How did I miss him, reeking blood sucker)._

_Is he still here? (Kill them, filthy leeches, kill them all)._

_Who's supposed to be on patrol just now,_ I asked forced to use my Alpha's voice to cut through the din.

_Me and Seth, _Colin replied. I could feel his extreme disgust at the thought of Bella being changed. Colin and Brady had both phased for the first time two days after the Cullen's had left. They weren't around for the newborn battle but the thoughts they had picked out of their brother's heads, along with the instinctual bone deep hatred, had led to a heightened uneasiness regarding newborns. They had both only seen one vampire before and still weren't used to the thought of people being changed. The fact that Bella had been willing to change at one point disturbed them both to no end.

_Ok I want heavy patrols for the next week at least. We have to make sure that Cullen isn't snooping around here. Seth, Colin you two finish your patrol but Paul and Jared go with them. I'll call Rachael and Kim to let them know where you are. Me, Brady, Quil and Embry will take over for you at night fall. And make sure you check out Forks as well. _

_But Forks isn't in our territory, _Brady pointed out.

_I don't care. If Cullen is here I want to know about it ok? _I replied, _and you're to keep this quiet. I mean it. Don't tell your imprints, don't tell your parents and especially don't tell Bella. _

_Are you sure you wanna keep this a secret from Bella? _Jared asked gently. I knew I should tell Bella but I just couldn't. She was finally starting to seem better and I was terrified that if she knew Edward was around she would freak out.

_I will tell her but just not now. She will understand,_ I explained. I could feel the others doubt but I ignored it.

_I'll be back here at night fall. Get going._ Four of the wolves slunk off into the forest. I turned and headed back toward home. I could feel my brothers fanning out, paws thumping along the mossy earth.

_What will we do if we find him here? _Quil asked, speaking for the first time since we had phased. I snorted aloud.

_Destroy him, _I answered. I felt Quil's mind recoil in shock.

_But what about the treaty? _Embry asked his voice barley above a whisper in my mind. I could feel his chagrin at his mistake. I didn't blame him; Cullen had been far outside of our territory. But that didn't change anything. In my eyes Cullen had threatened Bella. He didn't deserve to be protected by a promise that was almost a hundred years old.

_Fuck the treaty_ I snarled before phasing. I walked back the rest of the way alone.

"Hey I'm home!" I called out as I walked through the front door. I dropped the mail and my car keys on the little table in the hallway. I stifled a huge yawn as I wandered into the kitchen. I had just finished a double shift at Dowling's and had to head out to patrol in an hour. We had been home for three weeks and hadn't seen Edward once. I wasn't loosing hope though.

"Bells, you here?" I yelled out as I stuck my head into the fridge. I grabbed the cheese slices and closed the door. I heard the padding of bare feet and looked up as Bella came round the corner from our bedroom, the cordless phone in her hand. I smiled at her and jumped up to sit on the kitchen counter. I stuffed a cheese slice into my mouth greedily. Bella sighed placing the phone back on the hook and came into the kitchen holding out her hand.

"Give me those," Bella scolded.

"Get your own cheese," I mumbled through another slice. Bella rolled her eyes and grabbed the bread out of the bread bin.

"If your hungry I'll make you a sandwich silly," she said, her hand still outstretched.

"With ham and mustard?" I asked hopefully.

"Sure if you want," Bella said with a shrug. I jumped down and gave her the cheese, kissing her shoulder.

"You're the best Bells," I told her. I leant on the pantry door and watched her work.

"I called the school," Bella said quietly as she spread mustard on the bread. I didn't say anything, knowing if I asked it would take longer for her to spit it out. Bella always clamped up when ever you asked her about serious things. It was better to let her get it out in her own time.

"I asked them to cut me down to three days a week," she said softly, not looking up from the sandwiches. I grabbed a plate and set it down next to her.

"Are you sure you can do three days? Dr Tikvah was saying it might be better if you took some time off," I said gently. I knew this was hard for Bella. She loved her job; she was always telling me stories about her students and the other teachers.

"I know but teaching is the one thing I do really well. It's the only way I can make a difference in people lives. I don't want to give it up just yet. Besides we need the money," Bella replied, piling the sandwiches onto my plate. She reached up and grabbed a glass from the over head cupboard.

"You make a difference in my life every day," I told her, opening the fridge and handing her the orange juice. Bella snorted as she filled the glass.

"You're prejudiced. You have to say stuff like that," Bella said as she ducked past me and returned the bottle to the fridge. She grabbed the plate and passed it to me.

"No it's true. If you were not here then I'd have to live like an animal, drinking out of the milk carton and living of cheese slices," I told her stuffing a whole sandwich into my mouth. I reached for another one and Bella turned to face the counter, scuffing her bare toes at a small tear in the linoleum.

"Dr Tikvah called today," she told me. In response I promptly started choking. I forced myself to swallow the bread and ham down. Dr Tikvah never called us at home except for one reason. And it was always bad.

"What's happened?" I coughed. I had been so sure she had been getting better. She slept better at night and could make it through the whole day without napping. She was eating better, gaining weight. Bella bit her lip which did not comfort me at all. I put the plate down and turned her around to face me wrapping my arms over her shoulders. Her skin was cold.

"She said my white blood cell count was up," Bella whispered, her hands clutching my upper arms. She was shaking and still sucking on her lip. _That doesn't make sense_, I thought, _if her white blood cell count is up then it means she __**is**__ getting better_.

"But that's a good thing," I pointed out slowly "Right?"

"Yeah it is. She said that my life expectancy is a year and a half now not ten months," Bells admitted shyly.

"Then why are you so worried? This is great news!" I asked, pulling back, my hands still on her shoulders. The little prick of hope I had felt in my chest the past month became full blown. I knew I was right, I knew she could beat this. Bella shook her head at me.

"Every time they do a blood draw to test my white blood cells they do other tests as well. It's a standard procedure. And well this time something was different," Bella explained.

"Something different as in something bad?" I asked my momentary elation flooding out of my body.

"I don't think so. I mean I don't know," Bella said avoiding my eyes. No, this wasn't happening, not again. Why was it that every time something good happened it was swiftly followed by something horrendous?

"Ok Bells I'm going crazy here. Can you please just tell me what's going on?" I begged exasperatedly. Bella looked up at me and took a deep breath. This was going to be bad I just knew it. I could feel it in my bones. I didn't know how much more I could take.

"I'm pregnant" Bella said quietly. That was the last thing I expected.

"What?" I spluttered, my mouth falling open in shock.

"They always do a pregnancy test with every blood draw and it came back positive," Bella told me. I opened my mouth to reply and then shut it again. Pregnant? Bella couldn't be pregnant. We had been told the chemo would pretty much render her infertile. _But not completely infertile_, a small part of my brain whispered.

"Are you sure?" I asked eventually.

"Yeah the blood test confirmed it" Bella nodded. Her fingers were playing with the sleeve of my work shirt, pulling on a loose thread. My mind that had been going on overdrive just twenty seconds ago was now completely and totally blank. All I could think was one word; Pregnant.

"Shit," I muttered.

"That's what I said" Bella replied, raising her eyebrows at me.

"I bet Dr. Tikvah was shocked" I managed to get out. Hell I was shocked.

"Yeah she was," Bella agreed with a little smile. I ran a thumb across her cheekbone and she closed her eyes. She grabbed my hand and kissed my thumb gently.

"What are we gonna do?" I asked her. I couldn't imagine having a baby in our lives just now. Sure I had thought about it over the years but I had always assumed that it was a distant responsibility buried somewhere far into the future. When I had found out Bella was ill I had completely forgotten about the possibility of us having children.

"I don't know. It's going to be difficult," Bella sighed opening her deep brown eyes.

"That's an understatement," I scoffed. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth. If Bella kept the baby then she would have to stop treatment right? You couldn't have chemo while you were pregnant it would damage the baby. But if she stopped chemo then all the progress that Bella had made so far would be lost.

"If you keep it, won't you have to stop chemo?" I asked, studying her face closely.

"Yeah I will," Bella replied her voice small. She knew where I was going with this.

"And what did Dr Tikvah say about that?" I inquired. Bella fidgeted a little under my gaze but she didn't look away. Her voice was steady and calm when she answered me.

"She said if I do stay pregnant and stop the chemo then it decreases my chances of staying alive from a year and a half to eight months" she said confirming my fears. I felt a stab of torturous pain in my chest. Keep the baby and loose Bella quicker. Don't keep the baby and we both loose our first child.

"Maybe…maybe we shouldn't keep it then Bells," I said gently, ignoring the hurt at suggesting such a thing.

"I can't do that Jake," Bella's voice was still so sure and she shook her head at me again.

"Eight months isn't even enough time for you to be full term Bells. You will die if you keep it," I told her. I had to make sure she understood what she was doing. I wanted to protect her but it didn't seem to matter what I did she was always left in a vulnerable position.

"I'm going to die anyway! I know it is selfish but I couldn't help but to think that if I had this baby then some part of me will still be left behind for Charlie and Renee. And more importantly, for you," Bella insisted her hand traveling up my arms, linking behind my neck.

I felt my face crumple. This was too much; this decision was too big for me. I took a shaky breath and rubbed a hand over my eyes. I didn't know what to do. But I couldn't stand the thought of Bella trying to carry a child when it would most likely kill her.

"Don't you want him?" Bella interrupted my train of thought. I removed my hand and looked down at her. Her eyes were huge and sad. They sparkled with unshed tears and it broke my heart.

"Bells of course I want him. But not if it costs me you," I explained carefully. Bella meant the world to me and the thought of giving her up for a faceless, nameless baby, even if he was my own, hurt me beyond words. What she said suddenly filtered through my brain. A boy?

"It's a boy?" I asked in disbelief glancing down at her flat abdomen. I couldn't see a bump or anything; didn't she have to be further along before they could tell that stuff? Then again I had zero experience with pregnancy except for one hellish night in which I had had to drive Emily to the hospital when her water broke. Sam had been screaming at me the entire to drive faster and Emily had been crying.

"I don't know but I feel like it will be a boy," Bella whispered, dropping her hand to her tummy. She gave me a funny look before grabbing my hand and placing it over her tummy instead. I don't know if it was normal or the fact that I had a fair bit of supernatural in my blood but for a second I thought I felt the tiny flutter of a new heart. Bella smiled at me and her finger's twined with mine over her belly.

"I can do this Jake. Please I want him; I want us to have a family even if I'm only in the family for a little while," she begged softly. That was my one weakness and she knew it. I could never refuse her when she begged me like that. I kissed her gently, keeping my hand pressed against her belly and the little heart fluttered again.

"Ok Bells," I whispered against her mouth.

I was shell shocked and more than a little scared but found out I was going to become a father on a Wednesday. 


	7. Chapter Five: Thursday

**A/N: **Alrighty an update. I have a few things to mention before you continue reading the story so please bear with me. The first thing is the length of this chapter. While writing this there were so many scenes I wanted to put in the story and a lot of them fell into the following chapter. As a result this chapter is quite long. Very long in fact. If you have to rush out the door to go to work in fifteen minutes time (you know who you are lol) I suggest you start reading when you come home because we are sitting at an 18,000 word count here people.

The second thing is that I would like to point out I am not a medical expert. Like Jake I have zero experience when it comes to pregnancy and cancer treatments. I have changed a few things to fit the story but mostly I have tried my best to make it as accurate as possible. However I have had to use the internet aka Google for my research so I'm sure there will be some mistakes. I also have very limited experience with babies and children under ten years old. Truth be told they scare me a little lol. So I am apologizing in advance if there are any medical or child development mistakes.

Thirdly I have noticed that quite a few other fics have a sound track for them. I have a set of songs that I listen to basically on repeat while I write that remind me so much of this story and I was wondering if you guys would like me to share that with you. Don't worry it's not a complete emo fest either. Let me know either way. If yes then I will post another discussion entitled Soundtrack and have a list of songs plus You Tube links so that you can watch the film clips. If no then I will keep it to myself and dance in my computer chair as I write lol.

Fourthly I would like to give out a few shout outs. This chapter is for Taylor'sLizzie who was born on a Thursday and reviews epically. Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, I really appreciate them. This is also for Tamfan who has made me feel so welcome on this site. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me, you are fantabulous. I would also like to say thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story. Your opinion is so powerful and it is so wonderful to hear from you all. I know I've said it before but you all deserve to hear it again. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. It makes my day when I see such kind words. This is my first story and I know there are mistakes with the spelling and grammar (partly because I am without a Beta and also because I suck at grammar) so thank you for being patient with me. Also I apolgize for the crappy lay out of the last chapter. I accidently pulished it before editing it.

Ok enough of my boring blubbering. Go and read and enjoy it :D

**Chapter Five**

**Thursday**

I wiped my oil stained hands on my work pants and sighed. I was trying to avoid the fact that the engine in front of me needed a complete overhaul and I couldn't be arsed doing it. _This is why they pay you the big bucks_, my mind snickered. I was just about to resign myself to having to work solely on this car and not on any of the others that were back logged in the garage's car lot when a familiar voice called out.

"Jake you here man?" Embry's voice echoed through the garage.

"I'm up the back!" I yelled from under the hood. I heard Embry approach but I didn't move from under the vehicle. _What the hell have these people been doing to their car_; I wondered, my fingers sliding over the excess oil and grease that coated every part of the engine. I felt Embry's body heat as he stood next to me. He let loose a low whistle.

"Damn that thing is fucked," he commented, peering into the engine bay. I pulled back and reached up, slamming the hood shut.

"Yeah tell me something I don't know. Pass me that," I said pointing to a bunch of oily rags behind him. He grabbed one and tossed it to me.

"How come you're not at work?" I asked, snatching the rag out of mid air.

"Got the day off," he bragged. _Lucky bastard_, I thought. It was only Tuesday and I couldn't wait for the weekend. I was seriously considering abusing my Alpha rights and rearranging the patrol schedules so I could spend the whole weekend with Bella.

"What can I do for you Embry? If you're here to try and get Thursday night off you can forget it, you already had last Wednesday off," I told him, wiping my hands on the rag, moving toward the deserted office. I was the only one in today so I didn't have to worry about being overheard about pack business. Embry didn't reply and I glanced over my shoulder at him. Normally Embry is as cool as a cucumber, never rising to anger or letting small things stress him out. So it was unusual to seem him fidgeting with a random spanner he had picked up and staring at it like it held the answers to the mysteries of the world.

"Are you all right?" I asked, turning to face him and leaning against another car, stuffing the oily rag into my pocket. Embry just shrugged, turning the spanner over and over in his hands. I glanced down at his hands, noticing the tremble in them. Embry was nervous.

"Hey what's up? You're staring at that spanner like it's going to reveal Angelina Jolie's phone number," I joked trying to break the mood. Embry cracked a small smile before tossing the spanner into the wrong draw of my tool set.

"You know I don't go for Angelina now that she's got a million kids," he said, running a hand through his short hair. He leant against the driver's side door of the car I had been working on, crossing his ankles in front of him. He looked up at me with a grin.

"Speaking of kids though I heard you knocked Bella up," Embry said crossing his arms over his chest.

"How'd you know that? Did Bells tell you?" I asked, shocked. I had managed to keep Bella's pregnancy out of my mind while phased, but only just. We had only told Charlie and Billy two days ago, but hadn't gotten round to letting the pack in on the secret.

"No I went round to Billy's when you weren't at your place. He mentioned it when I asked where you were," Embry replied and I held back a frustrated sigh. My father was worse than a nineteen year old with a black berry and an addiction to face book when it came to gossip.

"It was a bit of a surprise," I admitted.

"Billy said you two were going to keep it," Embry said after a long pause. His face was carefully kept blank and for a moment it reminded me of the days when he was in the pack and I wasn't. He had changed overnight, becoming a complete stranger to me who just so happened to be wearing Embry's face.

"Yeah we are," I replied, my brows coming together in a frown. I still wasn't sure that was the best idea but I had promised Bella I would support her.

"Are you sure that's wise?" Embry asked, echoing my thoughts. He unfolded his long arms and rested one hand on the hood. I watched as it dented the metal a little. I pointed at his hand and he glanced down and stopped accidentally damaging the already ruined car.

"Not really, but what else can we do?" I sighed, walking over to inspect the damage. It was just a little dent I could pop it out later.

"How did Charlie take it?" Embry questioned, shrugging away from the car.

"Ok I guess. He did say it was a good thing we were already married or he would have been busting out the shot gun," I chuckled at the memory. Charlie's face had gone from white to red to purple and then back to white again all in the space of half a minute. I had thought he was going to bust the vein in his forehead from the pressure.

"Drama, drama, drama," Embry said shaking his head. I laughed at him.

"You watched Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen?" I guffawed, my sides shaking.

"Hey you knew where the quote was from, so don't laugh at me," Embry pointed out and I quickly stopped snickering. Embry turned his back to me and all of the joking fell away. His hands were twitching nervously again. He didn't turn around when he spoke.

"Jake I've been thinking," he said quietly.

"Did it hurt?" I quipped and he spun around with a frown on his face.

"Real funny asshole," Embry scowled, flashing me the finger. I laughed and waved my hand at him, gesturing for him to continue. Embry bit his lip and waited a moment before speaking.

"I think you should tell Bella about Cullen," He said seriously. The stranger Embry face was back on again and I sighed. I brought a dirty hand up to my face and pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes.

"Embry-" I started wearily, having had this conversation before. He cut me off before I could continue.

"Seriously Jake, she's gonna be pissed when she finds out. She deserves to know and you know it," Embry explained his logic flawless. I opened my eyes and glared at him. I didn't need another lecture from him on how to deal with my relationship.

"I know that," I snapped.

"Well why haven't you told her?" he demanded irritably. I rolled my eyes at him. I had already told him why no less than five times how was he not getting this?

"Because she's pregnant and sick and I don't want to add any more problems," I explained sarcastically. Embry scoffed and shook his head.

"I don't think that's it. I reckon you think she'll take one look at the leech and jump back into his arms," he accused. I winced, Embry's remark hitting a little too close to home. First and foremost I didn't want Edward around Bella because I knew it would upset her. I could admit freely that she had loved him at one point in her life and a visit from and ex is never fun at the best of times. But this wasn't the best of times and I couldn't stand the thought of Bella getting sick again as a result from an avoidable emotional upheaval.

But that wasn't my only reason, although I didn't like to admit it, even to myself. Edward made me feel more than a little insecure. He had years on me, heaps of money and bloody Aston Martin. I knew Bella didn't go for the material good but still, he could offer her more of that world than I ever could and that fact bugged me. Plus she had loved him. She had left me without a backwards glance when he was in trouble in Italy and a small part of me was worried that if she had seen the face I had seen in that hotel lobby she would leave me for him. Again.

"So what?" I said defensively. I crossed my arms over my broad chest and tried to play it cool. I was pretty good at hiding what I was feeling; at least on the surface but what Embry had said had rattled me. I could tell him wasn't falling for my show of bravado.

"You should trust her," Embry told me gently. His stranger face was gone now and he looked worried.

"I do trust Bella. I trust her with my life dammit," I growled at him.

"Well then it shouldn't be hard to tell her about the leech then. You said yourself you didn't want any more problems but I guarantee you this will blow up in your face," he said. I shrugged and looked away.

"You know I'm right," Embry's voice was so soft I barely heard him.

"Yeah I know," I admitted. Embry gave me a sad half smile.

"You will do the right thing," he said confidently. I glanced down at him in surprise. Embry used to be the most irresponsible and reckless of the pack. Always out until four in the morning, coming home with a different girl each night. Since shaking up with Nadia, Embry had changed. Matured I guess. It wasn't a bad thing but it was still a little hard to get used to.

"Why do you even care?" I asked him.

"Because I'm your friend," he said simply. He punched me in the arm on the way past me.

"Besides if you don't tell Bella then I will," he yelled over his shoulder as he walked out of the garage.

"Do it and I'll order you to clean every surface of my house with a tooth brush!" I hollered at his retreating back. I heard him laugh at my threat but I decided to drop it. I knew he was right but dammit I wished he wasn't.

* * *

><p>My jaw cracked loudly as I yawned. I rested my hands on the cool tiles of the bathroom sink and studied my face in the mirror. My hair was getting long again; I needed to get Bella to cut it for me soon. I rubbed a hand over my eyes, the dark circles even more prominent today than yesterday. I grabbed the small can of shaving foam and my razor. Being a werewolf sucked for quite a few reasons but none more irritating than having to shave daily. If I didn't, I ended up looking like a homeless person in less than a week.<p>

I rubbed the foam over my cheeks and neck, stubble prickling my fingertips. The constant patrols were killing me, plus having to work like crazy to save up as much money as I could. I closed my eyes for a moment and rested my forehead on the mirrors glass. I felt like I was asleep on my feet. Her scent arrived before she did and I opened my eyes to see Bella appear in jeans and an oversized shirt behind me. She leant against the door frame, her eyes worried and her over thinking face on in full force. I picked up a little towel and placed it on my bare shoulder using the mirror to keep eye contact with her.

"Did you just get back from patrol?" she asked, her voice echoing off the bathroom walls. I nodded and brought the razor to my cheek. Bella sighed and shrugged away from the wall. She grabbed a hold of my arm and stepped up onto the lip of the bathtub. I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Give it to me," she said holding out her hand. I placed the razor in her palm and turned to face her, wrapping my arms around her thighs so she wouldn't fall. She rested her knees on my stomach and gently she scraped the razor over my cheek. She used the towel on my shoulder to wipe off the blade. It was a rare sunny day and the early Saturday morning sunlight flooded the bathroom from the window behind Bella, making her look like she was glowing.

We stood in silence as Bella ran the razor over my jaw and I found my eyes closing again listening to her breath, her heartbeat. It was like a lullaby to me. If I strained my ears I could hear the small thrumming within her. I ran my fingers over her thighs as Bella tugged on my hair softly, asking me without speaking to tip my head back. I bared my neck to her, my hands roaming higher now, circling her waist.

"I spoke to Embry the other day. He stopped by after patrol so I made him something to eat," Bella told me quietly.

"Mmmm," I hummed in response, not really paying attention to what she was saying. Bella's fingers on my chin turned my head to the left, and then ran along my jaw checking for missed spots.

"He mentioned something quite interesting," she continued.

"What was it?" I asked my voice croaking. I hadn't spoken since early last night having being in wolf form the whole time. Bella didn't answer right away; threading her fingers through my hair and pulling my head back again, running the razor slowly up my throat.

"He said you have the pack on red alert because Edward had been around," Bella said causally. My eyes snapped open and I dropped my jaw to look at her. My chin bumped her hand and she dropped the razor. It clattered to the floor splattering my legs with shaving foam.

"He did what?" I spluttered angrily.

"Jake you made me cut you," Bella scolded, grabbing the towel and pressing it to my neck. I hadn't even felt the sting of the cut and I didn't worry about it. It was most likely healed before Bella had even pulled the towel from my shoulder. I frowned at her as she applied pressure to the tiny nick.

"I told him not to say anything," I muttered under my breath. Bella peeked beneath the cloth before pulling it way from my neck and putting it back on my shoulder. She gestured to the razor on the floor.

"What did he say?" I asked as I bent down, snatching up the razor and shoving it into her hand.

"Just that Edward had been seen around Forks. Are you going to behave so I can finish?" she asked me. I tsked at her before letting my head fall back again, staring up at the white ceiling. I felt the cold razor blade on my neck again and addressed the roof.

"I'm going to kill Embry next time I see him," I grumbled. At least he hadn't told her about Cullen showing up on our honeymoon.

"No you won't," Bella told me calmly "Turn to the right for me."

"Yeah I will," I assured her, tipping my head in the direction she wanted.

"If you do then I will be even madder at you than I already am. And I'm technically holding a weapon right now Mr. Heals-Fast," Bella told me flatly, her fingers a little firmer on my jaw. I glanced down at her through my eye lashes. Her features were still and calm. She ran her fingers through the front of her hair, pushing it off her face before returning them to my chin.

"You don't look angry," I told her. Her eyes flickered up to mine for a second but her gaze turned away, concentrating on scraping up the last slivers of shaving foam.

"Trust me I am," she assured me. I closed my eyes and heaved a sigh. It was time to partake in an ancient male ritual, practiced and perfected over the ages; groveling.

"Bells, I'm really sorry. I know I should have told you but I didn't want to upset you. You were finally starting to get better and I was afraid if you knew Edward had been around you would have gotten distressed about it," I told her, my hands running up her slim arms reassuringly. She pulled her arms out of my grasp.

"When I was dating Edward he used to do this thing that really annoyed me. He used to lie to me because he thought that it would protect me. I seem to remember you getting in an argument with him in the school's parking lot saying that you would never do that to me," Bella's voice was sarcastic and stinging.

She grabbed the towel and wiped away the last of the shaving foam from my face. She clutched onto my shoulders and jumped down from the bathtub. I watched as she tossed the dirty towel onto the vanity and wash out the razor under the tap. She was frowning and her fingers shook as she snapped the plastic cap back on the shaving foam can. I was in deep shit and I knew it.

"This was different. I only did it so you wouldn't get hurt," I told her lamely, knowing she probably wouldn't buy it. Her eyes met mine in the mirror. I was in no way prepared for the next words that came out of her mouth.

"You know sometimes it really shocks me just how much you and Edward are alike," she whispered, shaking her head sadly. I felt my mouth drop open and hastily I closed it.

"I'm nothing like that blood sucking leech," I ground out, trying to keep control of my temper. Bella turned around and glared at me, her hands planted on her hips.

"Yeah well you sound just like him Jake," she accused, her voice rising sharply with anger. She brushed past me and I followed her out into the hallway. I grabbed her arm and turned her around to face me. She struggled and I let her go but by that point I had no control over my temper. And I completely lost it.

"What was I supposed to do? I was scared ok! I was scared that if I told you, you would get worse again. Do you know how much it kills me to see you wasting away because of the chemo? Forgive me if I didn't want to ruin the one time you were starting to get better," my voice exploded with anger, and it echoed off the walls of the hallway. Bella threw up her hands in exasperation.

"That's not fair Jake! You knew I didn't want to start chemo, I did that for you and now you're blaming me for the side effects?" she yelled at me, her hands back on her hips and her face defiant.

"I never said I was blaming you! You're putting words in my mouth Bella," I hissed at her, my hands coming up and pulling on my hair.

"This isn't really about chemo Jake and you know it. You felt threatened when Edward came back here, admit it," Bella snapped her beautiful face twisted with fury. My anger increased tenfold at that remark. She always thought Edward would hurt me, never thought I could take care of myself, despite how many vampires I had destroyed.

"Like fuck I did! I can take the blood sucker down any day!" I snarled, bending down so my face was inches from hers. She backed up but I followed her. She pressed her back against the wall and I placed two big hands on either side of her head, trapping her with my body.

"That's bullshit Jacob," She screamed at me, pushing on my shoulders. I didn't move. I was so mad my whole body was shaking.

"What are you saying I can't take him? Gee thanks Bella, nice to know you have faith in me," I ground out sarcastically. Bella's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"This isn't about you 'taking him' you idiot. You thought if I saw him again I'd dump you for him didn't you?" Bella screamed in my face, her eyes flashing. Embry was a dead man. I would kill him slowly for this.

"Well can you blame me Bella? Lord knows you did it before!" I roared at her.

"I can't believe you would say that to me. You talk about me not having faith in you, well it's a two way street Jacob," Bella yelled so loudly I though my ear drums would burst. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"I never said I didn't trust you!" I exclaimed violently, one of my hands curling into a fist and slamming into the wall. It went right through the plaster board and Bella jumped. She looked away from the new hole in the wall and glowered at me.

"Oh really Jacob? "Lord knows you did it before' huh? If that's not a lack of trust then I don't know what the fuck is," Bella's words dripped with sarcasm. It was a sign of how angry I was that I barely noticed Bella dropping the f-bomb. She pushed on my shoulders again and I moved back. She turned away from me marching toward our bedroom. I followed her and watched her grab her little over night back, stuffing random things into it.

"Where are you going?" I asked her, feeling a flutter of panic in my chest. Bella glared at me and snatched up her car keys from her bedside table.

"Home!" Bella snapped, storming past me zipping up the bag as she went. I reached out for her arm but she shrugged me off. I followed her down the hallway. Shit! This was spiraling out of control. I overtook her in the den, forcing her to stop.

"This is your home Bella," I said gently. Bella scowled and ducked past me, slipping past under my arm. Tears were rolling down her face now.

"I'm not staying here with you being such an asshole!" Bella screeched at me over her shoulder, slamming the front door into the wall with the force she used to rip it open. I followed her out onto the front lawn

"You can't go to Forks Bella. We still don't know if Cullen is sneaking around or not," I begged, my voice sounding more than a little desperate. Bella turned on her heel and strode up to me. She stopped inches away and poked my bare chest with her finger. She always did that when she was mad.

"I don't need _you_ to protect _me_ from _him_," she hissed at me, stabbing me with her finger with each word. My anger came flooding back and I threw my hands up in frustration.

"Fine! Go! See if I care," I growled at her. Bella turned on her heel again and stormed across the lawn. She threw the over night bag through the window before climbing up into the cab of her truck.

"Call me when you're not being such a dick," she yelled at me, slamming the door of the truck with a loud bang.

"Only when you stop being such a bitch," I hollered after her as she took of, flying down the street the fastest I had ever seen her drive. I turned around and went back inside, slamming the front door behind me.

* * *

><p>I killed The Rabbit, pulling the keys out of the ignition and got out of the car. I made my way slowly through the slush of dirty snow toward the little red house that used to be my home. I trudged up the stairs, not bothering to take off my boots before pushing the front door open. Glancing into the den I was not surprised to see Dad parked in front of the TV. He looked up when I came in and flashed me a smile.<p>

"Hey son," he said in his deep gravelly voice. I collapsed onto the small loveseat next to him.

"Hi dad."

I stared at the game on the television while dad talked at me. I say talked at me because I was barely paying attention. It was really crap at home without Bella around. I had tried calling her an hour after she had driven off but I kept getting her voicemail. The next day I had tried again with no success either. I decided to back off and give her some time but I was missing her like crazy.

"Ok, what's wrong with you?" Dad asked, muting the television. I must have looked like shit if dad felt the need to mute a football game. I watched the silenced football players run around on screen for a few moments before answering.

"I had a fight with Bella," I told him, looking away from the screen. Calling it a fight was an understatement. The next door neighbor had come over ten minutes after Bella had bailed to make sure everything was ok. He had been about to call the cops because of all the yelling and door slamming.

"Ah the joys of _marital_ bliss," Dad chuckled, turning his wheelchair around smoothly to face me.

"You're not helping dad," I muttered, turning back to the silent television. Someone scored a touchdown and the crowd started jumping around a cheering. Dad smacked my boot with his hand and I looked up at him.

"So has she been giving you the silent treatment or something? I remember when you were younger; nothing could make you grumpier than if Bella Swan ignored you," Dad asked, his eyes still sparkling with humor. It was bugging the hell out of me.

"Black," I snapped at him.

"What?" Dad shook his head at me, confused.

"Her last name is Black now dad. We got married remember, you were there," I told him sarcastically, sitting up on the tiny sofa. Dad raised his eyebrows at me and for a moment I felt like I was sixteen again and thought he was going to ground me for my cheek.

"Wow she really did a number on you," Dad said seriously, his brows coming together in the exact way mine did when I was thinking something over. My mom had always told me I looked exactly like my dad when he was my age. She had shown me pictures and she was right except for one thing. I had my mother's smile, everyone always told me that and the evidence was in the photos. It felt nice to know I had something from her, even if it was only a smile.

"You have no idea," I snorted, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees, my face in my hands.

"Well go back home and apologize for what ever it is that you did," Dad suggested. I heard the squeak of his wheelchair as he maneuvered it closer to me.

"What makes you think it was my fault?" I asked, raising my face from my hands. Dad looked like he was going to start laughing again.

"It doesn't matter if it was your fault or not Jake. I was married for 22 years before your mother died and if I learnt anything it was if you piss off your wife you get on your knees and grovel regardless of who was to blame," he said with a chuckle, reaching out and patting my fore arm. His hand was calloused and rough on my bare skin from working wood all of his life. Dad had taught me how carve wood when I was little but he was a master at it.

"That'd be hard for you," I joked, tapping his wheelchair with my knuckles. Dad laughed and I felt myself smile along with him.

"So go back home and apologize, it'll work out," Dad said reassuringly. I winced and looked away from him.

"Bella's not at home. She's been staying with Charlie for the past three days," I confessed, glancing back at Dad with a guilty look on my face.

"How is it you've only been married for less than two months and she's already moved out?" he sighed incredulously.

"I dunno, because I'm an idiot probably," I said, putting my head back into my hands.

"What did you fight about anyway?" Dad asked curiously.

"Edward Cullen showed up on our honeymoon and threatened to turn her into a leech," I muttered. The thought of that still flooded my veins with anger.

"And she got mad at you for that?" Dad asked, surprised. I lifted my head and shook it.

"Well no. I didn't tell her the blood sucker had been around and she sort of found out through the grapevine," I admitted. That grapevine being Embry who was now doing double patrols for a week. I felt dad's large hand smack into the back of my head.

"Ow what was that for?" I asked, running my hand over my head even though it didn't hurt. It was still human habit to say 'ow' when someone hit me despite the fact that I didn't feel any pain at all.

"You're an idiot. Why wouldn't you tell her?" Dad berated looking at me like I was insane.

"I know, I know. I was just…stupid I guess," I admitted

"Well go round to Charlie's then. If I were you I'd start off with that 'I'm an idiot' line," Dad advised me seriously but his eyes were laughing again.

"You reckon it's a good idea? Maybe I should give her some more time," I asked, screwing up my face with uncertainty.

"Don't be a chicken and go Jake," Dad huffed, rolling his eyes at me "Seriously she's tiny what is the worst she can do to you?"

I gave him a doubtful look. He had no idea what Bells was like when she was mad. Plus she was angry and pregnant and that made it twice as terrifying. Hormones were most definitely a bitch. Yes she barely made it to my chest when we stood next to each other but still angry Bella was scary.

"Go now," Dad ordered me, pointing toward the front door.

"Fine!" I conceded, pulling myself off the couch. I stomped my way over to the front door waving over shoulder as I went.

"If you two make up then you owe me," Dad said, following me out onto the porch.

"Sure, sure," I agreed, pulling the little silver car keys out of my pocket.

"I meant it; you have to mow my yard for this one," Dad hollered at my retreating back. I was glad I wasn't facing him so he didn't see the smile across my face.

* * *

><p>I parked The Rabbit in Charlie usual spot and glanced through the windows at the familiar white weatherboards. I got out slowly, not bothering to lock the car door. I don't know why I didn't go to the front door, making my way round the side of the house instead. I grabbed a low branch of the tree I used to use every night when I would sneak into Bella's room and pulled my self up effortlessly. Bella's bedroom window was open of course. I slipped in with a small thud.<p>

Bella glanced over her shoulder at me, sitting at her old desk with her ancient computer humming loudly. She arched a brow at me, turning in her chair to face my way.

"You know we have a front door. You could of have knocked on it and I would have let you in," she explained stiffly. I gave her a small smile before sitting down on the bed.

"Guess I felt like being sentimental," I joked softly, gesturing toward the open window. Bella didn't say anything, her eyes wandering over me as if she couldn't believe I was here. I didn't realize how much I had missed her until she was back in my frame of sight and my eyes ran over her features greedily. I mean I knew I had missed her but I didn't realize just how much until right then. My hands ached to touch her but I stayed on the bed.

"I've missed you," I told her and she dropped her gaze, worrying her lower lip.

"Yeah same here," Bella whispered. I decided to take dad's advice and slid off the bed. I grabbed her hand and knelt in front of her. Even though she was sitting on a chair and I was on the floor I was still slightly taller than her.

"Look, I know your still mad but hear me out ok?" I asked her and she nodded. I took a deep breath. Show time.

"All right, I know I should have told you about the le-Edward being about. I know I shouldn't have lied to you and trust me I regret it. And not because you caught me lying but because I deceived you and I shouldn't have and I'm really, really sorry Bells. I was an idiot and I've been going crazy without you. I'm so sorry," I told her seriously, my fingers rubbing soothing circles on her skin.

"Thank you," Bella said softly. She placed her free hand on my shoulder and nibbled on her lower lip again.

"Its ok," I told her, giving into my desire to touch her by running my fingers up her arms and over her shoulders.

"No its not. I shouldn't have blown up at you too Jake. I was just so mad but it was no excuse to start screaming at you like that. I'm sorry Jacob," Bella said with sincerity. I gave her a little smile and she mirrored it.

"You don't have to say that," I said but she shook her head at me.

"Yes I do. I took it too far and I shouldn't have yelled at you," Bella insisted.

"Thanks," I whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth. Bella turned her head and kissed me softly, sweetly. She pulled back after a moment and her hand on my shoulder reached up, playing with my hair at the nape of my neck.

"So what exactly happened with Edward?" she asked me. I had known this would come up and had told myself in the car to be one hundred percent truthful with her. I hoped she wouldn't freak out or be scared. Or worse, be tempted.

"He showed up in California-" I started but Bella cut me off.

"What?" she said in disbelief. I held up a finger. Bella reached up and grabbed my hand, twisting our fingers together and placing them in her lap.

"Let me finish. He showed up at our hotel you know that day you asked me to get some drinks? Well he had been sneaking around Forks and he had picked Charlie's brain so he knew where we were. I ran into him in the lobby," I confessed watching her face closely. Bella was like an open book and I could see the worry in her eyes. But what surprised me was the fury I saw in them too.

"I can't believe he did that!" she exclaimed angrily "He promised me he wouldn't ever butt in on our relationship."

"Well he's a vampire Bells, you can't trust them," I told her as if it wasn't plainly obvious.

"That's not very nice Jake," she scolded me, rolling her eyes.

"I'm just saying," I muttered. Bella snorted a little laugh. Her eyes widened suddenly as if she had just figured something out.

"Let me guess. Those men who were repairing the wall and the floor near the elevators the day we left, that was you two?" she summarized.

"Uh yeah it was," I admitted, trying my best not to look too guilty. The leech had deserved to be thrown around like that though. He didn't just cross a line he bloody well danced over it and I couldn't just let that slide. Bella gave me a disapproving look.

"Don't look at me like that he threatened you!" I exclaimed.

"Edward would never threaten me Jake," Bella sighed.

"He also said he would never butt in on you and me but we both know he didn't keep that promise. And he did threaten you," I pointed out.

"How?" Bella asked her face curious. This was the part I had been dreading. Once upon a time nothing would have made Bella happier than to hear that Cullen wanted to change her. I was certain that if everything was fine in our lives just now, she would never let him change her. I knew she loved me and she knew I would fight tooth and nail to stop her becoming a vampire. I had done it before and I had won. But everything wasn't fine at this moment in time and death was a powerful manipulator.

"He said he could fix you, make the cancer go away by changing you Bells," I told her making sure to keep my voice carefully neutral.

"Really?" Bella asked with incredulity.

"Yeah," I whispered. Bella dropped her face forward so I couldn't see it. She didn't look up at me for a long time and I started to panic. Maybe she wants to change; maybe she sees it as a real option? The thought of that hurt me, the possibility of Bella being anything other than she was now made my heart ache. Bella was silent, her dark hair brushing against our clasped hands.

"Is that something you have I dunno…maybe considered because of the whole, you know…" I trailed off, my voice jumpy and full of nerves.

"Dying from a terminal illness thing?" Bella supplied raising her head to look at me. Her face was soft and calm and she was smiling at me just a little.

"Yeah that," I gulped, squeezing her fingers with mine.

"No Jake," Bella answered, shaking her head gently. I felt my eyebrows shoot up in surprise. I would of thought she would have at least have thought about it, maybe considered it but just hadn't told me.

"Really? Not even once?"

"Would you still want me if I was a vampire Jacob?"

"You know the answer to that," I said with a grimace. Bella kissed me gently and reached around with her free hand, her fingers dancing over my cheekbones.

"Jake I would rather spend only one year with you than become a vampire and have you hate me for all time. That wouldn't be living and I just can't live without you Jacob. So no, becoming a vampire has never once crossed my mind since I found out about the leukemia or since I choose you. That part of my life is well and truly over. I would never do that to you, hurt you like that," Bella told me, honesty ringing in her every word.

"Well that's good to know," I sighed and felt my shoulders relax. I hadn't realized how stressed out I had been about the thought that Bella might still want to change until that pressure was gone. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"You don't have to worry about me leaving you for him either you know. Can't you tell that you're the only one I see?" Bella breathed earnestly against my cheek, kissing it once she stopped talking.

"All I see is you too Bells," I whispered, letting go of her hand and wrapping my arms around her. Her head dropped onto my shoulder and she snuggled into my embrace. She fit in my arms so perfectly, as if they had been made for the sole reason to hold her and protect her.

"Come back home?" I murmured in her ear, kissing her hair.

"I thought you'd never ask."

I ended up mowing dad's lawn when the snow cleared but I didn't care. It was definitely worth it.

* * *

><p>"Bella let me in. I'm sure it's not that bad," I pleaded, banging my fist on the bathroom door.<p>

"It's horrible. Go away!" Bella wailed through the door. I sighed and lent my forehead on the door. Even though Bella had stopped treatment the inevitable had finally happened. I had woken up this morning to long locks of Bella's hair strewn on the pillow and Bella locked in the bathroom refusing to come out. I didn't know if this was just a reaction to finally losing her hair or the fact that her hormones had to be going nuts with the pregnancy but I was at my wits end about what to do.

"Bella I don't care if you have lost your hair," I told her reassuringly.

"Yes you do! How could you find me attractive when I'm bald? And soon I'm going to be huge and fat. Huge and fat and bald!" Bella sounded hysterical. This was getting ridiculous. I knew it would be hard for her to loose her hair but it just did not matter to me if she was bald. I could look past that.

"Being pregnant is not fat," I told her but Bella just sniffled. It was time to pull out the big guns.

"Bella are you listening to me?" I said loudly to the door.

"Yeah," she hiccupped.

"If you don't open this door in five seconds I'm going to kick it down," I threatened. I heard Bella's breath catch in surprise.

"What?" she gasped.

"One," I said nice and loud so I was sure that she could hear me.

"You wouldn't," Bella's voice squeaked from the other side.

"Two."

"Oh come on Jake," she pleaded, her heart rate picking up. I didn't let her deter me.

"I'm serious Bells. Three!" I warned her, stepping back in preparation.

"Jacob don't you dare!" Bella yelled through the door. I had to bite my tongue to hold back the laughter that wanted to spill out of my mouth. I managed to swallow it down so I could keep counting.

"Four!"

"All right! I'm opening it, but don't you dare laugh at me," Bella yelled and I heard her scrambling to unlock the door handle.

"Bella I would never laugh at you," I told her as the lock clicked open. It hurt me a little that she thought I would make fun of her. Bella's face appeared in the small space she had made between the door and the doorframe.

"I know you wouldn't Jake. It's just really bad," she told me.

She opened the door slowly and let me in. I kept the door open and glanced down at her. She had a towel wrapped around her head and wasn't looking at me. I reached over and slowly undid the fluffy blue towel. She didn't stop me but she grimaced as it fell away completely. Bella had only a few clumps of hair left at the base of her neck but it was so thin it didn't look like they would be sticking around long.

"Its hideous. I look like an alien," she muttered, big tears spilling out and running down her face. I caught them with my thumbs and forced her to look up at me. I lent down and kissed the top of her now hairless head.

"Bella you are beautiful to me. Hair or no hair, fat or thin, it doesn't matter to me," I assured her gently, smiling at her.

"You don't understand though," Bella mumbled.

"Hey I have plenty experience with being different. I'm a werewolf remember?" I joked trying to make her smile. It didn't work.

"I know but its not the same. Before people didn't know I was sick but now they will just have to take one look at me and they will know. It's like a walking billboard that says 'Look at me I have cancer'," she said sadly. I had known this day would come but Bella had been so strong through out this whole illness, so sure of her self and me that I wasn't prepared for this kind of a reaction.

"Ok fine," I said slowly, pulling out of her arms. She looked up at me confused but I turned away from her and opened up the vanity drawers, grabbing the black handled scissors. I needed a hair cut anyway. Bella's mouth fell open when she realized what I was going to do.

"Jake don't!" she gasped. I ignored her and started hacking at my hair with the scissors cutting it as close to my skull as possible. Bella stared open mouthed as I quickly snipped as much of my hair off as I could. When I had got as much off as possible I ran my fingers over my skull brushing off the excess hair. It wasn't exactly even but it was almost like a buzz cut. I turned around to face her.

"Now we can be billboards together," I told her with a shrug. Bella's mouth was still wide open and she seemed to suddenly become aware of the fact, snapping it shut quickly. She looked as if she was debating something within herself for a moment before turning her back on me.

"Will you cut off the rest of mine?" she whispered. I stepped up behind her, kissing the top of her head again. Carefully I scooped up the last few remaining clumps of hair and snipped them off as close to the skin as I could.

"All done," I told her and she turned around to face me. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her body into mine. I could feel the beginnings of a small hard bump pressing into me and Bella laid her head against my chest. I ran my fingers over her head and tracing her neck over and over. Her arms around my waist tightened. Slowly we began to rock together in time with our breathing. I don't know how long we stayed like that. It could have been minutes or days but it didn't matter one bit. I could have stayed like that for the rest of my life. We only broke apart when we heard a banging on the front door.

I heard the front door swing open and several voices float through the house. Bella pulled back and with a nervous look ran a small hand over her head. I pulled the hand away and kissed it.

"Come on," I whispered gently, pulling her arm and she let me lead her through into the den. Paul and Jared were sprawled on our couch and had turned the television on. Embry was raiding the fridge and Quil was chugging apple juice out of the bottle.

"What makes you guys think you can just waltz into my house like you own it?" I asked them and they all jumped guiltily. When Quil looked up at me his eyes went wide and he sprayed apple juice all over the kitchen work bench. No one said a thing as their eyes darted back and forth between my shaved head and Bella's.

"You're gonna clean that up right?" I asked Quil causally, fighting to keep the smile off my face. It was so hard to not start laughing at them. Bella's arm went round my waist and I draped a long arm over her shoulders. Paul got up off the sofa and walked over. He looked from Bells to me, his whole body relaxed and at ease.

"Bella you look really good today," he said honestly and gave her a rare smile. I grinned at Paul and felt unbelievably grateful to him for complimenting her. Paul was no stranger to controversy and I was glad he was trying his hardest to make Bella more comfortable.

"Thanks Paul," Bella said smiling back at him. It broke the ice and the other three came up. Quil still had the apple juice in his hand.

"Do you mind if I…" Embry trailed off holding up a hand. Bella shook her head and Embry gently touched her skull. She blushed a bright red but the smile stayed on her face.

"I think its pretty cool Bella," Embry told her letting his hand drop to his side "Lots of models have bald heads you know. I bet you start a trend."

"So did you cut yours off to match?" Jared questioned me. I nodded at him and glanced down at Bella. Her cheeks were still red but she was laughing at what Embry had said. She glanced up at me and I kissed the top of her head again gently. Suddenly Quil started shaking with laughter. He was bent over double and was pointing at me.

"You have no hair!" he gasped, laughing so hard that tears leaked down his face.

"So what?" I asked defensively.

"You remember when you let your hair grow long? And then your wolf coat was super long too. Well now you have no hair!" Quil explained practically screaming with laughter. I shook my head in confusion before it dawned on me what he had just said. I had no hair. Paul caught on before I could defend myself.

"Oh my god you're going to be buck naked when you phase!" Paul crowed. He grabbed a hold of Quil and they were both shaking so hard with laughter it looked like they were going to phase. It took about two seconds before Embry and Jared had joined in as well. I looked down at Bella for support. She had a hand over her mouth and I could just make out the sound of her giggling like mad over the guy's laughter.

"You guys all suck!" I hollered over the noise but all it did was make them laugh at me even more.

(For the record I wasn't completely naked when I phased later that night. But I did look like one of those dogs that had been clipped way too short so that you could see their skin through their fur. The pack never let me live it down. They even gave me a new nickname: Naked Jacob.)

* * *

><p>We sat in the small dark room and I fought the urge to fidget. Bella was lying on the hospital bed and her shirt was pulled up to reveal the some what large bump that had seemed to appear almost over night.<p>

A door at the far side of the room opened and I was a little blinded by the bright light that flooded in. A woman with long blonde hair and wearing a white coat came over to us; Bella's all too familiar chart in her hand.

"Good morning Bella, my name is Pandora," she said sitting down on a little stool next to Bella's bed and opposite me.

"Hi, this is my husband Jacob," Bella said quietly, pointing to me.

"Nice to meet you Jacob. Now this is your first child correct?" she asked, studying Bella's chart.

"It is," I told her and she looked up at Bella.

"And I understand you've been undergoing chemotherapy for leukemia. So today we are going to just check and make sure everything is going well. How far along are you?" she asked soothingly. I felt a prickle of worry at the thought that something could be wrong with the baby. Dr Tikvah had said that Bella had not received chemo since falling pregnant as her last dose was two weeks before our wedding but I guess there was still a chance that something could have gone wrong.

"Um I'm about twenty weeks I think. Right Jake?" Bella asked looking at me and I could see the worry in her eyes. I shuffled my chair closer to Bella and she reached out to take my hand. Bella played with the white head scarf that was wrapped around her head.

"Yeah that sounds about right," I said looking at the technician hoping it was right. Because I really did not have a freaking clue. Pandora smiled at me knowingly. She picked up a bottle of blue jelly that looked like the stuff you rub on your skin when you were sun burnt and squirted it on Bella's tummy.

"Oh that's cold," Bella's gasped and the attendant smiled.

"Sorry I should have warned you," she said and picked up the ultrasound sensor. We watched as Pandora fiddled with what looked like a big television set to me.

"All right are you ready to take a look at your baby?" she asked, still watching the screen. Bella nodded and I quickly copied her. Pandora turned the screen around a bit so we could see it better before sliding the ultrasound sensor over Bella rounded belly.

The first few images were grainy and hard to make out. Pandora slid the sensor over Bella's tummy expertly and gave a small sound of satisfaction when the picture changed on the television. At first I wasn't sure what I was seeing. Slowly I took in the round shape of a head, the line of a jaw and even a little bump of a nose. The image jumped a little and two perfect lips opened and closed like the baby was yawning. Suddenly with shocking clarity I realized what I was seeing. I was staring at my child's profile. I heard people talk about certain times in their lives where they were just stunned into silence, unable to move or even think. That's what I felt like now. All that was running through my mind as I stared at the fuzzy screen was that that was our baby. Our baby. Bella gasped and the image changed, a tiny hand jerking across the screen.

"Bella the baby is waving at me," I mumbled my voice sounding strangely far off. Bella laughed and her hand ran up my forearm.

"That's what it looks like. He always starts kicking when you speak to me Jake. I think he likes your voice," Bella whispered. I looked down at her and she was wiping a little tear away from the corner of her eye. Pandora swiveled the scanner over Bella's tummy again and the profile disappeared.

"There's the baby's feet," Pandora told us her finger tracing over the image of two little feet on the screen. I could even count the toes. Knowing Bella was pregnant was one thing but seeing that black and white image was certainly another. The reality of the situation came crashing down and I was unimaginably grateful that Bella had stood firm on keeping our child.

"And if we go this way, see that fluttering? That's your baby's heart," Pandora said gently smiling at us. Bella's hand tightened in mine and I squeezed back. I watched the fluttering of the tiny heart and listened hard. The small thrumming inside Bella matched the fluttering perfectly.

"Holy shit," I muttered, dumbfounded. Bella laughed and Pandora grinned at me.

"Would you believe me if I said I heard that at least five times a week from prospective fathers?" Pandora asked me. I just nodded my head mutely my eyes glued to the screen. I was in a state of shock, absolutely floored by the images on the screen. My dad had always said to me that I would understand the unconditional love a parent had for a child one day, and he was right. I did understand it now. That baby was ours and I would do absolutely anything to protect it. Bella had owned my heart for almost my whole life but now that little black and white image of a baby had wormed its way in too. Our baby.

"That's our baby," Bella whispered at the screen, mirroring my thoughts. I looked up at her and she smiled at me. I lent down and kissed her gently.

"So far everything looks good with no obvious abnormalities. You were right about being at twenty weeks," Pandora said, winking at me. I breathed out a nervous laugh.

"So he hasn't been affected by the chemo at all?" Bella asked apprehensively.

"From what I can see here, no. Of course there is a risk seeing as you were receiving chemo only a few weeks before conception so I'm going to order you another scan for four weeks from now," the attendant explained, her attention on the screen. Bella and I both breathed a sigh of relief at the same time and Bella let loose a small giggle.

"Now you mentioned before you think it's a boy. Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" Pandora asked us, turning away from the screen. I looked down at Bella and shrugged. I didn't really care if it was a boy or not. My only worry was that if it was a boy then it would carry the werewolf gene. Because I was Alpha, any male children I had were all but guaranteed to have the gene and consequently phase when they came of age.

"Sure, sure," Bella said, rising up on her elbows to have a closer look at the screen. Pandora had to move the sensor around a fair bit and it took almost five minutes to finally get the angle she was looking for.

"Ok here we go. Sorry to disappoint but it looks like you are having a girl," Pandora told us softly. I couldn't tell exactly what was happening on the screen but I felt a rush of warmth at the attendant's words. A girl. A daughter. I was going to have a daughter. I glanced down at Bella and she was smiling.

"You're not upset it's a girl?" I asked her. I knew she had been hoping for a boy. She shook her head.

"She's beautiful," Bella said in awe gazing at the screen. I looked back up and saw that the baby's profile was on the screen again. My daughter's profile.

"Of course she's beautiful she's got your genes," I teased Bella.

"Hey I reckon yours won't hurt either," Bella told me, a watery smile on her face. I knew she meant that she didn't care if our baby had the werewolf gene and I felt a rush of love toward Bella and her unfailing acceptance of me.

The appointment continued for another thirty minutes while Pandora measured the child and did a lot of other complicated looking things with her big television. When we left she gave us a tape of the ultra sound and some shiny pictures to keep. Bella framed the one of the baby waving and hung it above our bed.

* * *

><p>Bella's body glowed in the low light from the single candle burning on my bedside table. Her head scarf was on the floor and her naked limbs tangled with mine. I ran my fingers down her bare back and kissed her temple. Bella's bump pressed into my side and she looked up at me from my shoulder with large brown eyes.<p>

"What about Tiffany?" she suggested.

"I hate that name. There was a girl in my class called Tiffany and she used to push me around," I told her with a grimace. The room lit up a bright white for a moment and seconds later a low grumbling of thunder filled the room.

"You let a girl beat you up?" Bella giggled, her eyebrows raised.

"Hey I was six and she was huge ok. Besides my dad taught me to never hit a girl thank you very much," I huffed haughtily. The rain was coming down hard and thick now and I could hear it pattering loudly against the roof.

"Ok fine what do you like?" Bella asked, walking a pair of fingers across my chest.

"I dunno. Jessica?" I offered.

"No way," Bella scoffed.

"Why not?" I asked, pretending to be hurt at the way she just tossed my suggestion aside. Bella wasn't fooled and smiled at me.

"Don't you remember Jessica Stanley? She was like a complete bitch to me in my last year of school," Bella explained.

"I don't think I ever met her," I said slowly trying to think, which was quite hard post-coital.

"Yes you did, she was at the beach party when you told me all of the tribe's scary stories," Bella told me. I tried to think back to when I had met Bella at that party. All I could remember was the way Bella had lent into me and fluttered her eye lashes. I tried harder and vaguely remembered a brown haired girl who had tossed snide remarks over the bonfire.

"Oh yeah. You're right she was a bitch," I agreed as another crackle of thunder sounded.

"Told you," Bella said with a grin. The candle flickered just then, making inky shadows dance across her body.

"Hmmm….maybe Christine?" I suggested.

"Nope. What about Natasha?"

"I had a pet mouse call Natasha once," I told her laughing at the memory of scaring the crap out of my mother by hiding Natasha in her sock drawer. I had gotten grounded for a month for that one.

"Who calls a mouse Natasha?" Bella asked me, her face screwed up with laughter.

"Well Rachel named it and I had to just roll with it you know," I told her seriously.

"Uh huh," Bella hummed disbelievingly.

"It's true! Hey you know what I like? Hope," I said, sliding down the bed so we were face to face. Bella draped a leg over my hip and thought it over.

"Hope is nice. I was about to suggest something but I dunno how you will feel about it," Bella said, her eyes a little fearful.

"What?" I asked her, kissing her nose softly.

"Well I thought we could use your mother's name," Bella said apprehensively.

"Sarah?" I asked. I hadn't though of using my mother's name for our daughter but I liked the idea of it. I reached out and placed my hand over Bella's hard bump, my fingers running gently over it.

"Yeah I like Sarah. I like Hope too. What about Sarah Hope Black?" Bella suggested gently. She looked up at me and I stopped brushing my finger tips along her skin. Some how when she said it aloud like that it felt right. I smiled at Bella and kissed her forehead.

"Sarah Hope Black. I like it," I whispered against her forehead.

"Really?" Bella asked pulling herself closer to me. I held her snug against my chest. It was a cold night but a light sheen of sweat coated Bella's body. I had kept my promise to keep her warm and the winter air couldn't touch us here in our bedroom.

"Yeah I do," I told her honestly.

"Ok so we have a name," Bella concluded with a little smile.

"Now we just need a shit load of crap like diapers and a crib and a pram," I mumbled.

"We will figure it out," Bella promised.

"Hey do you think she will like cars? I could teach her how to fix up an engine," I asked, excited about the idea. A little fantasy played out in my head in which a little girl who one second looked like Bella and the next second looked like me ran around our garage. I would show her all the tools and exactly how to use them.

"Maybe. I think she will be a reader like me. I'll have to make sure she gets all of my books as she gets older," Bella said with a far away look in her eyes.

"I could get her car books," I offered and Bella laughed.

"I'll definitely show her my cook books so she can feed you when she gets older," Bella teased, poking my tummy. We both left out the fact that more likely than not _I_ would be the one who would teach our daughter things as she got older. I kissed Bella gently and she moaned against my lips. I pulled back and she smiled lazily at me.

Bella pulled herself up and lent over my body, blowing out the candle. She lay back down next to me and I wrapped my other arm around her. I felt myself being lulled into sleep, too tired to worry about money, changing tables and the idea of raising a daughter alone just now. I was almost under when I remembered something.

"Hey Bells?" I whispered keeping my eyes closed.

"Yeah?" she said groggily.

"Did you mean what you said at the ultrasound the other week?" I asked her quietly, listening to another deep rumble of thunder off in the distance.

"What thing?" Bella sighed, sounding like she was mostly asleep.

"About how she starts kicking when ever I talk?" I mumbled.

"Yes Jacob." Bella whispered and I could feel her smile against my chest.

* * *

><p>"I'm going crazy having to stay in bed like this," Bella complained but I wasn't having any of it.<p>

"Hey blame Dr. Tikvah not me. She is the one who ordered you onto bed rest" I told her, placing the breakfast tray over Bella's lap. Bella pushed the scrambled eggs around her plate moodily. I stood up and shrugged into my work shirt. Bella was glaring at the food in front of her.

"Bells you have to eat honey," I told her gently, not bothering with doing up the buttons of my shirt for now.

"I know but it just makes me feel so sick," Bella sighed. I waited patiently while she scooped up a forkful of scrambled eggs and popped them into her mouth. She chewed slowly but her face made it look like she was eating dirt. I grabbed the glass of orange juice that was in danger of sliding off the tray and placed it on Bella's bedside table. There were about ten big bouquets of flowers around the room from Emily and Renee but most of them had Charlie's hand writing scribbled across the card. A few were even from Bella's students. It made our bedroom smell like a florist.

Three weeks ago Bella had passed out at work and had been rushed to the hospital. She had complained of break through bleeding and stomach cramping to a co worker but had fainted before the ambulance had arrived. I had started strapping my phone to my leg when I phased and rushed to the hospital from patrol only just remembering to pull my shorts on before I burst through the doors demanding to see Bella. The nurses seemed wary of a seven foot tall, mostly naked Native American guy screaming at them so I had been forced to sit in the waiting room for almost two hours before they would let me see her.

Dr. Tikvah had been there that day seeing another patient and had popped by. She was not an OB/GYN but she was Bella's regular doctor and so she had been the one to sit down and tell us what was going on. She had said that Bella's body was just too weak from the fighting the cancer whilst trying to care for the growing baby at the same time. Dr. Tikvah had explained she was surprised Bella had gotten to thirty weeks before any serious problems like this had arisen. Basically we were told Bella could miscarry if she didn't stay on bed rest. Pandora had come up to Bella's room and done an ultrasound and luckily there seemed to be no damage to the baby.

I was crushed that this had happened. Bella had been doing so well and Dr. Tikvah had even been suggesting that she go back on a low dose of chemotherapy now that she was so far along, but of course that was out the window now.

"I reckon I could go to work. I could get a swivel chair and teach from that," Bella told me, ignoring her eggs.

"Bella if you keep trying to move around you could miscarry. Do you want that?" I asked her not bothering to be gentle. She had to understand the seriousness of this.

"I know that Jake. I'm not a child. I just hate being cooped up like this," Bella mumbled, waving her hand around our room. I had brought the television through for her and a huge stack of books from her personal library but I could see where she was coming from. I knelt on the bed and kissed her gently.

"I know Bella. I know you hate it but you only have a little while to go and then you can deliver," I told her. I didn't mention that she also only had a little while until she reached the end of her time that the doctors had given her. The double meaning of my words hung in the air and Bella kissed me again, desperately this time. I kissed her back, trying to pull as much of her sweet strawberry taste into me. I pulled back and we were both short of breath. I swallowed the hot lump in my throat.

"Don't go in today. Please I just…I need you here Jake. Please," Bella begged me, her fingers running through my hair. It had grown back quite fast because of my werewolf genes. I had offered to cut it off for Bella but she had said no. She had told me she had missed the feel of it when it brushed against her skin so I had kept it for her.

"I only have two more days to go and then I have almost six months worth of paid leave saved up," I told her gently. Bella pouted at me, her fingers in my hair. It was hard to resist her when she was like this. All of my instincts were screaming at me to stay with her and hold her but I knew I couldn't.

"Emily is going to be round before I leave to keep you company. And Renee said she was going to come over this afternoon," I told her, untangling her hands from around my neck. Bella sighed and went back to pushing her food around her plate. I kissed her forehead.

"I know you are sick of this but in two days I will be home all the time. The guys have offered to take over my patrols for me as much as possible but I'm thinking of cutting everyone down. I haven't seen Cullen since he showed up at the hotel," I soothed her, kissing her forehead again once I had stopped talking. Bella leaned into my touch.

"Ok fine. But when you are off work then you have to spend the next week in bed with me," Bella said with a little grin. I smiled back.

"You make that sound like a bad thing," I teased, smoothing out a wrinkle in her red head scarf. I heard a knock on the door and stood up quickly. Bella reached out, grabbing my hand and held on for as long as she could as I stepped away from the bed, our fingers desperately trying to cling to each other.

I could see Emily through the screen door, a big pot of something in one hand and Terry tucked into her side in the other. The pot smelt delicious but I knew that Bella most likely wouldn't eat what ever was in it. She had a hard time keeping anything down. Dr Tikvah had been talking about setting up and IV drip in our bedroom so that Bella's body would get the nutrients it needed. I hoped it wouldn't come to that but it was starting to look like that was going to be our only option soon.

"Hey," I said to Emily as I pushed the screen door open. Terry waved at me as Emily walked past. I grabbed him out of her arms as Emily sat the pot on the small round table. Terry was three and a half now and running all over the place every time I went over to Sam's. Sam had told me that three year olds were a flat out nightmare. He said that every time he turned around Terry was into something he shouldn't be, eating something gross off the floor or destroying anything he could get his hands on by throwing out the window to see 'if it could fly like a pretty birdie'. Most recently the flying experiment had been used on Sam's brand new cell phone, which had been smashed to pieces when it clattered onto the wooden porch outside the window.

"How is she today?" Emily asked me setting down the large black bag that she had slung over her shoulder. I assumed it was full of Terry's stuff. Emily had taken me on a completely terrifying visit to the mall in Port Angeles last week to stock up on baby things. Emily and I had gotten pretty much all of the essentials but I had had to endure almost seven hours of 'Jacob isn't this outfit so cute!' and 'Look this matches the comforter set and the changing station!'. We had also managed to find a crib which had been frustrating as all hell for me and Charlie to construct in the spare bedroom. Dad hadn't helped at all by relaying the instructions. He kept telling us to put the wrong bits together and everyone had ended up yelling at each other. Bella had had to come through to break it up.

"She's ok. Still not eating too well but I'm hoping that just because it's so early. She always seems worse in the mornings," I told her. Emily nodded and pulled Terry out of my arms. Well tried to anyway; Terry clung onto my arm as if it would save his life.

"Come on Terry, Uncle Jake has to go to work now," Emily said.

"No! Uncle Jake should stay and play," Terry cried.

"Its ok. I've got to say goodbye to Bella anyway," I said, shifting Terry to a more comfortable place in my arms. I don't know what I had done to make this kid love me so much but when ever I was around he made a beeline for me. The only exception was when Claire was there too.

"Ok I'm just going to set up his play pen so yell if you need me," Emily told me and I turned away from her making my way up the hallway with Terry. Bella looked up when I came in and smiled at us.

"Well you boys are certainly handsome together," Bella laughed. Terry copied her, laughing as well but my eyes narrowed when I caught sight of Bella's basically full plate shoved onto the bedside table. Bella caught the look but pretended not to. I sat down on the bed and Bella reached out ruffling Terry's black hair.

"I was just coming through to say good bye before I left," I told her. Terry had twisted out of my arms and was running his little hands over Bella's rounded belly.

"Auntie Bells why is you're tummy so big?" he asked seriously, still rubbing her belly. Bella smiled at him. Terry lifted up his shirt and compared his tummy with Bella's, touching hers and then his own. I chuckled at him.

"Because I'm going to have a baby," she told him, pulling down his little shirt, hiding his tummy.

"Is that why you don't have any hair as well? Daddy said it went away," Terry asked with childish innocence. Bella met my eyes over his head with a worried look.

"No Terry. Bella is sick that's why she lost her hair," I told him, pulling him back onto my lap. Terry seemed to think that over for a second.

"But now you get to wear a scarf like a pirate! Pirate Auntie Bells!" he squealed and Bella laughed with him. Emily came into the room just then and sat down on the other side of the bed.

"Come on Terry we have to let Uncle Jake go to work now but I'm sure he will play with you when he gets back."

"Mommy did you know Auntie Bells is a pirate?" Terry told her, crawling off my lap and over the bed toward her. Emily looked at us in confusion. Bella tapped her head scarf and Emily smiled in understanding. I stood up and lent over the bed kissing Bella's mouth softly. Her cool fingers tugged on my work shirt and I looked down realizing I still hadn't done up the buttons.

"I'll be back at five," I promised her, buttoning up the shirt swiftly.

"I'll miss you," Bella sighed.

"Me too Bells."

* * *

><p>"That's mine!" Seth hollered, lunging at Jared who had stolen his hotdog. They both fell to the ground in a scuffle. I couldn't figure why those two always stole food off each other but at every pack gathering there was at least one argument between them over food.<p>

"Ok, ok break it up you hooligans," Billy yelled at them, poking them both with the stick he had been using to spear his hot dogs on. Seth scrambled away from Jared with half of his hotdog. The other half was in Jared's mouth. Bella laughed next to me from the big chair that we had pulled out of Emily's house for her to sit on. We were having a huge bonfire to celebrate Sam's birthday and everyone was here. All of the council members were strewn about with the pack and even Charlie had shown up. Renee was going to come too but Phil's mother had gotten sick and she had had to fly back to Jacksonville at the last moment. The only other member missing was Leah.

"Ok I reckon we should hear from the birthday boy," Emily yelled over the noise and Terry clapped loudly in her lap. Everyone voiced out in agreement and Sam stood up with a beer in hand. Since he had stopped phasing he was basically human. It still took quite a bit but if he pushed it Sam could get absolutely wasted. I was a little jealous, I'll admit.

"Thanks for coming guys," Sam started and everyone cheered and clapped. Paul threw an empty beer can over the fire and it smacked into Sam's arm. Sam glared at Paul but everyone else just laughed. I reached out into Bella's blankets absentmindedly, my hand resting on the huge bump protruding from her stomach. I smiled when I felt a little kick under my hand. Bella's hand wrapped around mine.

"You guys have been awesome, sticking with me through some really hard times," Sam said, not going into details as Charlie was still out of the loop on the whole 'we are a giant pack of werewolves that protect you pale faces from vampires' side of our lives.

"My dad skipped out when I was like seven and since my mom passed I had felt really alone. But you lot have really become like a family to me. So thanks," Sam continued.

"Are you gonna go all chick flick on us and start crying?" Embry asked loudly. I snorted with laughter, some of the beer I had just swallowed foaming in my nose. I coughed and spluttered and Bella reached out patting my back.

"Shut up Embry," Sam scowled but it did no use. Everyone was laughing now. Claire was giggling as well although I don't think she understood what was going on. She was sitting next to Quil drinking out of a hot pink Hannah Montana cup. Terry kept wriggling in Emily's grasp and I knew if she let him go he would run right up to her. Claire was going through a 'boys are gross and I hate them all' stage so it was probably best that Terry stayed away.

Kim had brought out a cake and everyone started singing a very off key version of Happy Birthday. Seth, Brady and Collin sung the rude version of the song and Quil yelled at them when Claire stared asking questions. Kim was cutting up the cake and Paul handed me two plates. I gave one to Bella but she shook her head. Bella had been eating better since Dr. Tikvah had basically threatened her with an at home IV last month but I still thought she should eat more. The weight she had gained before falling pregnant had fallen away and her cheekbones were sharp again. I didn't bother with the plastic fork and took a huge bite of the chocolate cake.

"You should have some Bells. It's full of chocolately goodness," I told her with my mouth full. Charlie and Billy, who had cracked open the beers a good four hours before the party had started overheard me. They both started laughing and singing the words "It's full of chocolately goodness" over and over. Bella rolled her eyes at them but took a small nibble of the cake.

Emily put Terry to bed not long after that and very soon after Terry had been put down Claire started nodding off next to Quil. Quil scooped her up and took her inside Sam and Emily's house to the spare bedroom I guessed. Brady had brought a CD player and Embry got up and pretended to do a rain dance around the bonfire. Dad started yelling at him for being disrespectful.

Bella was laughing with me as we watched dad try to navigate his way over the bumpy ground to hit Embry with his hot dog stick when I felt the huge muscle spasm under my hand from Bella's belly. Bella gasped, clutching her stomach. I jumped up, dropping my beer on the floor.

"What is it are you ok?" I asked her, pulling back the blankets. Bella didn't answer me she just let out a strangled moan. The CD player shut off then.

"Jake, something is wrong!" she wailed, her knuckles white as she gripped her belly. Emily rushed over, placing her hand on Bella's pregnant stomach. The whole party had gone dead silent, the only noises were coming from Bella and all of them sounded painful.

"I think she's in labor," Emily said in a hushed voice. Dread flooded through my system. Bella looked up at me with panic in her eyes. I had never really thought about Bella giving birth before and now it felt way too real and way too fast. We had been told that a c-section would be best for Bella because the doctors didn't think she had the strength to deliver naturally but we were not supposed to go in to get Bella induced for another two weeks.

"No I cant be! It's too early!" she gasped reaching out and clutching my hand. I reached into my pocket with the other and tossed my keys over the fire at Embry.

"Go and get the car now!" I yelled at him and he scrambled off into the darkness.

"Jake I think we should call an ambulance," Sam said appearing next to me. Bella let out another cry of pain and I was hit with the sudden rich, dark smell of blood. Emily gasped and I looked down. The front of Bella's pants were stained a deep red and that stain was growing at a rapid rate.

"No way, it will take too long!" I told him, kneeling down next to Bella. The pack members had scattered, moving things out of the way, calling the hospital to let them know we were coming. Bella's face was deathly white and she gripped my hand with bruising force.

"Put your arms round my neck I'm going to carry you to the car Bells," I told her trying to keep the panic out of my voice. Bella reached out to me, her skinny arms wrapping around my neck. I slid my hands under body, trying my best to ignore the warm wetness. I stood up as smoothly as I could trying not to jostle Bella but she cried out anyway.

"Jake it hurts," she moaned. I saw headlights flash and realized that Embry had driven the car round the back of Sam and Emily's house. I strode toward it as fast as I could without hurting Bella further.

"I know honey, I know. We are almost there," I told her, my voice cracking as we made it to the car. Charlie dashed in front of me, pulling the door open. I knelt down and gently placed Bella in the backseat. She bit her lip in an effort to keep the pain inside but I could see it on her face and hear it in her throat. I sprinted around the car, ripping the other door open and sliding in next to her. Sam appeared at the window.

"Charlie has given me the keys to his cruiser so I'm gonna go first with the lights on," he told me. I couldn't speak so I only nodded at him. Bella was leaning into my chest, clutching onto my shirt. She was shaking and I wrapped my arms around her.

"Its ok, were ok. The baby will be fine, you will be fine. It's all right," I told her and Embry threw the car into reverse and floored it. Sam pulled out in front of us in Charlie's cruiser the lights flashing brightly in the darkness.

"What if she is not fine?" Bella moaned, clutching her stomach as we sped down the main road out of La Push and towards Forks. I kissed Bella's forehead, refusing to think of the possibility that tonight could end horribly. I wouldn't let that happen.

"She will be fine. You'll see. I bet she looks like you," I told her trying desperately to distract her. Bella didn't reply and I felt another contraction ripple through her body, forcing another pained moan from her lips.

"Embry cant you drive any fucking faster?" I yelled and was suddenly hit with _déjà vu_. This was almost exactly the same thing that had happened went Emily went into labor except for one thing. Emily hadn't been bleeding out when it had happened. The back seat of The Rabbit was slick with Bella's blood. The smell of it filled the tiny car and made my head spin.

"I've got my foot to the floor," Embry ground out, following Sam through a red light. Bella's hand went limp in mind and I looked down. She had her eyes closed and her head was lolling with the movement of the car.

"Bella?" I said, tracing her face, leaving little bloodstains on her cheek. She had passed out cold. The fifteen minute drive to the hospital seemed to take hours, days. I kept whispering in Bella's ear hoping she would hear me. I promised her over and over again that everything would be all right and not to be scared because I was here and I would protect her. I whipped my head around as the car fishtailed into the hospital's emergency bay. Charlie's cruiser was there and the front doors were open, lights still flashing. I pushed the door open, racing around with above human speed to the other side of the car. I pulled Bella into my arms as Sam came out of the sliding doors with a group of doctors and a gurney. Embry appeared at my side then slamming the door shut. Charlie rushed over to us.

"Why isn't she awake?" he asked me, panic saturating his voice.

"She passed out in the car," I said but I was addressing the doctors in front of me. They helped me get Bella onto the gurney. One doctor started asking me questions but I brushed her off following the others who were pushing Bella inside. They were shouting about needing an operating room.

I followed them down the white hallway, Embry at my side. They stopped before a set of swinging white doors that had "Authorized Personnel Only" stamped across it in thick black writing. One of the doctors came over to me but I ignored him going straight for Bella, holding her limp hand.

"Sir we have to take your wife into surgery right away," the doctor told me but I wasn't listening. All I could see was how pale Bella's skin was and how bright the red blood that stained the sheets looked. Her heart was hammering and so was the baby's.

"Sir you need to sign the consent for an emergency c-section surgery. If you don't do it your wife will die," The doctor told me and I finally woke up to him. I looked at him and he was holding out a little clip board covered in fine printed paper.

"What?" I whispered. Bella couldn't die yet; she still had a few weeks left on the clock. The doctor rested his hand on my forearm and spoke slowly to me.

"Sir your baby is showing some major signs of distress. We need to get the child out now or both the baby and your wife will die," he told me, shoving a pen into my hand. I gazed at it and found the long line I was supposed to sign on. I quickly scribbled my name, noticing the blotches of blood my fingertips left on the paper.

"You have a few moments if you want to talk to her," the doctor said taking back the clipboard. One of the other doctors was talking into a phone on the wall telling someone to clear an operating room. I picked up Bella's tiny hand again and dropped down onto my knees next to her head. She still had her eyes closed. I kissed her lips, relived to find them still warm.

"Don't you give up on me," I told her, kissing her cheek "You keep your heart beating for me Bella." I swallowed hard, kissing her mouth again before the doctors told me to move back. I stumbled onto my feet and tried to follow them as they pushed Bella through the white swinging doors.

"Sir you can't go in there just now," the female doctor who had been asking me questions before told me. _Like hell I couldn't_, I thought pushing past her. I wasn't leaving Bella's side. I felt Embry's arms wrap around my waist, pulling me back.

"Jake you have to let the doctor's do their jobs now ok. They are going to look after Bella," he told me, pulling me away from the swinging white doors. Every now and then I could catch a glimpse of the team of doctors running down the hallway with Bella on the gurney.

"Embry she needs me," I told him, fighting to get out of his grip. Embry gripped on tighter refusing to let me go.

"Sir I know you are worried but you need to let us fix her. We will let you know if anything happens the second it happens. But if you go in there you will make it harder for us to help your wife," the female doctor told me. I felt my shoulders slump in defeat. Embry didn't let go of me. Numbly I let the doctor lead me into a little room with a few chairs scattered about.

"We will call down with updates on your wife regularly ok?" she told me soothingly and I collapsed into one of the chairs. My whole body was shaking. All I could see was Bella's panicked face and all I could hear was her cries of pain. I felt my eyes heat up and tears spill down my cheeks. Embry was sitting next to me but the female doctor was gone. He had his cell phone out and I could hear him speaking to someone, but I couldn't follow the conversation.

"They have taken her into surgery. I don't know, it doesn't look good..." I tuned Embry's voice out. I couldn't stand to listen to it. I kept staring at the blood on my hands fighting the urge to throw up. Bella had to be ok. I wasn't ready for this just yet. I couldn't loose her yet, I wouldn't survive it. I needed her, she was my soul mate. How could I go on without my soul mate?

The door to the private waiting room burst open and Charlie came in followed swiftly by Sam. Embry told them what was going on but I barely heard him. I felt Sam's hand on my back, patting it reassuringly and I realized then I was still crying. I wiped away the tears furiously. I don't know how long we waited in that tiny room. Charlie got up and started pacing nervously; glancing at the door every time he walked past it. I couldn't look up from my blood stained hands.

The door finally opened and I was surprised to see Taraja. She crossed the room quickly and pulled up a little chair next to me. I felt my shoulders shaking. I couldn't take this waiting; it was going to break me. I just needed to know if my Bella was ok. I dropped my head looking at Taraja's feet instead of her face.

"Jacob, they got the baby out. She is a healthy seven and a half pounds and has a real set of lungs on her. Bella is still in surgery but she is stable. They had to perform an emergency hysterectomy. They are just closing her up now but she is going to be fine," Taraja told me, her hand on my arm.

"What?" I gasped looking up at her. I was so sure she was going to tell me that Bella had died, the shock that she hadn't took a few moments to process.

"Bella is going to be fine Jake. And if you clean up a little I can take you upstairs to meet your daughter," Taraja told me with a big smile. I stood up as soon as she finished speaking. Charlie followed me out of the tiny waiting room but Sam and Embry had to stay behind for now. I was shown a small bathroom and quickly washed my hands and face. I looked at my reflection and tried to spot a difference but I couldn't. I was different now, despite what the mirror showed. I wasn't just Jacob, the werewolf and the husband. I was Jacob the father now. Jesus I was a father. I ripped the bloody shirt over my head and pulled on the blue one I had been given by Taraja. It was way too small and the arms looked like the might rip at any moment but I didn't care.

I left the little bathroom and was lead upstairs. Taraja took us to a long window and stopped in front of it. She lifted her arm and pointed to a small, clear crib with the words "Baby Black" on the end. All I could see was a mass of pink blankets. Charlie had his nose almost pressed against the glass. Taraja pushed an intercom button and with a loud buzz the door at the end of the glass opened. She gestured for us to follow her.

"Take a seat," Taraja whispered, pointing to the large stuffed chairs in the corner. I sat down in one and Charlie took another and both of us watched as a nurse I didn't know pushed the little plastic crib with my last name on it toward us. The nurse scooped up the bundle of pink blankets and put them gently in my arms. I looked down at the face of my daughter for the first time.

Her hair was as black as mine and dead straight. She had a lot of it sticking out from under the pink beanie the nurses had put her in. She had my coloring too and it exactly matched my fingers that gently touched her soft skin. She turned her head at my touch, the two perfect lips I had first seen on the ultrasound opening with a sucking sound. She had my strong nose as well, perfectly straight. But Bella was in there as well. She had Bella's small frame and pouty lips. Her face was arranged in the same way Bella's was too, with wide spaced eyes and a perfectly rounded chin.

"She's beautiful," Charlie's breathed next to me and I nodded in agreement. I couldn't speak just yet, my whole world captivated with the tiny creature in my arms that had so perfectly captured my heart. One of her little hands came up and I touched it gently. She opened her tiny fist and little fingers clung to mine with a strong grip. I gasped when she did this, my little girl holding on to me already.

"She is definitely one of the cutest babies we have ever had come through here and that's saying a lot," the nurse I didn't know said, gesturing to all of the cribs behind her. She had a clip board in her hand and she sat down in the chair next to me.

"Do you and you're wife have a name picked out?" she asked me.

"Sarah Hope Black," I told her not looking away from the bundle in my arms. I saw the nurse put pen to paper in my peripheral vision. Taraja's bleeper went off then and she silenced it quickly. She strode away from us to use one of the wall phones.

Sarah stretched a little in my arms, her tiny fingers still gripping mine. The beanie slipped and I quickly pulled it back into place. I could stare at her for ever, she was just so perfect. I kissed her little head and breathed in the wonderful scent of her. I heard the phone click back onto the receiver and Taraja came over to us.

"Bella is out of surgery and is awake Jacob, she is asking for you," she explained softly. I looked up and Charlie stood next to me, leaning down and pulling Sarah out of my arms expertly. I was sad to see her go but I wasn't sure I was up for the task of walking and carrying her just yet. Charlie held Sarah for a few moments, studying her face before gently placing her in the little crib.

"Can Sarah come too?" I asked standing as well.

"We will bring her down to you shortly. Bella is only just out of surgery but I will make sure she meets her daughter before she goes to sleep," Taraja told me. I let her lead me out of the nursery but I kept looking over my shoulder as I left. It felt like I had left part of my heart behind.

The journey to intensive care was quick. It was only one floor below the nursery. Every room in here had blinds and they were all shut. I followed Taraja into the last room at the end of the hall and felt my breath catch. Bella opened her eyes as we came in. Charlie walked around me, grabbing a hold of Bella's hand. She smiled at him and I slowly came into the room, sitting down on the hard plastic chair next to her bed.

Bella was still pale as a sheet and her head scarf was gone. She had an oxygen mask over her face and was hooked up to several different machines all of which beeped and buzzed at the same time. Her now flat stomach looked strange to me; I had gotten so used to the bump. I ran my fingers along her cheek and she pulled the oxygen mask off her face. I was about to protest before she reached out, pulling weakly on my borrowed shirt. I leant down and kissed her.

"I heard you," she whispered, her voice rough.

"When?" I asked her softly, not understanding. I was so grateful that Bella was awake and whole and speaking to me. The half an hour in the waiting room had just about killed me. My mind had kept torturing me with images of a scared Bella dying alone. I had promised her I would never leave her alone when she needed me and I was thankful I hadn't broken that promise.

"You said to me, 'Keep your heart beating for me' so I did," she croaked and I looked at her in shock. She smiled at me, a cold hand tracing my face. I kissed her again and was flooded by her sweet strawberry taste. My heart was aching from all of the emotional highs and lows but they were all worth it so that I could be sitting here, feeling Bella's lips under mine.

"Have you seen her?" Bella asked us both her voice wispy and I pushed the oxygen mask back on her face.

"She's beautiful Bells," Charlie said holding her hand tightly.

"She is perfect honey. Healthy as a horse," I told her kissing her hand.

"Or a wolf," Bella laughed. Charlie looked at her in bewilderment but I didn't bother to try and reassure him, hoping he would just think it was the medicine making Bella act funny.

"They are going to bring her up soon," I told her and she smiled at me. I hoped it would be soon because Bella looked unbelievably exhausted. Her eyes drooped and her hand was limp in mine. Charlie excused himself after a few minutes saying he had to call Renee and let her know what was going on. Bella and I didn't talk after he left, we just looked at each other saying more with glances that we ever could with words. I heard the rattling of wheels and looked up at the doorway. The nurse from the nursery was there and she had the plastic crib in front of her.

"Are you ready to meet your daughter?" she asked Bella, parking the crib next to me. I noticed it had Sarah Hope Black on the end now instead of Baby Black. Bella nodded and reached out her arms as the nurse lifted Sarah from the crib. The nurse placed Sarah in Bella's arms and whispered to me that she would be outside if we needed anything. She back out of the room quietly, closing the door behind her.

I watched Bella's eyes dart all over the little face in front of her, her mouth a perfect O behind the oxygen mask. She brushed her pale fingers along Sarah's cheek gently. I stood up and sat on the edge of Bella's bed, wrapping one arm around Sarah as well. I wiped away the tears that had escaped from Bella's eyes. She reached up, pushing the mask off her face again.

"Oh Jacob she's perfect. She looks just like you," Bella gasped in wonder.

"I thought she looked just like you," I told her. Sarah opened her mouth in a perfect little yawn as if to tell us that she didn't care who she looked like. I smiled at Bella and she grinned back. I lent down and kissed Bella's perfect mouth. Sarah was perfect, Bella was perfect. Everything at this moment in time was absolutely perfect.

We became a family on a Thursday.

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><p><strong>AN: **Yup there is two today. I just wanted to add this down the bottom so there would be no spoiling of surprises. Ok let's get stuck into it.

Number One: I am from Australia so I don't know when American football is on the television. Here in Oz we have our footy season in winter so I'm just following that, so that is why Jacob and Billy are watching football on the TV in winter. Oh and I don't think you guys use the word 'hooligans' so if you don't it basically means 'idiots'. And Jakes new nickname is actually what I call the movie New Moon to my friends.

Number Two: Baby name! I decided on Sarah because I thought it would be nice to honor Jake's mother but I decided to put in Hope for a completely different reason. You see I'm obsessed with double meanings and so every single OC in this story no matter how minor they are all of their names mean Hope in one form or another. Just so there is always a little bit of hope around Jake and Bells.

Number Three: I am aware that Bella should have had an ultrasound before the twenty week scan where they find out they are having a girl. But I didn't want to have to put two ultrasound scenes in and I really wanted Jake and Bells to see their baby together for the first time and find out it was a girl then too. So that is why Bella received her first ultrasound at twenty weeks.

And finally I finished this chapter on ANZAC day. For those of you who don't know it is the day that Australia remembers and pays homage to our fighting men and women from the past and present and who have paid the ultimate price so that we may live in peace. Lest we Forget, ANZAC day 2011.


	8. Chapter Six: Friday

**A/N: **Ok you guys I had a serious meltdown this week. I was writing away quite happily and I was going back over the other chapters of this story when I realized something awful. I whipped out my copy of New Moon to confirm said awfulness. There is a scene in chapter two in which Jake talks about Emily's chicken and being beaten with wooden spoons. When I wrote that I was one hundred percent certain it was a scene briefly described in NM (which I haven't read in over a year) and did not give it another thought. I was wrong. I was so very wrong. I have subconsciously plagiarized another work of fan fiction by an awesome writer. Yeah. This caused me to curl up into the fetal position and sob for at least three hours, followed by several stiff drinks and three huge Easter eggs. The story I accidentally plagiarized is by auderyii_fic and it's called The Movement of the Earth (you've probably read it but if you haven't go read it now. It's so freaking awesome). I was gonna change that scene but I decided against it because a) it's hard to edit already published stuff and b) just looking at that scene now makes me wanna vomit. I thought I'd just tell you guys and let you know that it killed me and my subconscious is very, very sorry.

Again I know nothing about babies or cancer treatments. Some things may be wrong as a result and I apologize. My only research tool is Google, which is not great but is better than nothing. Also any real living person or lyrics mentioned in this story are not owned by me. I thought I should just cover my ass there.

Also I am aware this chapter took quite some time to get up. There is a reason for that. I got an awesome new job (yay!) which has taken away a lot of my time to write (boo!). That being said I have three weeks off so I can write more. But I am also going on a road trip to Sydney in that time (yay!) and I don't know what my internet connection will be like and therefore do not know when the next chapter will be up (boo!). Life sucks some times. But I will definitely have the next chapter and the epilogue done for when I return so they should both be up by the 28th of this month by the very latest. If its not feel free to kick my ass. No really go for gold. Ok enough bitching lets get on with the good stuff!

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Six<strong>

**Friday**

I awoke with a start and glanced at the clock. The numbers glowed a bright green telling me it was quarter past two in the morning. The baby monitor was lit up like a Christmas tree with Sarah hollering down louder than any baby should ever be able to scream. Taraja was right; this kid had one hell of a set of lungs on her. I forced myself to sit up, my whole body feeling disconnected. I had only had an hour an a half of sleep since I put Sarah down for the third time this evening.

"It's ok I got it," Bella groaned next to me, rolling over onto her back.

"Don't worry about it Bells," I mumbled at her, swinging my legs out of the bed.

"You've gotten up all night, it's my turn Jake," Bella yawned, sitting up.

"Yeah and you've only been home for four days. You need to rest," I told her standing up. I looked down at the bed and Bella frowned at me. She opened her mouth to protest but I cut her off before she could begin.

"I'm already up. Its ok, just go back to sleep," I soothed her. She gave up on arguing and flopped down onto the bed. I stumbled out of the room, pulling my sweats up as they slid down my backside. I pushed Sarah's door open and crossed it in a single step to the white crib. Sarah looked up at me when I appeared and her cries increased tenfold.

"It's ok, I've got you," I whispered as I picked her up gently. I held her to my bare chest and placed a hand on her diaper. She was as dry as a desert. I stifled a yawn and carried my crying daughter out of the room toward the kitchen.

"Alright it's coming," I assured her as I fished a clean bottle out from the cabinet. I grabbed the formula and the spring water from the same shelf but didn't bother to close the door for now. I made the bottle as quickly as I could without dropping Sarah, although my supernatural agility and speed sure did help. I flipped the hot water on in the sink and held the bottle under it, waiting impatiently for it to warm up. If you had told me a year ago that I could make a bottle for a screaming newborn in my sleep in less than two minutes I would have laughed at you and told you that you were insane.

Bella had wanted to breast feed but after the first few days the doctors had told her to stop. Sarah had gotten all of the protective stuff the OB's kept going on about that only a mother's milk could give in the first few days but Dr. Tikvah had told us it would be best if Bella got a dose of chemotherapy as soon as possible. And breast feeding while getting chemo is not a good idea. Bella had been torn, but I had pushed her. She needed the chemo and babies had survived on formula before. After almost ten months of no treatment, Bella got her first dose of chemo at the end of that week with me and Sarah there to support her.

Bella had had to stay in hospital for almost two weeks after her surgery and Sarah had gone home three days after she was born with me. We had visited Bella every day but when visiting hours were over and I was forced from her bedside I had to look after Sarah alone. I tried not to take it as a premonition. The first three days had been terrifying. Emily practically lived with me, showing me what to do but I was scared shitless that I would screw it all up somehow. After all, my daughter's life was literally in my hands when I carried her, what if I dropped her? Or gave her the wrong formula?

I shut off the tap and tested the bottle on my wrist. Sarah was still screaming at me as I left the kitchen and sunk onto the couch. I held the nipple to her mouth but she just didn't seem to want it. She looked up at me as if to say 'why are you doing this to me?'. Sarah's eyes were startling. We hadn't seen them until the day after she was born but when she opened them I fell even more in love with her. Sarah had Bella's beautiful milk chocolate eyes. They were identical in every way from the exact match of color to the love and trust behind them.

"Come on Sarah," I moaned, trying again with no success. Sarah squirmed away, determined to cry all night long. I sighed and placed the bottle on the coffee table, running a hand across my eyes.

"You're not hungry, you don't need changed. What do you want kid? I need some clues," I asked her. Sarah stopped crying momentarily when I spoke to her but as soon as I stopped her eyes screwed up and it started all over again. I stood up, pulling her back into my chest.

"Sarah, your killing me here. You're barely three weeks old and you're already killing me. I though I had to wait until you were sixteen to do that," I muttered. Sarah stopped crying again, like she was listening to me. I stood still for a second hoping it was over, but as soon as that thought entered my head the crying started up again in my ear. I walked her down the hall into her tiny room.

"Ok you want me to talk to you, I'm talking," I whispered and she grizzled at me. I placed a hand on the back of her head and walked around the nursery slowly. The baby monitor was still on and lit up, casting a soft pink light into the room.

"What talking is not good enough for you now?" I asked her. She whined again in my ear. I moved her away from my shoulder and into my arms like I had first held her in the hospital. She waved a balled up fist at me angrily. I touched her hand with my pointer finger and she grabbed onto it immediately. I smiled at her but Sarah just opened her mouth to grab another lungful of air to scream at me. I don't know why I did it but it just popped into my head.

"You say yes, I say no. You say stop and I say go, go, go. Oh no. You say goodbye and I say hello," I sang at her softly. She paused mid-scream and looked up at me. I rushed on scared that if I stopped for a moment the crying would start again. I rocked side to side as I sang.

"Hello, Hello. I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello. Hello, hello. I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello," I sung a little louder. Sarah had stopped crying completely and I shifted her, holding her against my chest again. I kept swaying from side to side, dancing with my daughter.

"I say high, You say low. You say why and I say I don't know, oh no. You say goodbye and I say hello," I kissed Sarah's head as I paused for a breath, her little hand still clinging to my finger, "Hello, hello. I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello."

I heard a little noise from the hallway and glanced up as Bella stepped quietly into the room. Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears and her fingers to her mouth as she watched me. I kept rocking back and forth and Sarah started fussing so I continued, watching Bella watching me.

"Hello, hello. I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello," I sung as Bella crossed the room. I lifted my arm so that Sarah wouldn't have to let go of my finger and Bella slid under it. Her pale hand came up brushing Sarah's face that rested against my shoulder. Bella swayed with us now, danced with us.

"You say good bye, and I say hello," we sung together. I glanced down at her in surprise, and the collected tears finally slipped down her cheeks. She stood on her tippy-toes and I lent down to kiss her mouth softly.

"Your mother would be so proud of you if she could see the man you grew up into," she whispered as she pulled away from my mouth. She wiped away the tears on her cheeks and leaned into my chest, next to Sarah. I leant my chin on the top of her bald head and swallowed back the hot feeling in my throat. Bella and I both started signing in unison again.

"Hello, Hello. I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello. Hello, hello. I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello."

* * *

><p>"Oh she's just adorable!" Renee squealed, as Bella placed Sarah in Renee's arms. Renee started cooing at Sarah, fussing with the pink coverall that Bella had dressed her in after her bath. Sarah looked up at Renee like a deer caught in headlights. It was so cute but I bit my tongue so as to not start laughing.<p>

Billy and Charlie were here too, seated at the round dining table plowing their way through the pile of sandwiches Bella had made for them. Renee sat next to Bella on the couch making baby noises at Sarah. I was sprawled on the floor, running my fingers up and down Bella's smooth calf and trying to think of an excuse to leave. I had to be on patrol in twenty minutes.

"She looks just like you Jacob," Renee said to me, her eyes still locked on Sarah. I glanced up at her. Everyone said that Sarah looked exactly like me but when ever I looked at her all I saw was Bella.

"I told you Jake," Bella said with a smile, her fingers in my hair. I just shrugged. The first night in the hospital Bella and I had argued for twenty minutes about who Sarah looked more like. We had spent nearly an hour counting toes and comparing her skin color to mine before the arguing began. Bella had always said from the get go that me and Sarah looked identical but I didn't see it as much as everyone else. To me she was all Bella, just with black hair and darker skin.

"If you say so," I replied evasively. Bella snorted but I ignored it.

"Jake, go get your old man a beer," Billy ordered from the table. I pulled myself up onto my feet and rolled my eyes at him.

"What your wheels don't work all of a sudden?" I asked sarcastically, grabbing one of the tuna salad sandwiches off the table.

"Hey I'm a cripple," Dad teased and Charlie laughed at him. A knock at the door interrupted my chance to come back with something witty. I shoved the sandwich in my mouth and headed toward the door.

"What about my beer?" Billy yelled at my back but I just waved him off over my shoulder. The knocking was getting impatient. I hurried down the hallway and yanked the door open. Leah stood there with her fist in the air about to knock again.

"You took your time," Leah scoffed. She dropped her hand and shifted the suspiciously large handbag on her shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" I asked apprehensively, taking in her perfectly applied lipstick and tidy hair. She was even wearing perfume. Leah never wore make up, not that I could remember anyway.

"Hi Jacob! I've missed you too!" Leah exclaimed, her voice dripping with false enthusiasm. Yup still the same Leah underneath the new make up.

"Funny," I said dryly, leaning against the open door, my hand still wrapped around the door handle. Leah smiled at me but it was hardly sincere.

"I try. Seth called me. He said you had a kid or something," she explained, waving her hand dismissively as if I just happened to have kids all the time. I raised an eyebrow and waited for the real reason. Leah never gave anyone the full story. Even when she was in wolf form she was always able to hide enough from us so that we didn't really know her motives behind much. Embry said it was a girl thing, Sam said it was a female wolf thing and I just thought it was the way Leah was. Kind of like how Cullen couldn't read Bella's mind. None of that changed the fact that I couldn't figure out why Leah was apparently here to see my kid.

"What I'm not allowed to be curious?" Leah asked with a sigh.

"You hate kids," I pointed out.

"I never said that," Leah said with a grimace.

"Uh huh," I hummed disbelievingly. She sucked on her teeth for a moment.

"Ok I'm here to see Bella as well," Leah admitted, brushing an imaginary speck of dirt from her shirt in a show of nonchalance.

"You hate Bella _and_ kids. What are you really doing here?" I asked, my suspicions growing. Leah and I had developed something resembling a friendship after the newborn battle. We weren't the kind of friends that car pooled together and had lunch every Wednesday, but we were friends never the less. Leah had never really made any attempt to get to know Bella. The snide remarks had stopped after Bella and I had gotten together but their relationship was definitely not warm and fuzzy.

"I told you I don't hate kids. And even though she can be a complete idiot sometimes, I don't hate Bella ok?" Leah said defensively. She looked up at me when I choked out a laugh.

"Really? I remember you telling me once that she was crazy, stupid and what was that last one?" I wondered aloud, my finger to my chin as I pretended to think hard.

"I've called her so many things it's hard to keep track over the years. Psychotic perhaps?" she offered with a grin. I glared at her but she didn't seem to find it intimidating in the least. Nothing intimated Leah.

"And yet you don't hate her? Seems like an odd friendship." I dropped my hand from my chin and resisted the urge to close the door in her face. Leah knew how to push my buttons and she enjoyed pushing said buttons far too much. Bella was not psychotic. Ok maybe she had been a little bit when she was dating the leech but that was solely due to circumstance. Anyone would be if they were in love with a bloodsucker.

"I never said she was a friend, I said I don't hate her. Kind of like how I don't hate Simon Cowell even though he _is_ insane and a complete douche bag," Leah quipped, still grinning at me.

"You watch American Idol?" I mocked her. She lost her grin and tilted her head at me.

"It's a bunch of people making idiots of themselves on national television. What's not to love?" she explained as if it wasn't plainly obvious.

"That is true. Still doesn't explain why you're here though," I said, cutting through the petty crap. Leah took a deep breath and adjusted the huge bag once more. She twisted her slim fingers together and she dropped her eyes from mine.

"Bella and I have an understanding," Leah said carefully. I felt my eyebrows shoot up. Leah was a lot of things but cautious wasn't one of them. Something was officially up.

"An understanding?" I repeated slowly.

"Yeah," she said with a nod.

"Care to elaborate?" I asked with a frustrated sigh.

"Nope," she said, shaking her head now. I was about to start yelling at her but she cut me off before I could even get the chance to speak.

"I saw Embry before I came here; he said you'd need an excuse to slip out for patrols so I'm the excuse. You gonna let me in?" she asked, shoving her way past me without waiting for an answer.

"How are you an excuse? Unless you're here to annoy me into leaving. I have to say you're doing quite well so far," I sneered, closing the door with a snap.

"That's not it, although it is an added bonus. I'm going to pretend to go all gaga over your kid. That makes guys run for the hills right?" she said with false sweetness. Now I understood why she was all done up. Leah was dressed to impress and despite what she had said, annoy the crap out of me.

"You can't do gaga," I snorted.

"Oh really?" Leah asked with a smile that was nothing short of evil on her face. She turned away from me, striding down the hall. I took a second before following her even though I was pretty sure I was going to regret it.

"Hello boys and girls," Leah drawled as she made her way over to the couch and flopped down beside Bella. I expected Bella to look confused or at least surprised at Leah's random visit but if she was she didn't show it. I sat down on the coffee table in front of them. Renee had never met Leah before, leant forward with Sarah still in her lap.

"Hi I'm Renee, are you a friend of Bella?" Renee asked politely, sticking her hand out. Leah didn't take it.

"Of sorts," Leah replied, tossing a smirk in my direction. Renee didn't seem to know what to make of that and let her hand drop. No one spoke for what felt like hours, but in reality it couldn't have been more that sixty uncomfortable seconds.

"Would you like to hold Sarah?" Bella asked, pulling Sarah out of Renee's hands. Leah dumped the handbag on the floor with a thud and allowed Bella to transfer my daughter into her lap. She held Sarah with surprising ease and a strange look on her face. I had half expected her to not even want to touch Sarah despite what she had said at the front door. Instead she held my daughter as comfortably as if she had dealt with babies all of her life, her face looked almost sad. Leah's long fingers stroked Sarah's cheek and Sarah turned toward the touch, her huge brown eyes looking up at Leah with total trust. Leah's eyes met mine and I swear for a moment I caught a look of something more, something envious.

"She is pretty fucking cute. Which is surprising seeing as she sprung from your loins," Leah said flippantly, her eyes still on me. Renee made a strangled sound at Leah's casual use of the f-word. Leah looked down at Sarah again and her face softened slightly, some of the sadness and bitterness leaking out of it.

"That's one way of putting it," Charlie said gruffly, pulling himself out of his chair at the dinning table. Leah nodded absentmindedly.

"Yeah it is isn't it?" she half whispered, running her fingers over Sarah's face again. Billy had rolled over from the small table, with Charlie behind him. Leah scooped up Sarah and gently handed her back to Bella. As she handed her back Leah bit her lip and Bella nodded. I think I was the only one who saw it.

"So what brings you back down to La Push Leah?" Dad asked, parking himself next to me on the coffee table.

"Yeah Leah what brings you back to La Push?" I mimicked sarcastically. Leah ignored me, turning toward my father.

"Seth called to tell me all about the little bundle of joy," Leah said with a smile, sounding shockingly sincere. I narrowed my eyes at her. I didn't buy it for a second.

"She's a miracle," Renee cooed, her entire focus on Sarah who was starting to nod off.

"We were just saying how she looks just like Jake," Bella told Leah.

"Not too sure that'd be a good thing," Leah said with a laugh.

"Thanks Leah," I growled. Leah shrugged and smiled at Bella, the picture of innocence.

"Just saying. I think she looks more like you Bella," she said, reaching out and brushing Sarah's jet black hair back off her face. It stuck up in a million different angles, making Sarah look like she had just stuck a knife in a toaster.

"Really? Everyone else says she looks like Jacob, except for Jake of course," Bella said with a little frown. Bella had argued with me every time I had said Sarah looked like her and with Leah she just lets it slide. _Leah is scary though_, my mind reminded me. Yeah wasn't that the truth?

"Is that so?" Leah asked with way too much interest, glancing back at me. I met her stare evenly. There was no way I was showing any sign of weakness, not while Leah was acting so fishy. Leah looked away first, her features almost guilty for a split second. Her face was back to barely concealed glee so fast that I was sure that I had imagined it.

"What's in the bag?" Bella asked none too subtlety. Something was going on between these two and I was desperate to know what. Leah was a schemer; nothing good could come out of this. I bet if I had read my horoscope today it would have read something along the lines of great misfortune and humiliation are sure to befall you today.

"I was cleaning out some old junk in mom's attic and I found this," Leah explained pulling what looked like an old photo album out of her bag. She dumped it on the table next to me with a bang. Sarah jerked awake with a start.

"This should settle the great debate," Leah explained as Bella soothed Sarah. Leah flipped open the front page and shuffled through the album until she found what she was looking for. I started down at the pictures of a baby dressed in green shorts and a white shirt, spaghetti sauce all over his face. After a moment I realized that it was me I was looking at. I had never seen this picture before.

"Is that you Jake?" Charlie asked staring at the small photo on the page.

"Yeah I think so," I replied with a nod. Why did Leah have baby pictures of me? That didn't make any sense at all.

"That is you Jacob. Sue had these?" Billy's voice was surprised, and he reached out, pulling the photo album closer to him. He flipped the page slowly and I saw a bunch of pictures that I recognized, but more that I didn't. Rachael and Rebecca running around the Clearwater's back yard. A seven year old Leah holding a toddler version of Seth covered in make up. Pictures of me sitting on the beach with dad next to me, our faces stained orange by fire light. There were even some of Bella from when she was little and Charlie would bring her round. I pulled a picture out of the album. It was of me and Bella sitting in a dingy next to Charlie, both of us holding those little kid's fishing rods. I had my arm around her shoulders and we were both smiling at the camera. Bella's two front teeth were missing.

"Yeah from when we were kids. She told me her and Sarah used to always make copies of each others pictures incase the other lost them or something," Leah explained as I passed the picture in my hand to Bella. She smiled at the photo.

"I haven't seen these in years. That's the twin's first day of school," Dad exclaimed in pleasure, pointing to a picture of my sisters packing up knapsacks that looked far too big for them. My mom was standing behind Rebecca, pulling her hair into a pony tail.

"I think there are even a few naked ones of Jake in here somewhere," Leah said, pulling the album toward her.

"What?" I gasped as Leah pulled a photo from the album.

"Ah ha here we go. Naked Jacob," Leah said with a smile, the evil one from before. She flipped it around so we could all see. I was sitting in the bath (without any bubbles mind you) with a flowery pink shower cap on, one of my sister's Barbie dolls in hand. I couldn't have been more than three. I felt my face flush.

"No way," I yelped reaching out for the photo. Bella pulled it out of Leah's hand and showed Renee. The simultaneous cooing almost did me in on the spot. Billy and Charlie had started laughing at me.

"Oh Jacob you were so cute when you were little," Renee gushed.

"Yeah I wonder what went wrong. Oh look another one!" Leah sighed happily pulling another photo of me out of the album. This time I was standing on first beach without any clothes on, just baby blue floaters around my arms. Why did parents have to take pictures of their children without any clothes on?

"Sarah and you totally look the same, look at that," Bella giggled, pointing from the photo in Leah's hand to Sarah in her lap, who was sleeping right through her father's humiliation.

"Ok that's it I'm outta here," I said, jumping to my feet. Charlie and Dad were laughing even harder now.

"Oh don't be such a baby," Leah teased.

"Give me that," I snatched at the photo in Leah's hand but she pulled it out of my reach. She may not be phasing anymore but she was still fast as hell.

"Now, now play nice," Leah scolded mockingly, shaking her finger back and forth at me. Leah turned to Bella an excited look on her face.

"You know I've seen these professional baby picture setups they have at the mall. You should get a picture of Jake and Sarah together. They even have matching outfits!" Leah said, reaching into her bag again and pulling out a shiny brochure.

"Really?" Bella asked a smile stretched across her face from ear to ear.

"Oh yeah. Look at the catalogue. There are heaps but I think you should go with Peter Pan and Wendy," Leah laughed looking over at me; flipping the brochure open "I think Jake would look great in the green tights."

"Oh my goodness that is adorable! You have to do that," Renee squealed. Charlie and Billy sounded like they were going into cardiac arrest with all of the wheezing and choked laughter. Dad even had tears streaming down his face.

I glared at Leah, too angry and embarrassed to even argue with her. I stormed out of the room in a huff Charlie and Billy's laughter increased with every step I took. I knew it was childish but I couldn't help it. At least I had an excuse to leave for patrols.

"That was a bit of an overreaction," Charlie wheezed out between laughter.

"Better hope temper tantrums are not a genetic trait," Leah replied. I slammed the front door but I could still hear them laughing behind it.

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><p>"Do we have to listen to this crap?" I moaned throwing the jumble of Christmas lights onto the coffee table. Christmas lights were evil. I had been trying to untangle them for over thirty minutes and I was about to give up and go to the store and just buy new ones. Bella shot me a look from the other side of the room.<p>

"Don't curse in front of the baby Jake," she scolded me, waving her hand at Sarah who was next to me, having the time of her life in one of those swinging chairs. Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer was playing on the TV and I had heard it at least three times already this evening.

"Bells, she's four months old. She doesn't know what a curse word is. She doesn't know any words, do you Sarah?" I asked her. Sarah laughed at me and I took that for a yes. I looked over at Bella smugly and she rolled her eyes.

"Besides Leah gets to swear in front of her. What's up with that?" I grumbled, tugging sharply on the string of lights. I accidentally snapped the cord and quickly shoved it out of sight before Bella could see. I still hadn't figured out what all of those looks had been about with those two the other month.

"That's just Leah. She swears," Bella muttered, kneeling next to the Christmas tree, sorting glass baubles by color. Red on the left, gold on the right.

"I curse too you know," I told her, rolling the Christmas lights up into a messy ball and shoving them back into their box. I was buying new ones I decided, even if I hadn't just destroyed that set.

"Don't put them away we have to put them on the tree," Bella sighed, crawling her way over to me carefully so as to not crush on the ornaments that were scattered about the room. I pushed some of the decorations near me out of the way so that her path would be clear.

"Thanks," she mumbled, settling down on the floor next to me. She pulled the broken Christmas lights out of the box and glared at me.

"You broke them?" she exclaimed, holding up the snapped cord as evidence.

"Accidentally Bells," I admitted sheepishly.

"Great now we are going to have to buy more and you have to put the lights on first or other wise it just doesn't look right," Bella groaned, dropping her head into her hands and the lights into her lap.

"Hey, its just Christmas lights, we can get more," I told her, rubbing her back with my hand. She kept her head in her hands. I glanced over to Sarah as if she could help me but she was consumed with trying to find a way to get her foot into her mouth.

"But these were perfect! They matched the decorations exactly and they were the last set in the store!" Bella wailed, her voice muffled by her hands. I pulled the lights out of her lap and tossed them onto the coffee table.

"Bella, don't worry about it. Christmas will be fine even without perfect lights," I soothed. Bella shook her head a mumbled something that sounded like 'ruined' and 'stupid werewolf strength'.

"Why are you getting so worked up over this?" I asked desperately, reaching over with one hand to pull Sarah's foot out of her mouth. Bella hands dropped into her now empty lap and she watched me fix Sarah. She wrapped both arms around my waist and rested her head on my chest.

"I just wanted it to be perfect. I hunted everywhere for the right stuff so it would look good and I was so happy when I found those lights. I just wanted it to be wonderful and amazing because it could be the only Christmas I get to spend with her," she whispered. I closed my eyes for a moment and cursed myself for my stupidity. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen it earlier.

"It could be my last Christmas with you," Bella continued and my eyes snapped open. I pulled her back away from my chest and she hung her head. I cupped her chin forcing her to look at me. She wasn't crying but that was worse than if she was. Instead she looked so miserable, so gutted at the thought that this might be our last Christmas. Lately our whole lives were beginning to revolve around possible lasts.

"Don't say that," I whispered.

"It could be though," Bella said softly.

"Even if it is lights wont make a difference. Just don't say that," I told her. Bella pulled her chin away from my hand and grabbed the lights off the table again. She picked at the ripped cardboard packaging for a moment, biting her lip so hard I was worried she was going to chew it right off.

She was thinner again, never regaining the weight she had put on before the pregnancy. Dark circles under eyes marred her perfect porcelain skin even though she slept more than ten hours a day. She could hardly ever stay awake; everything exhausted her especially looking after a demanding four month old child. And it was terrifying. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders again, ignoring the way her shoulder blades dug into them.

Bella had every right to worry. Her time was expired and according to the doctors she could go downhill at any moment. I refused to think about it but we both knew slowly but surely Bella was getting worse. We both saw the signs of her getting weaker, sicker, but neither of us spoke about it aloud. Looks had been enough, but apparently they weren't anymore.

"Bells I know you are worried and I am too. But even if this is your last Christmas it wouldn't matter if we didn't have the stupid lights or a tree or presents or any of that stuff. All that matters is that were all here together," I said gently. Bella stopped picking at the box and looked up at me.

"That was really corny you know," she said with a little smile.

"Yeah I know," I conceded "but still true."

"You asked me on our honeymoon if I was scared to die," Bella said quietly after a few moments.

"You said you weren't," I whispered, kissing her temple gently.

"I know."

"Are you now?" I asked against her skin, frightened of the answer. Bella had been the rock through out this. I had gotten better but she handled the whole thing with much more ease than I ever could. I don't know if that was because her life had been threatened so much when she was younger that she had just gotten used to it or if because she was a stronger person than I was. Then again if it had been the other way round and I was the one dying I wasn't so sure she would be so calm. Maybe it all just came down to circumstances, but either way if Bella was scared now I didn't know how I would be able to handle that. I wasn't sure I could help her through that when I could barely help myself through it.

"No but I just wanted to tell you…I mean I wanted to say…I don't know how to word it right," Bella huffed out a sigh of frustration. I felt a wave of relief at knowing that Bella's strength was not crumbling away. I would have hated for her to turn to me for help and not be able to give it to her.

"Its ok, take you time," I told her, my fingers absentmindedly drawing circles on her upper arm. She was frowning in concentration, over thinking as always. I kissed her forehead and the frown lines disappeared, if only for a moment.

"I know you are scared Jake. But I don't want you to be. I'm not scared so you shouldn't be either," Bella said her voice soft but strong. She was looking at me the same way she did when she first told me she had cancer; determined.

"I can't help it Bells. I don't understand how you can't be scared," I admitted with a twinge of guilt. Bella insisted I helped her just by being there but it still felt as if I should be doing more.

"I don't see the point in being afraid of the inevitable. I know I'm going to die and I don't want what little time I have left to be marred by fear. I don't want fear to ruin your time left too. I hate that you feel bad about it. So don't ok," she said, shifting her body a little, climbing into my lap. I pulled her closer to me, loving the way she melted into my body.

"I'm trying," I whispered.

"I know," she whispered back, pressing her lips against mine. The kiss was short and bittersweet. Bella fingers were trailing over my back and mines mimicked hers, trying to remember every curve, every line. The heavy air between us was broken by a gurgling sound. We both glanced to our left and saw that Sarah had managed to pull both of her feet up and was happily sucking on her toes. It broke the mood successfully.

Bella and I both started laughing as Bella pushed the button to stop the swing moving. She pulled Sarah out of the swing with ease and settle back into my lap. Sarah smiled at the both of us, waving her hands in the air. Jingle Bells Rock was playing on the TV now.

"There is one thing I am scared of Jake," Bella admitted as she wiped the drool off Sarah's toes with a scrap of spare wrapping paper she had found on the floor. I didn't ask her what it was I just waited quietly looking from Sarah to Bella and back again. Bella was staring at Sarah's smiling face intently.

"I'm scared she won't remember me," Bella said sadly looking away from Sarah's face to mine.

"I won't let that happen," I assured her, even though I was unsure of how I would fulfill that promise. But I knew what it was like to forget things about your mother; I wouldn't let that happen to Sarah. I may not be able to let go of my fear of Bella dying the way Bella could but I could at least make sure our daughter remembered her.

"How?" Bella asked her voice barely above a whisper.

"I just won't. She won't forget you," I assured her vehemently, "she will know all about you. I will tell her everything. She won't forget you."

"You promise?"

"Yeah I promise."

* * *

><p>"Can I hold the baby?" Claire asked shyly.<p>

"Only if you sit down first," Bella told her and Claire scrambled up onto the log next to Bella. We were at the beach having a bonfire for New Years Eve. The whole pack was here as usual, all of them loud, rude and kicking up a fuss.

I was sitting next to Emily on the other side of the bonfire watching Bella show Claire how to hold Sarah properly. Terry was sitting at Bella's feet with a bunch of army men. He kept tugging on Bella's jeans showing her all of the little figures. Bella smiled at him and listened to each of his very long and in-depth back story he had made up for each solider.

"She is really good with kids," Emily said to me.

"Yeah she is," I agreed. Bella wrapped the blanket around her shoulders a little tighter and helped Claire adjust Sarah in her lap.

"What have the doctors said? Does she have much more time left or…" Emily trailed off. I glanced over at her. She was chewing on her finger nails of her scarred hand, her other hand in Sam's who was pretending to ignore us, letting us talk privately. Well as privately as we could seeing as nearly everyone here had super hearing.

"They are surprised she is still going. We don't really know how much time we have left," I told her. I didn't say aloud that in all reality Bella could die tomorrow. Every morning when I woke up I always rolled over and made sure she was still breathing. It was excruciating not knowing when it would happen but at the same time I was thankful I didn't know. Because every day I woke up and Bella was still breathing was another day that we could spend together.

"It's good that your work is letting you stay home," Emily said, letting her hand drop from her mouth. I nodded in agreement. Dowling's had allowed me to stay home with pay given our circumstances. I had to give up my next few years of paid leave but I didn't care. It was worth it.

"Bella is scared Sarah wont remember her," I said quietly.

"I can understand that," Emily said, her voice strained "if it was me in Bella's position I would want Terry to remember me."

"I promised her I wouldn't let Sarah forget and I don't know how I'm going to do that. People can't remember things from when they are babies," I muttered hopelessly. Emily didn't respond for awhile and I thought she wasn't going say anything more. I glanced over the fire at Bella who had let Terry climb into her lap. She smiled at me over his head.

"That's not always true," Emily said slowly.

"What do you mean?" I queried, tilting my head round to see her face in the fire light. She sighed gently, pushing her hair off her face.

"My grandma died when I was eight months old but I swear I can remember her. Not completely mind you but I remember her eyes and her soft fingertips on my hand. It's not much but I remember her," she told me, her face screwed up as she tried to remember her lost grandmother.

"Do you think Sarah might do that?" I breathed looking back over the fire. Sarah was reaching out toward Bella now, and she shifted Terry onto the log next to her, scooping up Sarah slowly. I saw a look of pain flash across her face but she bit her lip and wiped it off from her features quickly. She had been doing that a lot lately, hiding the increasing physical pain she was in. I didn't know if she knew I knew she was hurting more than she let on. Sarah snuggled in Bella, a happy smile on her face.

"From the way that little girl loves her, yeah I do. It's not the same as having a mother but it's better than nothing," Emily's voice was mournful as she watched Bella fix the top button of Sarah's coat that had worked its way open. A loud bang sounded overhead and the beach lit up a bright green and pink as the first of the fireworks went off.

She was right. It was not the same as remembering a loved one but it was better than not remembering anything. It was hope.

* * *

><p>Our lives may have been filling up with lasts but there were firsts too. Sarah said her first word at six months old. Bella was feeding her in the highchair at the dining table and we were talking over dinner. The day had been nothing special so far until Sarah looked right at Bella and said a single word.<p>

"Mama," she cooed. Bella and I both fell silent. Well Bella did, I choked on my steak.

"Did she just speak?" Bella asked not taking her eyes of Sarah.

"She said mama," I confirmed looking at Sarah with awe. Sarah laughed at us, squishing her hands through the pulverized peas that Bella had been trying (unsuccessfully, I might add) to get her to eat. She had no idea of the stir she had just caused.

"Mama," Sarah said again, holding out a pea covered hand. After the initial shock had worn off Bella had curled up on the couch with Sarah for over an hour. She had tears running down her face and Sarah clung to her happily. She said mama over and over again, her little hands never once letting go of the front of Bella shirt.

She started crawling not long after that and damn the kid was fast. Sam had warned me that once a kid starts crawling you will never have a moment's peace and he was right. Sarah was determined to explore the world and she was a regular escape artist. Bella had invested in baby gates one day when I was out on patrol and I just about broke my neck stumbling over the one at the garage door when I came home in the middle of the night. Bella had said I should have been able to see it given my heightened sight. I had told her it was hard to send a text message and watch out for random baby gates at the same time even if I was a werewolf.

Sarah took her first steps at ten months clinging onto my finger tips. Bella had caught her when she stumbled, laughing with her. Seeing Bella kneeling on the summer grass of our backyard, Sarah shrieking happily in her arms made my eyes prickle. This might be Bella's last summer but at least she was there for Sarah's first.

* * *

><p>My knee bounced nervously and Bella's slim, pale hand reached out, resting on it. I stopped bouncing my leg and Bella gave me a small smile. It felt strange being somewhere with Bella but without Sarah. Leah had offered to baby sit for us and we had dropped her off at Sue's place early this morning.<p>

The door behind us clicked open and Dr Tikvah walked into her office. She smiled and greeted us in her whispery voice before sitting down behind the glass desk. Bella's medical file was n her hands and it was thick.

"How are you two? Adjusting well to being parents?" she asked us as she flipped open the file.

"It's different," Bella said with a smile. Dr. Tikvah smiled back and pushed her gasses up her nose, studying Bella's face. She glanced down at the notes for about thirty seconds, tapping a pen in her hand against the paper.

"You're looking quite well considering," she noted, closing the file gently "How has your pain been?"

"It's a little bit worse," Bella admitted. A little bit was an understatement. I had caught her the other day with her face screwed up and her arms wrapped around her middle in the kitchen. She had told me it was fine, that it happened all the time but was determined to get her to the hospital. She wouldn't let me take her to the E.R but had agreed to schedule a time to see Dr. Tikvah as soon as possible, even though that had meant driving up to Seattle.

"And the fatigue?" Dr. Tikvah continued, standing up and coming around her desk. She leant against the desk in front of us, bringing the pen to her mouth.

"She been sleeping a good twelve hours a day," I told her.

"Is that because of the chemo or the leukemia?" Bella asked.

"Its both. The chemo batters your body and takes a lot out of you. But your leukemia has progressed into its final stage. Your body is trying to fight the leukemia and deal with the harsh chemo at the same time so it's not uncommon to find someone in your position sleeping that much," Dr Tikvah explained.

"But she got better before, can't she get better again?" I asked threading my fingers through Bella's on my knee. Dr. Tikvah shook her head at me.

"The fact that Bella is in this room just now talking to me coherently and without crippling pain is in its self a miracle. But the test results show no improvement."

"The chemo isn't working anymore?" Bella asked her voice small.

"Chemotherapy buys time but the longer you use it against a terminal illness the less time you buy. When you first started it gave you two years but now…Bella in reality you should have passed away ten months ago. You should not have survived this long according to the tests."

"Well if the tests are wrong about that maybe the tests are wrong about there being no improvement," I countered hotly, ever the optimist.

"There not," Dr. Tikvah assured me, her voice hard.

"But you just said that-" I spluttered my voice growing louder with anger.

"What would happen if I went off chemo? Would I loose a lot of time?" Bella interrupted me. I turned to face her, surprised. Bella couldn't be serious, she could not stop chemo.

"The chemo isn't really helping you that much anymore Bella. Yes every time you do have chemo it buys you a little bit more time. But we are talking days not months now. Eventually it won't give you any more time at all," Dr. Tikvah explained slowly.

"How many of my symptoms will disappear if I stop treatment?" Bella asked completely focused on the doctor. I had no idea she was considering stopping chemotherapy and the idea shocked me. Knowing Bella this wasn't a spur of the moment thing. She had been thinking about this for awhile.

"The nausea should lessen as well as some of the tiredness. If you decide to stop we can give you more pain medicine as well to make you more comfortable," Dr Tikvah said and Bella nodded, that determined look back on her face.

"I want to stop chemo."

"Bella you can't," I gasped, turning in my chair so I was facing her. She turned toward me too, snatching both of my hands up in hers.

"Jake, I don't want to spend my last days feeling like I'm going to throw up every where. Or be too tired to see straight. We are at the end of the road here; I don't wanna spend it hunched over the toilet," she told me, her voice sure and rock steady. I shook my head like I had water in my ears.

The fact that Bella had gotten better before on our honeymoon seemed to me that the chemo was working. Dr. Tikvah was so sure that it wasn't but she admitted herself that test results could be wrong. If they had been right in the first place Bella shouldn't have been alive just now. I looked up at Dr. Tikvah.

"Will stopping the chemo take away some of her time?" I asked her, my voice hoarse.

"Maybe a few days. But really Bella could pass away an hour from now chemo or no chemo. There's no way to be sure, but no I don't think it will take away a significant amount of time." I nodded at her turning back to Bella.

"Please Jake. I want to be able to spend as much time with you and Sarah feeling better, feeling human," she pleaded.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked, squeezing her fingers with mine. I hated the idea. I didn't want to give up just yet and that's what it felt like. But I didn't want Bella to suffer either. I was caught between a rock and a hard place and I didn't know which was worse of the two.

"Yes," Bella responded her eyes blazing. Bella agonized over decisions but once she made them she followed through. If she thought this was best maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Lose a few days but gain a few more in which she would feel better. It was a horrible thing to have to weigh up.

"Fine," I gave in, hating myself for it. But I had promised Bella I would stand by her, support her. And that's what I would do.

* * *

><p>"She sleeping," Bella sighed as she slipped back into bed. Sarah was sleeping through the nights now but she still woke up every now and then. I rolled onto my side and pulled Bella into my body. It had been a month since the meeting with Dr. Tikvah and Bella had given up on chemo.<p>

She was somewhat better. She stayed awake a little longer; her nausea had faded as had her pain. But the anxiety I felt every morning to see if she was still alive by my side had increased dramatically. She had asked me once if I had been mad at her for stopping the chemo and I had told her I wasn't. It was true, I wasn't mad. But I was scared. Reality was closing in and days seemed to breeze by much too fast.

"Was she ok?" I asked her, my fingers walking down her back.

"Just hungry," Bella assured me, wrapping cool arm over my side "Her first birthday is coming up soon. I can't believe she is nearly a year old already."

"I know I reckon we should leave Quil in charge. He's pro at fixing up girly parties," I joked.

"I going to be there," Bella murmured, raising her head from my shoulder to look at me. The moonlight pouring in from the window highlighted her pinched face. I ran my fingers over her cheekbone, and she closed her eyes a single tear escaping.

"You will be," I told her, wiping away the tear. I had gotten so used to the anxiety that the new knots in my stomach went almost unnoticed. She bit her lip, her chocolate eyes opening.

"I hope so," she whispered.

"There's no hope about it. You will be there Bella," I said, my face hard. Bella would be there, she would make it. The anxiety I had seemed to fade a little as I spoke. I didn't know how I knew but my gut did. My gut was normally right so I trusted it.

"You think so?" she asked and I nodded at her.

"I know so."

"What makes you so sure? I might not even make it to tomorrow," she asked, her breath catching a little. I held her tighter, kissing the top of her head.

"Because I'm here, I won't let anything bad happen. You will be there," I promised, bending my neck and kissing her sweet mouth once. Her arm trailed up my back and round my neck, holding me to her. She kissed me again, her mouth needy. We broke apart our breathing rough.

"You will be there Bells," I repeated, kissing her cheek "you will be there."

* * *

><p>Terry ran past me screaming excitedly. He was jumping up and down like a lunatic, Sam chasing him around my back yard. Terry was fast but not fast enough. Sam grabbed him round the waist and hoisted him up over his shoulder. Embry appeared at my side, snickering.<p>

"What did you do?" I asked him, watching as Terry struggled to get out of Sam's grasp. Sam dumped him down next to Emily and started to tell him off but Terry wasn't paying attention. Normally Terry hung on Sam's every word. Sam pried a crushed up bag out of Terry hands and he started to pout. I sensed a temper tantrum on the horizon (I was actually starting to wonder if I had a sixth sense when it came to temper tantrums. I had predicted more than a fair share of Sarah's).

"I gave him about five packets of pop rocks," Embry said with a laugh. I glanced at him with an eyebrow raised. Embry was giggling like a little school girl watching Sam try to calm down his hyper four year old. Sam looked up having caught the comment and glared at Embry across the yard.

"So you have a death wish," I concluded.

"Hey it's a kiddies party I have to get my kicks some how," Embry told me gesturing around the yard at all of the bright pink decorations. Quil and Bella had gone nuts setting up Sarah's first birthday party. Baby pink balloons hung from the trees and tables set up had bright pink and purple table covers. The food was mostly gone already seeing as the majority of the guests had a supernatural appetite.

Charlie was sitting next to Renee and Phil with a hot pink party hat on. Dad was next to him, his hat in his lap, refusing to wear it. Paul had two on his head looking like a demon. The only reason he was getting away with that was because Rachael was so heavily pregnant she couldn't swat them off his head.

Leah was with Seth and there were both picking on each other, the comments getting progressively nastier. Leah was trying to persuade Seth to give up phasing and go to college but Seth wasn't having any of it. Seth had been thinking abut college a lot lately and I had meant to talk to him myself about going. But life had been more than a bit crazy and I hadn't had as much time for the pack as I should of.

Bella was set up next to dad. Emily and Sam had brought the big chair from their house over again and she was rugged up in it. She was getting exhausted just from walking across a room but she was smiling and happy today. Sarah was standing in front of her, her little hands using Bella for support.

"Hey man when are we having cake?" Jared asked, appearing at my side. At least that's what I think he said seeing as he has just shoved half a burger in his mouth.

"Oh shit! Cake!" I yelped jumping up from my seat. I was supposed to have brought the cake out ten minutes ago but I had been distracted by a pop rocks induced temper tantrum.

"Want some help?" Jared asked eagerly.

"Yeah right. If I let you near that cake you will stuff it all down your throat before I even get it out the door," I scoffed. I headed inside, Embry falling into step beside me. I shoved a bunch of plastic wrappers and empty cups off the kitchen work top and pulled the pink cake out of the fridge. Bella had written 'Happy First Birthday Sarah' across it in her neat writing. Embry ripped the big number one candle out of its packet and stuck it into the icing in the middle of the cake.

"That is so not going to be enough cake for everyone," he observed as I fished around for a lighter. The cake was huge at least three times the size of a normal cake but I knew he was right.

"Yeah well it'll have to do," I muttered, pulling out a blue lighter from the utility drawer "You only get one piece."

"No fair!" Embry whined watching as I flicked the flame over the candles wick. It caught quickly and I picked up the cake.

"What time do you need me here tomorrow?" Embry asked as I walked past him with the cake, making my way to the back door. Embry was coming round to look after Sarah for an hour while Dr. Tikvah came round. She had told us that Bella's pain was becoming too difficult to manage with pills alone. She was going to set up a morphine drip in the morning.

"Um about ten I guess," I mumbled, swallowing hard. I didn't want Bella to go onto a drip. From what Dr. Tikvah had explained it seemed to be that once a drip was in place the patient normally didn't survive for very long after wards.

"No problem," Embry said gently with a nod. He reached out, patting my shoulder a moment as if he knew what I was thinking. Embry was my best friend so odds were he probably did. I cleared my throat.

"Go ahead will you and start singing?" I asked, nudging him with my elbow.

"Why can't you do it?" Embry asked, looking terrified. It made me smile for a brief second.

"Because I can't sing just go," I encouraged him. Embry went out the back door and I leant against the hallway wall for a moment. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm my self. When I heard Embry's voice sing out (badly) I pulled myself together and walked out the door.

Bella had Sarah on her lap and she was holding Sarah's wrists, making her clap. Bella grinned up at me as I placed the huge cake on the little table in front of her. I scooted around and knelt on the damp grass next to Bella's chair. Bella lifted Sarah up to the candle and we lent forward together to blow it out for her once the singing had stopped.

"Make a wish!" Renee cried out, snapping a photo at the same time. Bella's hand crept out grabbing mine and squeezed hard. I closed my eyes as we blew out the candle and I made my wish. I wished for Bella to be happy in the time we had left. I wished for Sara to remember her. I wished for just a little bit more time together, even if it was only just a few more days.

Everyone was clapping and cheering and I opened my eyes to see Quil had appeared with a stack of paper plates, pink of course. He handed me the knife and I started to cut up the cake with my free hand, my other still in Bella's. Sarah got the first slice and she smashed her hands into it, baby pink icing going everywhere. I laughed at her, kissing the top of her head.

Bella was still smiling at me, a long arm wrapped around Sarah's waist. I kissed her smiling mouth and her face was full of light. Full of happiness. Maybe one of my wishes had come true already.

"I made it," she whispered, hugging Sarah closer to her chest.

"I told you you would," I teased.

* * *

><p>I sat next to my bed watching the steady rise and fall of Bella's breathing. Dr. Tikvah had just left and the morphine drip was in. I could hear Embry babbling at Sarah from the front room. I reached out, holding Bella's hand but she stayed asleep. Dr. Tikvah had warned us that because Bella was not used to the morphine she would probably sleep a lot more for the first few days. She was coming back tomorrow to make sure the dose was ok.<p>

There was a soft knock on our bedroom door and it opened with a loud squeak. Charlie shuffled into the room. He heaved a deep sigh and undid his gun belt, placing it on the bureau. He sat down on the edge of the bed, across from me, and took Bella's other hand.

"How long has she been asleep for?" he asked, is voice tight and gruff. It was hard for me to see my wife like this and I knew it had to be just as hard for Charlie to see his only child clinging to life. Charlie reached up, pulling Bella's head scarf off her forehead and folding it neatly on the bed. His hand returned to hers, but the other gently stroked her bare skull.

"Only about five minutes," I told him. Charlie nodded, his fingers moving slowly over Bella's smooth skin.

"You know that's the only thing she got from me that you could see," he said, not taking his eyes from Bella's face.

"What is?" I asked, confused.

"Her hair. It was exactly the same color as mine. Bella's more like me on the inside but on the outside that was from me. Mostly she just looks like Renee," he replied his face was unreadable. I could barely remember what Bella looked like with hair anymore.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, unsure of what else to say. Charlie nodded again and we sat in silence for a long time. I lifted Bella's hand to my face and closed my eyes, holding her palm to my cheek. Her heart beat flickered against my skin. Charlie cleared his throat and I glanced over at him. He was watching me and his face was sad now.

"You know when Cullen left her and she fell apart I just about lost _my_ hair trying to figure out how to help her. But you fixed her so effortlessly. You held her together when I couldn't, when she couldn't. And again through out all of this you stuck by her. You've kept her going," Charlie told me. I shook my head, placing Bella's hand back on the bed gently.

"I could have done more," I insisted. I glanced down at Bella and was thankful she was asleep, thankful she was relaxed. As much as I hated the new morphine drip, it took her pain away.

"What could you have done?" Charlie asked his brow furrowing.

"I don't know," I whispered truthfully. No one had asked me that before. I thought about it a lot but when said aloud I didn't know what more I could have done. Maybe just wished there was something more. Then I wouldn't feel so helpless.

"You did everything right. You made her happy Jake. You're a good man. I'm proud to have you as my son in law," Charlie continued, turning back to face Bella.

"Thank you," I said roughly. Charlie nodded once but didn't look at me. Bella moaned in her sleep, too quiet I was sure for Charlie to hear but I could make it out.

"Jacob, my Jacob," she murmured and I felt my heart twist cruelly. With sudden force I couldn't stand being in this room for a second longer. I needed out. I needed air.

"I'll be right back I just need a moment" I gasped at Charlie and he nodded again.

I stood up quickly and left the room as quietly as I could. I slipped into the bathroom, jumping through the window so that I didn't have to face Embry on my way out. I made my way across the back yard which still had a few streamers and half deflated balloons floating about.

My eyes stung as I wandered through the mossy trees Bella's voice muttering my name echoing in my mind over and over. I stumbled into a clearing, weak grey sunlight filtering through a hole in the forest's canopy. The hole was caused by the large tree that was now on the ground in front of me, probably knocked over in a recent storm.

I dropped to my knees in front of the fallen tree and rested my fore head against the rough bark. I gave into the ache in my chest and felt my whole body shake as I sobbed. I slammed my fist against the tree and the wood splintered. I pushed my face away from the bark and kept my hands on the tree. I looked up at the sky through the hole as saw the smallest glimmer of blue sky between grey clouds.

My whole body burned. I couldn't stand this, it was just too much. Hot tears streamed down my face as I started at that blue patch, my mind feeling oddly blank and full of information at the same time. She was going, and there was nothing left to do. I swallowed hard, my breath shaky.

"Bella, my Bella," I croaked out to the sky. Once I spoke the words started spilling out of me and I couldn't stop them. I didn't really try.

'I don't know if the spirits are real or if there is a God or not. I think there must be seeing as I am not exactly human," I muttered to the blue patch of sky "but if there is please, please don't take her yet. I need her, we need her. Don't take her yet. Please, not yet. I'm begging you to give me just a little bit more time."

My voice broke then and I took a shuddering breath. I dropped my gaze from the patch of blue sky. I wiped my wet face with a hand. My other hand gripped the fallen tree tightly; bark scraping into my knuckles painfully.

"I don't want Sarah to have to carry a picture of Bella around in her wallet to know what her mother's face looks like," I whispered desperately "and I don't think I have the strength to let her go when I need to."

The ache in my chest didn't let up. If felt like it was apart of me now. Maybe this was what Bella had felt like before I fixed her. But who would fix me when Bella was gone? Would I always ache now?

"I don't want to lose her, please," I begged before I couldn't continue anymore, my throat was just too tight. I turned around, resting my back against the tree. I glanced up again and the blue sky was gone now. I wrapped my arms around my knees and for the first time in a long time I felt truly alone.

* * *

><p>"It won't be long now," Dr Tikvah whispered to me. Our house was full, every pack member, council member, friend and relation possible packed into the dendinning room area. I held Sarah in my arms and stood outside our bedroom door. Dr. Tikvah was next to me, her little hand resting on my fore arm.

I felt the odd combination of being numb and hyper aware of my body at the same time. I could see Dr. Tikvah in front of me but her hand on my arm seemed far off. I was aware I was trembling but I couldn't feel it. I only knew because the world was shaking around me. I had been preparing for this moment for what felt like a lifetime but now that I was here I didn't know what to do. I held Sarah tighter, trying to draw some comfort from her little body.

"Dada," she cooed in my ear, her arms went round my neck trustingly. I knew she didn't know what was going on but I swear when Sarah spoke then there was a forlorn tone to her voice. I held her tighter.

Our door squeaked open and Charlie stumbled out, his face red and blotchy. He didn't acknowledge me, just headed out toward the front room. Dr. Tikvah's hand squeezed my arm, pushing me toward the door. It took me a few moments to remember how to move my legs. I entered our room slowly, closing the door behind me with a quiet snap.

The bright light streaming in the windows felt out of place with the situation at hand. Sunlight fell on Bella's face, lighting up her features. I felt my throat close. The morphine machine beeped in the corner, the little tubes stuck in her arm, taking away her pain. It had only been a week since it had been set up. I stepped toward the bed, the floorboard groaning under my eight as I did.

Bella opened her eyes at the noise and gave me a small, sad smile. I knelt down on the floor next to our bed and placed Sarah in Bella's arms. Sarah was quiet, her big eyes wide. She clutched onto Bella's hand.

"Mama," she mumbled. Bella kissed Sarah's cubby cheek, a little tear falling from her eyes.

"Mama loves you Sarah," she whispered into Sarah's skin. Her every breath was labored, rattling in her chest. Her hand came up resting on my cheek. I turned my face, kissing her palm. It was warm, alive.

"I love you Bella, I love you so much," I told her, reaching out with my other hand to touch her face. My heart was pounding in my chest, my eyes darting over her taking everything in. She didn't have a head scarf on and she was wearing an old shirt of mine I used wear to fix up The Rabbit. The collar was frayed and it was oil stained. She said she liked that shirt the most because it reminded her of all the time we spent together when we were younger.

"I love you too Jacob," she whispered back, the sad smile still on her lips. My heart ached at the sight. I wished I could steal her away from this nightmare. Just run away with her and Sarah to somewhere where there was no cancer, or pain or death.

"I'm cold Jake," she breathed and I climbed onto the bed with her, Sarah in between our bodies. I pulled her closer. She shivered against me even thought she felt warm to my touch. She kissed my chest, my neck and her lips burned.

"You always keep me warm," she breathed, her head on my shoulder.

"I promised you I would," I murmured gazing down into her eyes.

We started at each other, drinking in each others features. Her face was flushed with fever, giving her the false impression of health. Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears. Her perfect mouth parted, straining for every gulp of air. I lent forward kissing her lips, tasting her strawberry taste that was uniquely Bella. Her fingers danced over my face.

"Thank you," she sighed. Her breathing rattled again and I slid down the bed, pressing my forehead against hers. She kept one arm around Sarah and the other snaked around my neck. She kissed me again, so softly I barely felt it.

"Bells," I moaned against her lips. My hands were tight on her arms, arms strong around her back, holding her to me. I needed to feel her. My body shook as I tried to keep the sobs inside me. I didn't want my last look at her to be blurred by tears.

"I'm not afraid with you here, I'm never afraid in your arms Jake. Thank you," she choked out. I bit back a moan. In my minds eye I could see everything we had done together. The way she laughed when I brushed that ticklish spot under her ribs. How she had screamed happily on the tea cups at Disney Land. The way her voice sounded when she had moaned my name in my arms. I didn't want to give that up just yet. We still had more memories to make.

"Don't go," I begged her, swallowing hard against the hot lump in my throat. She shook her head at me, smiling still. Even now she was always trying to make everyone else feel better, trying to lessen their pain. It was so Bella.

"I have to. You've been with me every step of the way Jake and I love you so much for it. I can't put into words how much I love you," she told me, her heart stuttering as she spoke "You make me so happy Jacob. You saved me."

I think my heart broke then. I had always wanted nothing more than to make her happy. She knew it, she said I saved her. I kissed her mouth again desperately. She gasped against my mouth and I pulled back slowly. The sunlight on her face made her eyes sparkle and she was so beautiful and I loved her so much it hurt.

"Do you remember when we walked on the beach and I told you the tribe's stories for the first time," I asked her, my thumb gently tracing her cheek bone. She leant into the touch, closing her eyes.

"Yes, I remember," Bella said with a nod. She opened her eyes again and all I saw was love and trust. She wasn't afraid. She was ready. She was strong. I hoped I would be too. I took a shaky breath and continued.

"I thought you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. I couldn't believe you were talking to me," I said, choking on the words "I didn't know it then, but it was when I first fell in love with you,"

I could still see that day, the way she fluttered her eyes at me, leant into my body. She was gorgeous with her deep red brown hair and smiling eyes. I remembered loving her from my childhood but that day it had shifted. It became something more. And it had never changed since that day. Bella owned my heart.

"Me too Jake," Bella whispered, her hand tightening on my neck.

"Really?" I asked, surprised. She nodded again and when she smiled now it wasn't sad, it was happy. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. _Love you so much_, my mind whispered.

"You are exactly right for me Jake. It was as easy as breathing with you, it always was. You are my soul mate," she explained, pulling my mouth to hers again. We broke apart far too soon. Bella's breathing was even harder now, her chest heaving. We had spent the last few years counting every minute of time together and now her time was up.

"Look after her," she told me, her fingers stroking Sarah's hand which still held onto hers. She closed her eyes, her heart beat fluttering for a second. I felt panic rise in the back of my throat like bile.

"Bella," I moaned urgently. She opened her eyes, lazily and smiled at me again. Her heart was slowing down and my eyes prickled.

"Show her my cook books; I don't want you to be hungry. Teach her everything Jake. Take care of her for me," she muttered quietly. Her fingers were getting weaker around my neck. _No, not yet, please not yet_, my mind begged.

"She won't forget you. I promise you she won't. I won't let her forget you Bells," I promised her, holding her tight, covering her face in tiny little kisses. _Please don't go, love you Bells_, my mind thought over and over.

"I love you Jacob," she breathed, her fingers still so warm against my skin. I kissed her mouth once more and I poured my soul into it knowing that it was our last kiss. I showed her every part of me in that kiss, every part of me that loved her, that needed her so desperately. And she kissed me back, her heart and soul in it too, telling me without words that she loved me. I didn't want to stop kissing her. I knew what would happen when I did.

"I love you Bella," I whispered against her mouth, taking one last look at her face to last me a life time. She closed her eyes, a single tear slipping down her face. The little smile was still there, still beautiful. Her heart faltered again, then once more and finally stopped. I wiped away the tear that she couldn't feel anymore and in that moment Sarah began to cry. My sobs finally broke free and I crushed Bella to my chest. I kissed her face, her skin still deceptively warm.

"I love you Bella," I whispered into her deaf ear "I love you."

After a long three year battle she finally lost. Charlie lost a daughter, Sarah lost a mother, and I lost the other half of my heart. My wife, my soul mate, my Bella, died in my arms on a Friday.


	9. Chapter Seven: Saturday

**Chapter Seven**

**Saturday**

**A/N: **This is it guys only the epilogue to go after this. Which although I did say would be up at the same time as this, is not up now. Why? Because I didn't write a word on my holiday which is not what I planned. I was just too tired every night to write and if I had tried to force myself to it would have come out as crap so I'm glad I didn't. The epilogue should be up in the next week or so as well as a one shot for this story which will be a Charlie POV that was suggested by Anony and I loved it and had to write it.

I just want to say thanks to all of you guys that have stuck with me through this story, for leaving such kind words and what not. Really it means so very much to me, so thank you. I am quite sad to see this story end, I've so enjoyed writing it and so I hope you enjoy the last full chapter.

* * *

><p>Death. You hear about it all the time. It's on the news, in the papers, mentioned in casual conversation. You understand how hard it is for the family, you see them grieving and you feel sorry for them. You make them food, send them flowers. Your heart goes out to them. But until it's the death of someone you love, someone you cared for you don't really know what its like. You have no idea what it feels like to be left behind. You can't comprehend that hurt.<p>

I was hurting. And it felt endless.

* * *

><p>I woke up slowly, my back stiff and sore from sleeping on the couch. My brain was foggy; all I knew was that I couldn't go into that room. I couldn't sleep in that bed. It was night time and I glanced over to the big armchair at my feet. Embry was still here, a magazine in his hands. I watched him turn a page before I shut my eyes. I wasn't ready yet.<p>

I woke again and the room was bright. I was still on the couch and a hand was in my hair. I closed my eyes; the hand was strong and soothing. For a moment I could pretend it was her. I drifted back into unconsciousness, wishing it was her cool fingers touching me. I fell asleep before the ache in my chest could remind me it couldn't be. The third time I opened my eyes it was dark again. Yellow light stained the wall from the small lamp next to the TV. My dad was there, his face grave.

"Jake you have to eat son," he murmured, transferring a tray from his knees to the coffee table. I ignored the food. It wasn't food I wanted. I rolled over, turning my back on him and fell into sleep again. I wasn't ready. Voices roused me for the fourth time. They were all anxious and fast, words muttered under their breath so as not to disturb me. I didn't bother to try and figure out who they belonged to. I didn't care about the voices. I didn't open my eyes.

"He hasn't moved off that couch in nearly three days."

"He's grieving, leave him be."

"He needs to eat."

"Jake will eat when he's ready."

"Is Sarah still with Charlie?"

"Yeah but she's still crying. She keeps saying Dada over and over. Its not like her, she's normally such a good baby."

"She just misses Jake."

"When are you going back out on patrol?"

The voices faded away as I fell into the comforting numbing blackness again. I wasn't ready. Not yet.

* * *

><p>The next time I regained consciousness my head was still foggy and I desperately needed to pee. I sat up carefully, almost tumbling off the tiny couch. The room was empty and the house was far too quite. I could hear the big plastic clock ticking from the kitchen. I glanced at the coffee table. A tray was set up with a bowl of cold soup on it and a post it note. I snatched the note off the tray, wiping sleep out of my eyes to read.<p>

_Jake,_

_If you wake up I have had to go home to get clean clothes. I'll be back by two thirty at the latest. Sarah is still with Charlie. Try to eat something and call me if you need me._

_Dad._

I tossed the note back onto the table as I stood up slowly. My back was on fire. I stumbled down the hall and into the little bathroom. I all but sprinted to the toilet, leaning a hand against the cool tiles to keep myself upright. My legs felt weak and shaky as I flushed. I stood in front of the mirror for almost sixty seconds before turning on the tap to wash my hands.

My reflection looked shockingly pale underneath three days of unshaved growth. My hair was greasy and I needed to brush my teeth. My fingers gripped the sink as I remembered her walking into this room, standing in front of this mirror fixing her long hair and - _stop it_, my mind chided me, _don't think about her_. The tap squeaked when I turned the cold water off.

I shuffled toward the shower turning the water on as hot as it could go. I stripped off the crumpled clothes I had worn since Friday. I stepped under the scalding water and closed my eyes, my body swaying. _Don't think about her; don't think about her_, I chanted in my mind. I reached out for shampoo and opened my eyes, pushing the water off my face. I looked down at the bottle and dropped it with a gasp. It was strawberry body wash.

I turned my back on the red bottle grabbing my shampoo instead. I left the bottle on the shower floor when I was done. I couldn't stand to touch it. I needed clothes but I didn't have any. I eyed the dirty clothes hamper but I could see the sleeve of a white shirt that wasn't mine. I didn't want to touch her clothes. They would smell like her.

Wrapping a towel around my waist I decided not to bother. It wasn't like I would get cold. I made my way up the hallway but slowed to a stop outside the bedroom. Our bedroom. I reached out slowly and touched the handle with a finger. _No not yet, not ready_, my mind whispered. I lurched away from the door and stumbled back into the den, collapsing onto the couch.

My stomach snarled at me but I ignored it and the cold soup in front of me. My chest ached and my body shook but I didn't cry. I couldn't cry. I hadn't cried since - _don't, don't, don't_, I all but screamed at myself. I dropped my face into my hands wishing I could just go back to sleep. Sleep helped. When I had been sleeping I didn't dream, I couldn't think, I didn't have to remind my self over and over to not think of her.

The quiet was getting to be too much, it thrummed in my ears. I snatched the remote from the coffee table and turned on the television. The first thing that came on was some cooking show. I quickly changed the channel before the ache in my chest intensified to the sports station and turned the volume up. I didn't actually see the TV, my vision blurring so that the people running around just looked like blobs. I settled down on my side and stared at the screen without taking in what was going on. This was almost like sleep.

I felt hollow inside. My chest hadn't stopped aching since Friday. I forced myself to not look away from the TV so as to not see the blanket she always used draped over the back of the arm chair. Or the pictures of us hanging on the walls.

Shadows crept slowly across the room but I didn't move. One game ended and another started. I heard the roar of an engine and voices outside. A key clicked as the front door opened. The car left again as Dad rolled into the room. He had a bag in his lap. He maneuvered his way closer to me but I didn't really see him, my gaze still trained on the blurry TV.

"Hey Jake," he said softly, stopping in front of me. I couldn't see the TV anymore now; dad's knees were in the way. He rummaged through the bag on his lap and pulled out an old pair of my sweatpants. He placed them in front of me. I didn't move.

"Do you want to eat something?" Dad asked but I shook my head. I heard him sigh and he grabbed the tray from the table and rolled out of the room. I sat up slowly and pulled the sweatpants on. They were black. I chucked the towel onto the arm chair as Dad came back in. He pressed a tall glass of water into my hand and I stared at it dumbly.

"You need to drink something Jake," he said gently, pushing my hand toward my mouth. I swallowed the cool water, draining the glass. I hadn't realized how thirsty I was until just then. Dad parked himself next to the couch and stared at the TV as I placed the glass on the table and lay back down. He didn't speak again until the game finished and a third one started.

"The funeral is tomorrow afternoon. Sam has organized a suit for you," Dad told me. I nodded against the couch. The word funeral stabbed at me like a blade. _Don't think about it, don't think about her. _

"You need to think of something you want to say," Dad continued. I could see him watching me out of the corner of my eye. He sighed again and reached out, his hand running through my damp hair. It was familiar and comforting. It must have been Dad who had been doing it before.

"I know you are hurting Jake. I know what it's like to loose your wife. I know what it's like when it feels like your world had ended. But your not alone Jacob. You don't have to do this on your own." Dad's voice washed over me but it didn't really help. I didn't respond. I reached up pulling his hand out of my hair and held onto his fingers. I couldn't speak, my throat just wouldn't work. I gripped his hand tighter and he squeezed back.

"You'll be ok Jacob, you will get through this I promise you," Dad told me gently. He didn't let go of my hand. We stayed there all night, watching game after game and he never once let go of my hand.

* * *

><p>I buttoned the crisp white shirt carefully. It itched against my skin. I was clean shaven and my mouth didn't taste of sleep for the first time in days. I shrugged into the black jacket. Sarah was sitting in her high chair in a black dress. Emily was trying to get her to eat but she wasn't having any of it. She reached out her little arms to me and I scooped her up, holding her tight against my body.<p>

When Charlie had first brought Sarah over this morning I was frightened of her. I was actually scared of my daughter. I was terrified I would look into Sarah's eyes, her eyes, and break down. I didn't, but the ache in my heart that seemed like a permanent part of me now thudded painfully. Sarah hadn't cried once since she had gotten home but she kept asking for Mama. I didn't know what to do with that. Emily had gotten her ready as I had shaved. Hearing her little voice cry out Mama over and over almost broke me. Sarah was quiet now though as I held her, her little hands clutching onto my shoulder.

"We should get going, it's almost two," Charlie announced gruffly. Sam scooped up the car keys from the table and I headed out to the garage. I opened the back door to the Rabbit and strapped Sarah into her safety seat. The backseat had been replaced but I still imagined that I could smell her blood. Sam had appeared and folded himself into the driver's side. I couldn't drive yet; my brain was still in the clouds.

We drove to La Push's only graveyard slowly behind Charlie's cruiser. It was sunny today and I hated it. The sun had no right to shine on a day like this. I leant my head against the glass and closed my eyes for the remainder of the drive. It didn't help, the sun shone on my face forcing me to feel its warmth, making my world a light pink behind closed lids. The trip was silent.

When the car finally stopped I waited a few moments before getting out. I didn't look around as I closed the door and opened the back one. I undid Sarah's belt and pulled her into me, closing the door with my knee. Charlie's cruiser was parked a little further up and we walked toward it. Nobody spoke as we made our way around the thick line of green trees that hid the cemetery from the road. It felt strange to be outside after so long.

I could see people gathering up ahead, chairs lined up in neat rows. I didn't look at the white closed casket that was already in place. Colorful flowers bobbed in the gentle wind but they were just a blur of white and yellow. I sat down on one of the hard seats. People were milling around talking softly. Hands touched my shoulders, voices whispered condolences. I held Sarah tighter.

I didn't pay attention to the service. Some pastor I didn't know was up the front talking about how death was only one step in life or something. His words held no meaning for me. I glanced up at the coffin. She was only a few feet away. I could reach out and touch her if I wished. The walls my mind had constructed to block her out suddenly crumbled and she was everywhere.

She laughed when I stole food of her plate, calling me a pig. Her eyes crinkled just a little when she smiled at me. She sang badly when she washed her hair in the shower. She left books everywhere, dog eared and stained. When we walked she held my hand and always leant her head against my bicep. She still cut the crusts off her sandwiches. She clutched my shoulders, her nails digging into my skin when we made love. No one said my name like she did. I tore my eyes away from the casket. Charlie was talking now, dad by his side.

"She was the most you could have asked for in a daughter, she was the most loving, the most kind…" his voice washed over me soothingly. Charlie had tears on his face and the little piece of yellow paper in his hands shook. Dad had a hand on his fore arm, always there for support. Sarah wriggled in my arms and I moved her away from my body, placing her in my lap.

She looked up at me with her big eyes. Those eyes that had captured me so effectively when she was a newborn now pierced me like knives. She reached out a chubby hand to my face and I grabbed it in mine. She sighed and her body relaxed. I watched her little face as the sun played on it. She still didn't look like me, not in my eyes. I felt a hand shake my shoulder and I glanced up.

"It's time," Embry said to me gently. He reached down to Sarah, pulling her off my lap. She clung onto my hand and I had to use the other to gently pry her fingers away. I stood up shakily and Sarah started to cry. Embry hushed her but it didn't help. Emily appeared then taking Sarah from Embry trying to calm her. Embry pushed me in the direction of the podium.

I walked across the uneven ground toward it. When I reached the podium I clung to it as if I couldn't stand without it there. I stared down at the wood for a few moments before I remembered the paper in my pocket. I pulled it out and spread it on the podium. I couldn't recall writing on this bit of paper but my messy hand writing was scrawled across it so I must have at some point.

I looked up from the paper into the sea of faces. Everybody was wearing black. Some people were crying. Renee had her face buried in a handkerchief and her shoulders shook violently. Phil was rubbing her back. Others just looked lost. Quil was sitting in the second row looking like he had no idea how he had gotten there. Sarah was still wailing in Emily's arms, her little hands reaching out in my direction. I glanced back down at the paper on the podium.

"I-" my voice cracked. I hadn't actually spoken since Friday. I cleared my throat and it stung. The words on the bit of paper jumped out at me and I started to read the first line in a mechanical voice.

"Thank you for coming today. I first met Bella-" I stopped again. Saying her name for the first time made the ache in my chest swell. I swallowed hard against the pain and tried again.

"I first met Bella when we were both kids, in my dad's backyard. I think in that very first moment I fell for her, right then and there. Bella was-" my voice caught in my throat. That single word jumped out at me. Was. Past tense. I couldn't put Bella into past tense. Doing that made it too real. The ache in my chest took over, making every part of me burn. _Too much, not ready_.

The podium and the white paper with my messy words on it became fuzzy in front of my eyes. The fiery ache in my chest traveled north into my throat, setting it ablaze. The podium trembled under my hands and the wood splintered with the force my fingers used to hang onto it. _Bella, my Bella. Miss you so much._

I could hear a strange noise but I couldn't figure out what it was. Warm arms were suddenly there, wrapping around my waist. The noise intensified. I watched the piece of paper with my words on it flutter off the podium with the wind. My throat was still on fire and I realized with sudden clarity that _I_ was making the noise. Sobs tore from my throat and hot tears streamed down my face. _This is too much. Bella, love you, my Bella._

"Its ok Jake, I've got you. Let go," a voice told me and skinny hands reached out, forcing my fingers off the podium. I looked down at Leah who grabbed my arm, guiding me away from the podium. Dad came up to us but Leah mumbled something to him and he returned to the rows of people in black. Leah was leading me away from the gathering of people, her hand on my fore arm gentle but strong. She sat me down on the grass and knelt in front of me. I could hear someone else talking into the microphone at the podium now.

I leant back against the hard marble of a tombstone. Leah reached into her pant pocket and handed me a tissue. I took it from her wiping my face. I noticed her eyes were red rimmed. Leah had been crying. If we had been anywhere but where we were I would have made fun of her. I took a shuddering breath and screwed up the soggy tissue. The noise I had been making had stopped.

Leah didn't say anything; she just shifted so that we were sitting side by side. I handed her back the tissue and she shoved it in her pocket. I heard a mechanical whirring and I turned my head to the left. Through a gap in the sea of black I could see the white casket being slowly lowered into the earth. I watched as it gradually disappeared. _Bella, my Bella_.

"I'm sorry about Bella," Leah whispered on my right. I ignored her; I couldn't look away as the white coffin sunk underground. I watched as the colorful flowers on top of the casket disappeared. She was gone. Leah was still speaking to me but I couldn't really make out what it was that she was saying to me. I felt lost. I felt alone.

Leah nudged me and I glanced over at her. She motioned for me to stand up and I gingerly climbed to my feet. The sea of black was heading toward us now, wiping their eyes and holding hands. I could hear the hideous noise of shovels and dirt pattering onto the lid of the casket. The thundering soil echoed in my ears as it slowly covered her.

"I'll stay here if you want Jake. You don't have to do this alone," Leah told me and I nodded at her. She didn't know I was already alone. People filed past us and they touched me again, said words like 'we are sorry for your loss' and 'she will be dearly missed'. They meant nothing to me. They were just words and empty ones at that. But I felt a tiniest bit better knowing that Leah stood next to me throughout it even if it didn't ease the gut wrenching loneliness.

Finally the throng dispersed and all that was left was a few pack members and Bella's parents. I wandered toward the fresh grave, the dark soil like a scar amongst the perfectly manicured green lawns. I didn't look at the tombstone. Emily still had Sarah in her arms but she was no longer crying. She looked like me, lost and alone.

Phil walked a distraught Renee away from the grave toward the cars behind the thick line of trees. Charlie was still sitting on one of the chairs with Dad next to him, staring off into space. Sam approached me and I felt Leah's heat leave my side. But not before she whispered into my ear to call her if I needed anything. I watched her dart across the green grass toward the car park.

"Do you want to leave yet Jake?" Sam asked softly. I shook my head at him. I wasn't ready to leave her yet. I hadn't said good bye to her. Charlie heaved himself up from the chair and staggered away toward the cars.

"Can you look after Sarah for me for awhile? I'll pick her up later tonight," I told Sam, my voice monotone and lifeless. He nodded and left me quickly. Dad appeared at my side but said nothing. He reached out, touching my arm gently for a moment before allowing Quil to push him back toward the car park. I closed my eyes and waited until the last car left and the sound of engines faded away.

I slowly opened my eyes and forced myself to look down at the white tombstone. The engraving was fresh and neat. My eyes scanned her name and the slumbering pain in my chest roared back to life.

_Isabella Marie Black_

_Beloved wife, mother and daughter_

_Who was taken from us far too soon._

_09-13-1987 – 05-04-2012_

My eyes traced her name over and over. I sat down on the grass in front of the headstone but was careful not to touch any of the disturbed earth. A wolf had been carved on to the stone above her name. It was howling. I stared at her name for what felt like an endless amount of time. People in uniforms appeared and folded up the rows of chairs and hauled away the podium I had broken down at. I paid them no attention and they left me alone.

I could still see her. I could still see the way she laughed with me as clearly as if she was sitting next to me now. I thought of the way she had battled her cancer bravely, the way she was always reassuring me, always comforting me. I remembered how she held Sarah in her arms for the first time and the look of wonder on her face. I recalled the feeling of bittersweet joy when I married her down on first beach less than two years ago. I remembered playing with her as a child, trekking around my back yard together getting covered in mud. I could hear the way her breath had rattled when she told me with her last breath that she loved me. Her final word had been my name.

The sun slowly started to sink but still I didn't move from my place. I didn't want to leave her just yet, I wasn't sure I would have the strength to come back again. I took the itchy jacket off and tossed it onto the grass. My hands came together, fingering the gold band on my wedding finger. Touching the warm ring on my hand made my heart clench painfully.

"I miss you Bella," I whispered to the white tombstone, "it's only been four days but it feels like a life time. I don't know how to function without you."

I stopped suddenly. I didn't know what else to say. That I was glad she was no longer in pain? That she had gone onto somewhere better and that I would take comfort in the fact that she would always look down on me? I didn't believe that. She couldn't hear me, she couldn't see me. I was alone.

"Why did you have to leave me?" the words tore themselves from my throat. I wiped away the tears on my face but they kept falling relentlessly. The last light of the yellow sun disappeared then, the sky all pink and purple. It was beautiful but all I could think was that Bella was missing it. She would miss so much. Sarah's first day at school, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and pack antics. She was taken much too soon, far too young. _Miss you so much Bells._

I turned my face skyward and watched as the sky slowly got darker, the lavender and pink bleeding out of it and little white stars pricked the heavens. The moon was new and finally the sky reflected my mood. The moon shouldn't be shining on a night like tonight, unlike the sun that had brazenly burned at my skin.

I stood slowly, my knees stiff. They cracked loudly as I stretched out to my full height. The grave yard was full of shadows now but I could still see her name as clearly as if it was midday. The cool wind shifted then blowing into my face and I caught the unmistakable burning sweet smell of a vampire. I should have turned and searched out the invading predator, I should have destroyed it for being on our lands when it had no right to be, but I didn't. I was too dead inside.

I caught a glimpse of unnaturally white skin and recognized the scent as it moved closer. I turned my head slightly as Edward Cullen stopped next to me, his eyes on the headstone, scanning her name repeatedly as I had done all afternoon.

"You have no right to be here leech," I told him, trying to sound angry but I couldn't quite manage it. Small things like treaty lines and ancient promises didn't seem important now that the love of my life was lying six feet under.

"I know, but I had to see her," Edward muttered, his voice strangled and pained. I glanced down at his face and it was the same one, the burning one, from the hotel lobby.

"Alice, she saw this but I thought I had time," he mumbled. His clothes where dirty and stained and his hair was full of leaves. I didn't care about him. I didn't care that he was there. I looked back down at the fresh dirt again.

"Was she in pain?" Edward whispered.

"No," I replied but I didn't show him. Her last moments belonged to me. I concentrated on the engraving of the wolf, the graceful way it stood with its front paws on a rock, its head thrown back.

"I was too late, I thought I would get here in time but I was too late," Cullen moaned, dropping to his knees. He buried his face into stone hands and was as still as a statue. I stepped away from him. I didn't want to be here with him. I didn't want to say good bye with Cullen here to taint it. I turned my back on him, walking toward the forest line.

"I could have saved her," Cullen's voice was quiet, tortured. I stopped dead. The missing anger I hadn't felt suddenly flooded my veins. All I could see was Bella smiling at me in my oiled stained t-shirt, her warm fingers on my face. _You make me so happy Jacob, you saved me_, she had told me.

I spun on my heel, Edward was still on his knees but his hands were on the grass now, fisting it, ripping it up and making more scars on the green earth. The wolf in me howled and snapped. _He is on our lands, he is evil, he wanted to change her, destroy it._

"You couldn't save her, I did. I saved her," I growled at him. The world became a red haze and heat flowed down my spine. My body shook with the urge to phase. _You saved me,_ her voice whispered again in my mind. I slipped the golden ring off my hand and shoved it into my pocket. Even in my fury I remembered to save that. Edward pushed himself up onto his feet and glared at me.

"You call that-" he pointed at Bella's grave "saving her?"

"She said it herself bloodsucker. It was me who made her happy; it was me who saved her!" I all but roared at him. Cullen's face was a brutal twist of fury and the obvious desire to destroy me. He didn't have a hope. I would kill him; I would scatter his ashes into the wind before he even touched me.

"She's dead because of you!" he snarled at me, losing all remnants of humanity "if had stayed with me she would be alive. You killed her. Bella is dead because of you Jacob Black."

I didn't respond to that. I couldn't. I lost Jacob and I gave into the anger and I became the wolf. Clothing ripped loudly as I fell forward on four legs. _I saved Bella, I saved her!_ I pounded toward him, my world filled with hate and anger and pain. _I saved her!_

We slammed together with a noise like thunder. He was fast but I was faster. I forced him to the ground and a marble hand came up, smashing into my nose. I felt it break and I yelped in pain. My mind was quiet, no one else was phased. Good, this was my fight. I would finally get to destroy Edward Cullen. I reared back lashing out with sharp teeth and grazed his side ripping the expensive fabric of his shirt. Edward spun quicker than my eyes could follow and rushed at me again.

"It's your fault!" he screamed at me as a stone cold arm smashed into my front right leg. I felt it break but paid no attention. It would heal eventually. I let go of the last parts of Jacob and became the wolf solely, letting instinct take over. I rammed at him, making him stagger backwards and my strong teeth caught hold of his white hand. I bit down hard yanking to the side. With a metallic screech Edward's hand was ripped from his arm. It clawed disturbingly in my mouth and I spat it out. I growled at him so loudly it was like a roar. He staggered back holding onto the stump of his arm. I didn't give him time to recover and rushed at him again.

A cold hand reached out, twisting my broken paw painfully. It gave out under me and I smashed into the ground. I rolled onto my back as Edward appeared in front of me his frozen legs clenching around my ribs as he pulled back his hand to smash into my face. I felt ribs break under the pressure from his thighs. I snapped my jaws at him, catching onto his destroyed arm, pulling his forearm away from the elbow. Edward howled in pain, rolling off my body. I struggled onto my side, my breath wheezing. I coughed up dark blood, unable to breathe properly but I didn't let that stop me. I tossed aside Edward's forearm.

He was on his back, his hand wrapped around his mangled arm. I placed a heavy paw on his chest and his body sunk a little bit into the ground with my weight. _I saved her_, my mind screamed at him. _You did nothing but hurt her, I fixed her, I made her whole, I saved her!_

"Then finish this. Save me a trip to the Volturi and end it now," Cullen spat at me, not attempting to get away. I growled at him again leaning forward, taking his neck in my teeth.

"Yes end it," Edward whispered his voice still full of hurt. I was happy to oblige him when I saw the white tombstone out of the corner of my eye. Bella's name burned into me. My teeth tightened but I couldn't do it. Bella wouldn't want this; Bella would never have forgiven me if I killed Edward even if she no longer loved him. I let go of his neck reluctantly and staggered back away from him, limping on my broken paw.

"You have always wanted to kill me and now, with the treaty broken and the perfect excuse you back out?" Edward hissed, still on his back. I turned away from him, searching through the scraps of destroyed clothing until I found what I was looking for. Gently I scooped up my wedding band with my tongue, holding it in my mouth until I would phase back. Edward's severed hand crawled sickly across the ground of its own accord.

_She wouldn't want this,_ I told him coldly, _if you want to die it's your own business. Go to Italy let the bloodsuckers there end your pitiful life. But I will not kill you. Bella would never forgive me for that. _I turned back toward him and he was sitting up now, his face still in flames.

"Bella is dead," Edward groaned and his words were needy, "I don't want to live without her. So kill me Jacob."

_No, _I hissed at him, _you will leave here and never return Edward Cullen. If you do my pack will hunt down your family and we will destroy them. All of them. But we won't destroy you. She would hate me for that. But you can live with the pain. You can live with the pain of knowing you killed your family. You can live with the pain of knowing she's gone and her last words were that she loved me and not you. You can live with the pain of knowing that I saved her when you never could._

I didn't bother to wait for a response. I turned my back on him again and dashed into the forest. My instincts screamed at me to turn around and destroy the threat to the tribe but I ignored them. He wasn't worth it.

I didn't see Cullen as I dashed through the mossy trees. I lost myself to the steady thumping of my paws on the damp earth. My front paw had mostly healed, only a small twinge of pain shot up my leg with each step. The forest was silent and so was my mind, at least from other pack members. I gave into the pain, the burning ache in my chest, the loneliness, the hatred and all consuming rage and just ran. I ran until the sky started to lighten again and exhaustion threatened to take over. I forced my body to run until it couldn't anymore and I stumbled into a clearing.

I recognized this clearing instantly. The fallen tree I had knelt at was still on the ground. The heavy weight of loss and hatred filled my soul. I knew that the council would be furious if they discovered that I had left a vampire to walk free after invading tribal lands but I didn't care about that. I did what Bella would have wanted. If she had known I had killed Edward she would have been horrified, so I had held back for her even though I knew it was wrong.

I stopped under the low lying branch of the fallen tree and dropped my ring out off my mouth. It glinted in the early morning light and it hurt to look at. The pain of her absence was still burning me and I couldn't take it anymore.

I threw back my head and howled into the early morning. I howled because I had been unable to give into desire and rip Edward Cullen to shreds. I howled for Sarah who would never have the chance to know her mother. And I howled for me, for my loss and the fact that I would have to continue on for my entire long, drawn out life without Bella by my side.

Somewhere off in the distance a real wolf heard my pained cries and howled back.

* * *

><p>I heard the front door shut softly and footfalls make their way up the hallway. I glanced toward the hallway as Leah came round the corner. She leant against the wall and just looked at me. I turned my head away and went back to twisting my wedding band round and round on my finger.<p>

"So you had the perfect opportunity to kill Edward Cullen, your personal mortal enemy, and you didn't take it?" Leah asked trying to be gentle but her normal sarcasm was still present. She must have spoken to Quil and Embry. They had woken up when they heard me howling yesterday morning and had come running, thinking there was an emergency. I had been right. When it got out that I had let a vampire go free after invading our territory, the Council had been pissed. It was let go because they decided that I must have been 'mad with grief'. I didn't try to tell them otherwise. It was none of their business and they wouldn't understand anyway.

"Yeah pretty much," I mumbled shifting my body to sit on my hands to force myself to stop playing with my ring. Leah didn't say anything for a long time and I didn't try to fill the silence. Sarah was sleeping in her room. The baby monitor lit up on the coffee table as she sighed in her sleep.

"I was going to do this earlier but Billy said to wait," Leah told me. I looked back up at her and she was twisting around behind her, picking up a medium sized heavy wooden chest. She stepped into the room and sat down on the couch next to me, pushing the baby monitor out of the way and placing the chest in front of me.

"What is this?" I asked her, but didn't touch the chest. I had never seen it before but it was making me nervous. I could smell Bella's soft scent on it, but it was fading.

"Bella and I had an understanding," Leah said gently, "she asked me to do this for her and at first I said no, even though I kind of put the idea into her head to do it. We weren't exactly friends or anything. I couldn't figure out why she was asking me. But she persuaded me and I eventually said yes. She asked me not to tell you until after."

"I don't understand," I said shaking my head.

"You will. Don't open it now, do it alone," she assured me. I ran a finger along the smooth wood that smelt faintly of Bella.

"You know I didn't like Bella at first," Leah continued quietly, "I thought you could do way better than her. But I was wrong."

"You were wrong?" I scoffed and felt my face stretch in an unfamiliar, painful way. With a shock I realized I was smiling. I quickly let the smile fall from my face. It felt wrong to smile when Bella hadn't even been gone for a week.

"Yeah I was. She was a brave woman, worthy of respect. She loved you and she deserved you," Leah told me, standing up. She reached out, squeezing my shoulder before turning away. Just before she left the room she glanced back at me over her shoulder.

"I didn't look inside but I know what's in there. I'm so sorry that you lost her. She didn't deserve that and nor did you or Sarah. But don't be afraid to let go of her Jake. You don't have to do it now, or next week or a year from now. But she would want you to be happy. Don't be scared to be happy again," she said with a sad smile. I watched her go, the front door closing with a snap and the motor of her car starting up outside. I waited until she was gone before opening the Bella-scented chest.

Inside smelt even more like Bella and I almost slammed the chest lid shut right away. I peered inside carefully as if something would jump out and attack me. The first thing I saw was a photo album. I pulled it out and opened the front page. Bella's curly writing was scribbled across the first page.

_Jacob,_

_I filled this scrapbook with our memories so that you can always look back and remember. I know you are scared you will forget and so now you won't. Any time you feel like your memories are slipping you can come back here and I will be waiting for you. I love you._

_Bella._

I ran my fingers over her name for a moment before turning the page. Shiny photos covered every page; some of them cut up and arranged in a collage, other pages had only one picture per page. The first page was me and Bella as kids. The picture of us in the boat I had pulled out of Leah's album was right in the middle. But there were others too. Me and Bells making cookies at Charlie's house, both of us down on the beach at the tide pools. Bella in a yellow party dress holding my hand at the twin's seventh birthday party.

The next few pages were full of pack pictures. Bella and me at a bonfire with Quil next to us and we were all making faces at the camera. Paul and me with our mouths full of food and Bella laughing at us. Bella standing in Emily's kitchen trying to make dinner while Jared was sneakily stealing a muffin from behind her back.

Pictures of us from the early years of us dating were next. Bella driving her truck and flashing me the finger as I took her picture. Bella and I washing the Rabbit in my old garage. Both of us laughing at her Dad's house when we went over for Thanksgiving. Bella holding a big box with my messing writing on it, unpacking plates in our kitchen from when we first moved in.

Then there was our wedding. Bella in white standing on the beach. Me and her kissing after my father pronouncing us man and wife. Both of us dancing at near the bonfire that had been lit after the main ceremony. Honeymoon pictures followed and I felt myself grinning again at the picture of us on the teacups. There was one of us at the hotel about to have dinner that a waitress had taken for us.

And finally there were pages and pages of us together with Sarah. Our first Christmas with wrapping paper everywhere. Sarah with her hands covered in food and the rest of it on my shirt. Bella and Sarah grinning at the camera. Sarah's first birthday party with us blowing out the candle for her, making a wish.

I shut the scrapbook softly and held it to my chest for a moment. I inhaled the addictive scent of Bella that wafted up from the pages. I placed it gently onto the coffee table and pulled out little mementos that were scattered around the chest. Bella's Mickey Mouse ears were there as well as a coaster from the hotel we had stayed in. A newspaper clipping had been laminated and I read it quickly. It was our wedding announcement from Fork's local paper. I found a small plastic hospital bracelet with Bella's name on it and her favorite purple head scarf.

I found a small woven bag and recognized it instantaneously. I had given Bella this as her graduation present. I pulled the strings apart and turned it upside down in my hand. Bella's wolf pendant bracelet I had made for her tumbled out and a small note. My chest ached painfully at the sight of the bracelet. I was sure she had been buried with it. I picked up the small note.

_Jacob,_

_Please give this to Sarah when she is old enough. I want her to have something of mine against her skin, something that meant so very much to me. I love you._

_Bella._

I felt my eyes heat at her words but I blinked back the tears that were threatening and carefully placed Bella's bracelet and the note back into the woven bag. I placed it on top of the album. I felt stiff cardboard when I put my hand back into the chest and pulled out a thick stack of envelopes. I couldn't hold back the tears as I read the front of each.

_Happy Second Birthday Sarah, Happy Third Birthday Sarah, Happy Fourth Birthday Sarah…_

There were twenty birthday cards all of them sealed. I didn't open them. I wiped the tears off my face as I put the cards aside. That was so Bella, making sure Sarah knew each birthday that she loved her, that she thought of her. _Bella, I miss you,_ I thought, _I wish you were here to give those cards to our daughter._

I reached into the chest of treasures and pulled the last items out. It was a small stack of DVDs all of them marked with Bella's handwriting. One had Charlie's name on it, another had Renee's. One more had Sarah's name on it as well as the words Happy Sixteenth Birthday so I assumed Bell had meant for Sarah to watch it for the first time then. The last disc had my name on it. I set aside the others and stared at my name written neatly across the disc. I wiped my face again and hauled myself off the couch, crouching in front of the TV. I fiddled with the settings and pushed play on the DVD machine, my heart thudding loudly in my ears.

The screen fuzzed and then Bella was there. I felt my breath leave my lungs in a big gush as she smiled at me through the screen. She was so aching beautiful, her long brown hair tumbling down her front. She was wearing her wedding dress and I realize this had been filmed inside the white tent that had been set up on the beach.

"Is it on?" Bella asked looking above the camera. I felt more than heard the strangled sound I made at her voice.

"Is the little red light blinking?" Leah's voice asked off camera. Bella nodded and smiled at me again.

"Then it's on. I'll be outside and I'll make sure no one comes in ok?" Leah asked and Bella nodded again. Bella waited a few moments before looking back at the camera, a wonderful rosy blush staining her cheeks.

"Hey Jacob," she said her voice full of sunshine and happiness; "Leah is letting me borrow her camera and has promised me she is going to help me make all of these videos so I hope they work. This was all really her idea so tell her thank you for me; I never would have thought of it myself. I'm a bit nervous talking to a camera so you better not be laughing at me." I started up at the TV unable to tear my eyes away. The world could have gone up in flames around me and I doubt I would have noticed. I could hear my breath coming in fast little pants like I was hyperventilating.

"So it's our wedding day. Gosh I never thought I would be saying that at twenty three," Bella said with a laugh and I closed my eyes when she did. Her laugh was amazing; it sent shivers down my spine. The ache in my chest didn't burn so bad now. It was as if her laughter had chased some of my pain away. I opened my eyes to her smiling face when she started to speak again.

"You are waiting out there for me and even though I never thought we would get married this young I always knew it would be you I would marry. I can't wait to get up there and become your wife Jake. You make me so happy and I hope I can give you some of that happiness in return. I love you so much Jacob."

Bella smiled and blew a kiss to the camera. The screen fuzzed for a second before Bella came back onto the screen. The background was different now. I immediately recognized our hotel balcony from our honeymoon, where we had made love that cold night. The camera was shaky and I guessed she was holding it out in her hand.

"Hey Jake. You have run down to the lobby so I have to be quick so you don't catch me," she giggled with a sneaky grin, "I am loving all of this time with you on our honeymoon. I loved it when went to that restaurant the other day and they called me Mrs. Black. I love you so much Jake and…oh crap I think your coming back! I love you Jake!" Bella blew another kiss at the camera with a huge grin on her face before the screen crackled again.

The next time she appeared she was in our bedroom, cross legged in the middle our bed. I raised myself up on my knees, my fingers tracing her beautiful face through the TV screen. She smiled and waved at me and this time her hair was gone and the hard bump was protruding from her belly.

"Hey Jacob. I can't believe I am five months pregnant already," Bella sighed happily, her fingers running over her belly. The picture of Sarah waving was already on the wall behind our bed. It hurt to see that room, even though it was an old image of it. I focused solely on Bella, on her glowing face and smiling eyes.

"You have been so supportive and I know you are going to be such a good father to our little girl. I can't wait to be a family with you Jacob. I'm looking forward to Christmases together and birthday parties," Bella broke off with a sad smile and glanced out of the big window on her side of the bed, "but if I'm not there for many I know you will still make them special for her. I know you will look after her for me." Bella looked back to the camera and her face was full of love.

"Jacob I love you," she said again. I felt my heart clench and the tears that had started falling when I first saw the birthday cards for Sarah were still making tracks down my cheeks. I didn't bother to wipe them away any more I just let them fall.

"I love you too Bells," I whispered as the screen flickered again. This time she was in Sarah's nursery, sitting in her old rocking chair with Sarah in her lap. She had a photo in her hand and a bottle in the other, feeding Sarah while rocking gently.

"Hi Jake," Bella said softly so as to not disturb Sarah. She was looking sicker now, her cheek bones sharp and pointy but she was still smiling, still beautiful. I swallowed hard my fingers still tracing the screen, touching the glass as if I could reach through it and touch her. She looked down at the photo with a smile and turned it around so I could see it too. It was the one of us fishing, the one she had put into the photo album.

"I remember when this was taken. You were holding me so I wouldn't be scared of the fish when Charlie and Billy reeled them in. It helped you know. I'm never scared when I'm in your arms Jacob," she whispered, looking down at the photo again with a little smile. She chuckled and looked back up at the camera.

"I'm sorry for letting Leah embarrass you like that. You're off on patrol just now and I suspect you're going to be in a very bad mood when you get back, but it was the only way I could think off to get you out of the house earlier today. You're so hot headed sometimes but I love that about you." Bella grinned at me and Sarah finished her bottle on screen. Bella expertly moved Sarah to her chest, placing a little cloth on her shoulder and patting her back gently.

"You are so good with her," she whispered, still grinning at me, "when I found you singing to her I swear I felt my heart swell. You are such a good father and she's blessed to have you as a dad. I know you'll always be there for her and will always protect her." Her smiled dropped away and she sighed.

"I'm worried about you though Jake," she confessed her features frowning into her over thinking face, "I'm scared about what you will be like after I go. I don't want you to be sad and I don't want you to suffer. Don't let my leaving pull you down. I always thought of you as being like your own sun; don't let me leaving ruin that. Be happy, fall in love again. Live your life and don't let memories of me hold you back. I only want you to be happy Jacob. You deserve it. I love you Jake."

The screen flickered again and my heart raced. I was scared it was over, scared there was no more. It took longer than usual for the next images to appear. Bella was much sicker now. These images couldn't be more than two weeks old. She was in the back yard and it was all decked out for Sarah's birthday party.

"Hey Jake. You've gone to pick up Billy so I thought I'd squeeze another quick video in while I could. I can't believe I've made it to Sarah's first birthday. You said I would but I was so scared I wouldn't," Bella's voice was weaker than any of the other recordings and her face was so thin it was frightening. When we had lived through this the procession of her illness had been slow and you sort of got used to it. But seeing her going from so healthy and energetic on our wedding day to frail and pained from less than a fortnight ago in the space of ten minutes made it hit home just how much she had suffered in her fight.

"I love you Jacob. I love you more than you will ever know. You have made me happier than I can ever tell you. I chose right all those years ago. You are my true soul mate Jake," Bella continued, smiling at me as always, "I love you Jacob."

The screen flickered and then her smiling face was gone, just a blue screen in its place. I stared at it unable to believe it was over. The DVD player ejected the disc. I started at it for a long moment before reaching out for it. I carefully returned it to the plastic case and snapped it shut. I hugged it to my chest. The ache there had lessened; the pain of her loss was not so strong. Bella always knew how to fix something. She always knew what the right thing to do was.

I didn't play the DVD again even though I desperately wanted to. I would save this, save it for desperate times when I couldn't stand it another second longer. A weight was lifted from my shoulders. Bella had ensured that I would never forget her voice or the way she smiled. I though on what she had said about wanting me to be happy. I didn't know if I was happy now but I was definitely less miserable.

I heard a cry through the baby monitor and looked over my shoulder at it. I set the DVD down on the table and thought to myself that I had to thank Leah for helping Bella organize this. I finally knew what all of those looks had been about.

"Dada," Sarah hollered down the baby monitor and I hurried away from the den. I stepped into her room and scooped her out of her cot. She clung to me, big wet tears escaping and streaking down her face. I wiped them away gently, before wiping my own wet face with a hot hand.

"It's ok Sarah, Daddy's here," I told her, rocking from side to side. I kissed her cubby cheek and slowly walked out of the room with her. She was still hiccupping big wet sobs. I was planning to make my way back to the den when the door handle to the bedroom glinted in the late afternoon light. I stopped outside our bedroom. I waited for the feeling of dread to come rushing back like it had whenever I had been near this room in the past week but it didn't. Maybe I was ready.

I held Sarah a little tighter; still telling her it was ok and that I would look after her as I gripped the handle to our room. I took a deep breath, steeling myself, and slowly turned the handle, pushing the white door open. I left it fall open but didn't step in right away. It looked exactly the same as the last time I had been in here with Bella and Sarah.

The ache in my chest burned but not as strongly as before and after a moment I stepped inside the room. I shushed Sarah gently as I looked around. Bella was everywhere. Her scent invaded my nostrils from the neatly made bed. Her jewelry glinted from the open jewel box on the bureau. The book she had been reading was still on her side of the bed, the spine cracked and it rested flat and open on the table, holding her place forever.

I took another step forward to the bed that had haunted me. The bed she had died in. I sat down on it and after a moment I curled onto my side, swinging my feet up onto the bed. I lay on my side and held Sarah to my chest. She was no longer screaming and her eyes were closed but tears still leaked down her face. Tears were falling down mine as well. I rested my head on the pillow and glanced over at Bella's empty side. I closed my eyes and held Sarah tighter, breathing in Bella all around me.

I lay there holding my daughter in my arms, making sure she was safe. Sarah's breathing slowly evened out and she fell back into sleep, snuggling into my body. I loved Sarah so much and her being there was such a comfort to me. I kissed her head gently. The aching burn in my chest was vicious but I was able to think around it now. It no longer consumed me.

"I love you Bella," I whispered into the pillow as I felt my body relax for the first time since she had died. Buried in her scent, with our daughter in my chest I slowly drifted off to sleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

><p>The ache in my chest was always there, some days worse than others. Life without Bella was agonizingly hard. Sometimes I though I saw her in the most random of places. Like last week when I was doing the grocery shopping with Sarah. I had been looking at milk trying to decide which of the twenty different types to buy (why is there more than one kind anyway?) when a woman with ivory skin and deep brown hair walked past in my side vision. When I turned she was gone and I walked around that shop at least five times but I didn't see her again. My heart had burned the whole way home after that.<p>

Another time I was driving past Fork's High, which was painful at the best of times anyway, when I was sure I saw Bella step out from the side walk onto the side of the road, waving me down. I had slammed on the breaks, skidding the Rabbit a little; glancing around warily for the short pale figure I was sure I had seen. She was no where to be found. It wasn't until the cars behind starting honking at me before I stopped my frantic search for her and managed to calm down enough to drive away.

But some days I could make it to lunch time or early evening with out remembering Bella with just dull throbbing around in my chest. This was a good thing while it lasted but was terrifying when it ended. Because when I realized I had been walking around and had forgotten her, the pain in my chest was at its worst. It almost crippled me, my breath coming fast, my heart racing and my vision blurry. It was always after I forgot her that I needed to watch the DVD again. I had promised myself I wouldn't forget her.

But as the months drew on it became the case more often than not to forget her, until I was sure I had seen her out of the corner of my eye and the pain came flooding back. But I was distracted a lot too. Just like my dad and Leah had promised I wasn't alone. Emily looked after Sarah when I was at work and invited me round for dinner often. Dad was around a lot more too. Even Rebecca had come back to La Push from Hawaii for a week and just hung out with me. Rachael had come over too with Paul and their little boy, who slept the whole time and looked just like Mom. And Leah was more of a friend than ever, although we still were not doing Wednesday lunches.

Some of the worst times were when I was phased. The guys would try to hide what they were feeling but its hard when everyone heard every fleeting, meaningless thought. And under every under current of any conversation there was uneasiness. No one wanted to bring up Bella and I didn't want to hear them tell me they were sorry about what had happened. But every now and again a thought of sympathy would slip out. The guys would tread around such thoughts warily out of respect to me and I would ignore it. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

After that first night of sleeping in our bed with Sarah I hadn't been able to stomach going back into the room. Even after reading her words and watching her video I still couldn't get back into that bed. I had moved my small bed from my father's house not long after that and set it up in Sarah's nursery. It was cramped and I was far too big for the tiny single mattress but I was much more comfortable.

I had given the DVD that Bella had made for Charlie to him the day after I had watched mine. I drove down in Bella's truck and left it at his house. I couldn't stand to see it on the curb everyday. I didn't stay with him when he watched it but he came over the next day with a six pack. We didn't say much just sat in front of the TV and drank. Just as he was getting up to leave he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently.

"Thank you Jake," he mumbled his voice thick and heavy and I nodded at him. He asked for Leah's number so he could thank her too. I scribbled it down on the back of a receipt and he shoved it in his pocket. He gave me one more look, his face expressionless, before turning away with a sigh.

Slowly I started to pack Bella away. It was just little things at first like, removing her body wash from the shower and taking away the books that were lying around when I found them. I eventually moved onto bigger things like folding the clothing from the hamper up and placing it carefully into bags which I kept in the garage. But every now and then I would find something special and add it to the treasure chest she had left me. Her favorite necklace went into the chest as well as her tattered copy of Romeo and Juliet. And old picture of us I found in a drawer from my prom had gone in as well.

Sarah grew bigger and bigger each day. She was back to her smiling and happy self most of the time. She had learnt new words and her favorite one was 'mine'. She always snuggled into me when I held her and I loved her so much that sometimes, when I was just concentrating on her, she erased the burning aching of Bella and replaced it with the warmth and love of Sarah. But every now and again she would look at me in a way that was so much like Bella that I felt like I was choking. It was worst when she was in a bad mood. She would stare at me sadly and ask for Mama over and over again. It had pushed me over the edge the other day.

I was trying to get her fed as fast as possible. I had to get her to Emily's place and I was already late for work. I was really starting to resent working at Dowling's because every time I came home oil stained it would remind me of Bella lying in our bed, gasping for breath. I let loose frustrated sigh as Sarah spat out her breakfast.

"Come on Sarah. Please just eat," I moaned, wiping her mouth with her bib.

"No," she said with authority. No was another favorite of her new words. I scooped up another spoonful of soggy cereal and held it to her mouth. She squirmed away, pushing the spoon from her face with a small hand.

"Mama!" Sarah wailed at me with big tears falling down her face as I tried again. Sarah's hands pushed me away once more and I couldn't control my frustration. I dropped the spoon into the bowl and cereal splattered all over the high chair counter.

"Mama's not here Sarah! I can't do anything about it, just eat dammit!" I growled at her. Sarah stopped crying and looked at me with wide, frightened eyes. I realized how loudly I had yelled and watched as Sarah's face screwed up again and her cries were even louder.

"Mama!" I felt so guilty looking at my daughter's frightened face. I had scared her; I had never scared her before. I stood up quickly, shoving the uneaten breakfast aside.

"Sarah I'm sorry," I said gently as I pulled her out of her chair. I tried to cuddle her to my chest but she pushed away from me with her little arms. It broke my heart. I had gotten her to Emily's but she had sobbed and hiccupped the whole way there.

But on the days that she smiled at me and pulled on my hair whispering 'Dada' in my ear were the best days. Her happy smiling face always dulled the burning ache in my heart and I loved her even more for it. But watching her smile and giggle as she raced around our house on short legs made me feel just a little uneasy.

I would always remember Bella's words at moments like these, when Sarah's face was full of light. _Live your life and don't let memories of me hold you back. I only want you to be happy Jacob_, she had told me. I wasn't as miserable as I had been in the first few weeks after she had gone, but was I happy now? Watching Sarah laughing and playing I knew that she was happy. But was I?

I still burned for Bella. I still felt alone when not surrounded by the pack or family. There was still a space in my life that wasn't filled, a Bella shaped space. And I wasn't sure I wanted to fill it with something or someone else that wasn't Bella. I was scared that if I did it would mean that some how I would love Bella less. I wasn't as distraught as I had been but I wasn't happy either. Not yet.

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><p>I cleaned the dishes quickly, glancing over at Sarah in her playpen every ten seconds or so. She was bashing away at one of those xylophone things and loving every second of it. I thought perhaps it was a little too young for her but it was her favorite toy and I couldn't bring myself to take it away from her. She caught me looking at her and waved at me. I gave her a small smile and waved a soapy hand back and she giggled, smashing the xylophone again with the wooden mallet.<p>

I placed the dishes on the drying rack and made my way out of the kitchen and into the den making sure to ignore the big calendar hanging on the wall. I didn't need the calendar to tell me what the date was. I knew what it was, everyone knew what it was and everyone had been trying to call me. I had eventually ripped the phone cord out of the wall to stop it ringing.

Sarah had turned two eight days ago. We had had a party but not in the back yard. Emily had let me set it up at her house and I was grateful. I had been dreading today. It was on this day that exactly one year ago Bella had died in the small bedroom just a few feet down the hallway from where I now stood.

I had managed to make it back into that room and sleep in there but I was plagued by nightmares or soft skin and ragged breath. Even the old nightmares of the car crash had come back for awhile. The nightmares had gotten worse two weeks ago when I realized what the date was. I had moved back into Sarah's nursery again, but it didn't feel permanent like it did before. But I couldn't be in that room today.

"Up!" Sarah commanded with a laugh and I reached down tucking her into my body. Her little hand rested on my cheek and she smiled at me. I smoothed down her wild black hair and smiled back, although it felt a little forced. My stomach was full of butterflies and I kept licking my lips nervously.

"Are you ready Sarah?" I asked her, grabbing the black bag of supplies off the dinning room table and slinging it over my shoulder.

"Sarah ready," she told me, as I snatched up my keys. I carried her out to the garage and opened the back door. I put her in her car seat and she pulled on my chin length hair as I did up the buckles.

I got in the front and took ten full seconds to just breathe. I felt nervous and I knew that this would be hard. If I hadn't had the gut feeling that I had to do this, I wouldn't be. But something was telling me I had to. This was basically asking for pain. I glanced in the rearview mirror at Sarah. She was babbling to herself and looking out the window, her face excited. She loved going for rides in the car. I was convinced she would grow up to love cars as much as I did.

I started the engine and backed out of the garage. I didn't turn on the radio for the short trip, just listened to Sarah talk. Every now and again she would say 'Daddy' and I would glance up at her through the mirror with worry. But she was always fine, always smiling.

I pulled into the gravel car park and killed the engine. The sky was grey today; a huge storm was brewing off the coast. I pulled the keys out of the ignition and swallowed hard against the heat in my throat. I hadn't been here in a year, and I didn't want to be here now but that feeling was still pressing at me.

I got out of the car slowly and pulled open the back door. Sarah's smile was gone almost as if she realized where we were. She watched me as I undid the buckles to her chair. She reached out, touching my face gently. I looked up into her eyes that were so like Bella's.

"Miss Mama," she told me softly. I felt my breath catch and unclasped the last buckle quickly, pulling her into me again. She pressed her little face into my neck, her small hands clutching my shoulders.

"I know sweetie," I whispered, holding her tight "we are going to see Mama."

I locked the car and made my way down the green grass, walking around the heavy line of trees until the rows of headstones came into view. My heart thrummed wildly in my chest as the white one that I had only seen once but was burned into my memory jumped out at me.

I slowed right down as I made my way up to the row of head stones. I stopped in front of hers and Sarah twisted around in my arms to see why we had stopped. She looked back at me and I sat down on the grass like I had last time.

"Mama?" Sarah asked me and I nodded at her. She turned in my arms looking at the white stone. I knew she was young but I couldn't help but to wonder if she some how knew her mother was only a few feet away from her.

Sarah wiggled out of my grip and I let her crawl out of my lap. She took a small step before squatting down on the ground next to me and pulled up a little handful of green grass that covered Bella's grave. She looked at it in her hand before holding it out to me. I held out my hand and she put the grass in my palm.

"Mama," she said again and I nodded at her. Sarah sighed and sat down on her bottom next to me. I wrapped a big hand around her shoulders and held her to my thigh. We didn't move for a long time. Sarah started to doze off so I pulled her into my lap again to keep her warm. I couldn't help but to remember the fight I had had with the blood sucker the last time I was here. I had never seen Cullen again after that night.

I traced Bella's name with my eyes as I had done before. The last few days her words had been haunting me. She wanted me to be happy and I wasn't sure I could be without her. The ache was still in my heart and I was starting to think it would never go away.

But at the same time I was glad the hurt was still there. I didn't want to lose Bella anymore than I already had. I didn't want to say good bye to her, to our memories and how I feel for her. I was still scared that if I became happy I would love Bella less somehow. It was almost as if the continual grieving for the loss of her was the only way I could show I still loved her.

When Bella had been in my life the world felt full of possibilities. I felt like there was nothing we could accomplish together. She would always support me and I her. But after she had passed my life left bleak. I had my friends and family but it wasn't the same. There was no one there breathing next to me at night or a loving hand holding mind when I walked down the street. The gap that Bella had left behind was monumental. And I had no idea how to fill it.

I had loved Bella for almost every moment of my life that I could remember. She was the only girl I saw when I lay in my bed as a teenager, wishing she was mine. She was always in my thoughts when I was growing up, hoping she would visit Charlie each year so I might see her. She was my other half. I didn't want to replace her; I didn't think I could even if I wanted to. How could I find another Bella?

I closed my eyes so her name wouldn't stab at me any more. I didn't want another Bella, I wanted my Bella. I felt hot tears prick my eyes and I wiped them away quickly. I opened my eyes, looking away from the head stone, blinking rapidly.

Even now when I was technically able to function without her in relative calm little things would set me off. I would see a woman in purple and remember it was her favorite color. I would find an old shirt of hers and remember what we had been doing when I had seen her wear it last. Even though most of Bella's things were packed away now or given to family and friends who wanted something of hers it didn't take much to remind me of her and set off the throbbing in my heart.

I felt Sarah shift and I glanced down at her in my arms. She was sleeping soundly, her little chest rising and falling evenly. I watched the wind play with her silky hair and marveled at how long her eyelashes were. I gently touched her little face, my little piece of Bella that was still here.

That last thought struck my suddenly. Sarah was part of me but she was part of Bella too. Maybe I didn't have to replace Bella to be happy like Bella had wanted. Maybe I already had the piece of Bella that was missing from my life in Sarah. The thought made my chest throb again but I thought it over for a moment. Sarah was remarkably like Bella.

She held her self in the same way and their laughter was identical. She was shy and quiet until she got to know someone, always hiding her face in my shoulder when ever we met someone new. She blushed all the time although her darker skin did make it less obvious. But there were sometimes when Sarah would look at me and it would take the breath out of my lungs by just how much she reminded me of her mother.

So maybe I had it wrong. Maybe Bella had got it wrong too in saying I needed to fall in love with someone else to move on from her. Maybe I was supposed to fill the Bella shaped hole in my life with the Bella that was there in our daughter. Sarah was what would make me complete. Sarah could make the ache go away when she laughed and smiled. Wasn't that proof that she should be how I showed my love for Bella? By loving Sarah and by making her happy? I clutched Sarah to my chest and she woke with a start. She wrapped her arms round my neck.

"Daddy," she mumbled into my skin. I kissed her little face, pressed my lips to her forehead.

"I love you Sarah," I told her, pulling back and looking down at her face. She smiled at me and touched my cheeks again. I couldn't describe the feeling of absolute love I felt for my little girl. It was overwhelming. It was similar to the loved I had for Bella, but different. I had fallen in love with Bella when I met her. I had loved Sarah since before she had even been born.

"Love," she echoed and I smiled with her. I stood up and glanced down at Bella's headstone. Her name didn't pain me like it had only a few minutes ago. I rested my cheek against Sarah's head listening to her heart. It was strong and steady and reassuring. I didn't know for sure if this would work but if felt right. The gut feeling that I had had for the last three days to come here eased off.

As I shifted Sarah the grass she had pulled from Bella's grave and gave to me fell from my hand. I watched the wind snatch up he little green blades, tossing them about the cemetery. The hollow, lonely feeling that had been my constant companion since the day Bella died began to ebb a little. My shoulders felt less weighed down, my heart a little less heavy. Maybe I had found a way to love Bella and still move on. Maybe I wouldn't have to say goodbye to Bella, I could just keep loving her, only in a different way.

I felt my body relax suddenly and I hadn't realized how tense I had been. Had I been this way for a year? It seemed likely. Sarah pushed away from my chest and gazed up at me. I traced her straight nose with a finger. I caught a movement in the corner of my eye glanced toward the thick trees of the surrounding forest.

I saw a glimpse of white fabric, the shimmer of brown hair that flashed red in the sun. I turned my face from it and kissed Sarah's head again. The ache in my chest was gone. I felt the whisper of cool hands on my arms, the remembered sweet scent of her skin.

"_Be happy_," she breathed in my ear, her voice so soft and so sweet.

"I will be Bells," I whispered back, "I will be."

I turned from her grave, holding our daughter in my arms and with every step I felt lighter, I felt happier. I was ready now. I could let Bella go. I stepped into my future, wounded but no longer bleeding, uncertain but no longer frightened, a widower but not alone, and decided to live for our daughter on a Saturday.


	10. Epilogue

**Epilogue **

**A/N: **No! I don't want this to end! I had so much fun writing this whole story. Thank you to all of you who have shown me such support with my first story. I appreciate it more than I can put into words. It's because of you guys that I finished this, that I poured my heart into it so thank you. The only reason I begun this story is because of one of my favourite songs that inspired me to write. It's called Wish That Home Were Here by Sam Hart. I love it so much that I even lifted a line almost directly from the song into the story. You can hear it here if you wish: .com/watch?v=QgJG7aYkiYw

There is one more little segment to come. A one shot from Charlies POV and that should be up soon. It would be up now but I got distracted by the Summer in La Push One Shot contest on Jacob Black n Pack and had to write something for it. If you're interested you can check it out here: .com/group/forum/topics/incandescence-1

I am going to start another story very soon.. I will let you guys know more about the upcoming story in the near future I promise :)

Well this is it. I hope you enjoy it.

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><p>The heavy bass shook the car frame, making the windows rattle. I held the glass bottle to my lips and swallowed a mouthful of the burning liquid. Hands roamed over my back, fingers fluttering at the skin just above the top of my jeans. With sudden courage those hands moved south, gripping my ass. I giggled and screwed the cap back on the bottle.<p>

"Brighton," I tried to scold but it came out as more of a breathy moan as he pressed his lips to my neck. I ran my fingers through his sandy blonde hair. The neon sign of Brighton's dad's business, Newton's Outfitters, flickered across the parking lot and it made shadows dance in the small space of Brighton's car. His lips moved lower, tracing my collarbone. I straddled him a little harder, the steering wheel pushing into my lower back uncomfortably.

I was so glad I had managed to talk my way out of the bonfire tonight. Brighton and I were at a very important turning point in our relationship. I was fairly certain that he was my boyfriend. Four make out sessions and an accidently-on-purpose boob grab means he was my boyfriend right? I rolled my hips forward into his and grabbed the bottle of amber liquid again. I needed a little bit more courage before asked Brighton just where we stood. He pulled back and watched me swallow the last of the fiery alcohol.

I dropped the empty bottle to the floor and leaned down, my long black hair hiding the rest of the world as I kissed him. His mouth was strong and sweet and tasted like bourbon too. I probably should have been annoyed that he was drinking seeing as he had to drive me home, but his hands on my hips, tracing little circles into the exposed flesh there, quickly made all thoughts of drunk driving flee from my mind. My hands crept down his chest and slipped under his shirt pulling it up. Brighton stiffened.

"Sarah," he gasped as I dropped my head down to his now exposed chest, placing little kisses along the bare skin. We had never gone this far before now. Sure Brighton and I had made out but it had never really gotten this heavy until now. His hands ran through my long hair and my fingers traced their way down his stomach. Maybe I had had too much liquid courage.

"Sarah, we should stop," he whispered in my ear, grabbing my wrist before it could even touch the top button of his jeans.

"I don't want to stop," I told him, reaching for his pants with my other hand.

"I mean it Sarah," he said a little stronger, pulling my hands away from his jeans.

"Why?" I asked, kissing my way along his neck. I felt him shudder and smiled against his salty skin.

"Because your Dad would kill me if he knew what we were doing," he whispered into my ear.

"Well it's not like I'm going to tell him. Besides he doesn't even know where I am, he won't catch us," I told him my mind going back to the time Dad had burst into my room and almost caught me and Brighton kissing. I think he knew though because the way he glared at Brighton I swear he wanted to kill him. Or at least beat the crap out of him. I pressed my mouth back to the skin of Brighton's neck.

"Sarah I really think we should stop," he said again pushing on my shoulder's gently. I scowled at him in the semi-darkness that was lit up every few seconds by the neon sign.

"Are you serious?" I moaned in frustration.

"Hey have you not seen your Dad? The guy is huge and I like the way my face is arranged at the moment. If he finds out I've been defiling his daughter by making out in cars and what not-" I felt myself blush at the what not, "-he would most certainly kill me," Brighton scoffed. I sighed and untangled myself from his lap and struggled into the passenger seat. My head spun from the alcohol.

"Fine just take me home," I mumbled with a frown.

"Hey don't be like that," Brighton sighed, reaching over and touching my cheek. He leaned across the gear shift and kissed me gently, sweetly.

"Sorry," I apologised against his mouth. He smiled at me before sitting back. He twisted the key and the car purred to life. I mashed my finger into the window button, cold air slapping me in the face. Brighton rubbed his hand on the steamed up glass, trying to create a little window to see through. He dropped his hand onto my knee.

I didn't bother with my seat belt and glanced out of my window. I saw a flicker of white and then a boy appeared next to an old graffiti covered telephone box. The light from the street lamp fell across his face and I felt my breath catch in my throat. Brighton was hot; there was no doubt about it. He was athletic and easy going with his sunny blonde hair and clear blue eyes. And he had a killer car which only sweetened the deal. But this boy, this stranger, was beautiful. He was beautiful in a way that seemed out of this world, supernatural almost. And he was looking right at me.

Time seemed to slow as I took in his features. His face was dazzling with high cheekbones and a perfect mouth, even though it was pressed into a firm, disapproving line. His hair glinted bronze in the street light and his skin was so pale I doubted whether it had ever seen the sun. I felt the car move and I tore my eyes away from the beautiful boy.

"Stop!" I cried out and Brighton slammed on the breaks. I flew forward, my hands stopping me from smashing my face into the dashboard.

"What? What is it?" he asked, his voice high, panicking.

"Just stay here a second ok?" I told him, my fingers finding the door latch. I pushed it open and the freezing air of the night flooded into the heated car. I shivered in my tank top.

"Where are you going?" Brighton asked, reaching over the gear shift again and grabbing my hand.

"I just saw someone I knew. I want to say hi," I mumbled, trying to force myself not to blush as I lied right to his face. Brighton glanced behind me.

"You know that guy?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yeah, can you just wait here ok?" I asked him, ripping my hand out of his. I didn't wait for a reply as I kicked the door shut with my foot. I turned and made my way across the parking lot. The stranger hadn't moved an inch, his eyes still on me.

I don't know why I felt so drawn to him, this beautiful boy standing next to a grubby public phone, but I felt like I couldn't control myself as my feet took me closer. I stopped right in front of him, my mouth dropping open.

He was even more stunning close up. His skin seemed to glow and his eyes were coal black. The circles under his eyes were so dark it almost seemed like they were bruised. He moved then, taking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly, his eyes closing. His breath was cold and seemed to seep into my skin. He smelt wonderful. I couldn't describe how delicious he smelt. I stepped even closer to him. There was barely any space between us. His eyes opened.

One of those pale hands came up and gently touched my face. I gasped at just how cold it was. It felt like his hand had been thrust into a bucket of ice for hours. His fingers gently traced my cheek, barely touching the skin, but touching it just enough that I could feel how hard and smooth his fingers were.

"You have her eyes," he murmured and his voice was like that of a fallen angel, heart breaking with sadness but wonderfully beautiful at the same time. It seemed like he sang even though he whispered. His hand was in my hair now, his perfect face just inches from mine.

"Bella," he whispered before lips, as cold as his hands touched themselves to mine. I gasped at the cold but at the same time heat flooded me. This beautiful boy, this handsome stranger, was kissing me. I pressed myself to his icy chest. His other hand wrapped around my hip, holding me to him with bruising force. I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in his beauty, his addictive scent, his perfect cold lips. I didn't want it to end. My hands fisted themselves into the front of his shirt, pulling myself even closer to him. The cold burned me deliciously.

I felt a hot hand on my shoulder forcing me away from the frozen lips and fingers. I was momentarily stunned as I stumbled back from the fallen angel in front of me, his face so sad and so broken. I glanced up at Brighton. It was him who had pulled me away from the beautiful boy. I felt even more out of it but whether it was from the alcohol or the kiss I wasn't sure. The world was spinning now along with my head.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Brighton's voice was loud and angry. It echoed across the car park. The angel smiled at him.

"I am sorry," he whispered in that perfect voice. His stone cold hand smoothed down the front of his jacket where my fingers hand clung to him. I watched his hand touching the fabric. I shook my head trying to clear it. Brighton was yelling at the boy still but my eyes were locked on his hand.

The wrist was covered in a hideous scar, jagged and ugly looking. It shocked me that this stunning creature could have any kind of a mark on him, marring his perfection. My mouth dropped open as his hand moved and I saw that the scar went all the way around. It was almost like something had ripped the hand from the boy's arm. I could see teeth marks near the jagged skin. I stumbled backward again, nausea growing in my belly. You couldn't reattach a hand that was mangled by an animal like that and only an animal could have caused that kind of damage.

The beautiful boy's eyes were on me now and he covered the disturbing marks, reaching out to touch me. I recoiled away from those cold hands. He seemed different now. He was no longer beautiful; there was something wrong about him. Something dark. I grabbed Brighton's hand.

"Sarah," the once beautiful boy whispered. I felt horror flow down my veins. How did he know my name? His face was twisted and hard, his eyes seemed to be on fire.

"Let's go Brighton," I whispered, turning from the burning angel. I pulled Brighton away, who was still ripping into the boy, toward the still running car. I scrambled into the passenger side and Brighton revved the engine loudly before screeching out of the parking lot. I glanced back at the pay phone but the boy was gone now. I licked my lips; I could still taste his sweetness there, like it had branded me. I shivered again.

"Sarah what the hell was that?" Brighton roared at me as we made our way down the twisting road that lead to La Push.

"I don't know," I whispered. I could still feel those cold hands on my face. I could still see that horrendous scar. I had no idea what had just happened. And what frightened me the most was that even though the boy had scared me I had liked kissing him. I wanted to kiss him again. Brighton was still questioning me angrily as we pulled up outside the little house at the back of the reservation that I had always called home. The lights were all on. I felt drained suddenly and all I wanted was to go to bed.

"I'm sorry Brighton," I mumbled as I got out of the car in a daze. My world tilted as I shut the car door.

"Sarah do you want me to come in. I mean we should talk about this," he said his hands gripping the steering wheel tight. I must have looked like crap if Brighton was offering that. He really was scared of my Dad. I shook my head.

"I'll be ok, I'll call you tomorrow," I told him. Brighton reached over and grabbed my hand again.

"Are you sure? I mean that guy pretty much forced himself on you," he said in a low voice. I felt my eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Is that what it looked like? All I could remember was never wanting that cold mouth to stop its assault on me, those cold hands to never stop touching me. I shuddered as the image of that scarred flesh as it flashed in my mind.

"I'm fine," I said as reassuringly as I could. Brighton looked like he didn't believed me but told him again that I would call him as I zipped up my hoddie and turned away from the car. I heard the gravel kick up as he pulled away from the house. For a moment I was in darkness and I swore I saw a flash of white from the trees. My stomach lurched and I quickly launched myself up the steps and into my house.

It was packed. Dad had brought the bonfire back here obviously. People I knew from my whole life were in my kitchen and living room. Dad was standing next to my Uncle Embry in the den. He looked up at me with a smile. I smiled back and tried to weave my way to my room before I was stopped.

"Sarah, how was the studying session?" Dad asked appearing in front of me. Embry had followed him too and Quil looked up at us from the couch. I scowled at Dad. I didn't want to deal with him just now I just wanted to go to my room.

"It was fine Dad," I snapped and tried to force my way past him. Dad's face crinkled with concern.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asked me gently. I could barely hear him over the noise of the television and the chatter of voices. He reached out to me and images of white scarred hands invaded my mind. I jerked away from him, the nausea rolling back into my stomach.

"Don't touch me," I shrieked at him. The party fell silent. The concern in my father's dark eyes turned suspicious. Dad stepped toward me but all I could think was to get out of here. I turned toward the front door. I needed to get out, I couldn't breathe! For what felt like the millionth time that evening a hand reached out, grabbing my arm, forcing me to face the gathering of people. Dad was mad now, his brows coming together like they always did when he was pissed at me.

"Having you been drinking Sarah Black?" Dad asked his hand tight on my arm. I wanted out of here, now. I felt myself shaking, burning with anger and hatred. What right did he have to keep me here? I shoved at Dad, trying to free my arm. His hand felt cold to me too. _No more cold hands, no more scarred hands_, my mind pleaded.

"So what if I have? What's it to you?" I roared. I couldn't ever remember feeling so angry. In that moment I hated my father for keeping me here. I needed out and he wouldn't let me. Someone had turned the television off and the only sounds were my ragged breath. The expression on Dad's face grew even darker. He leant closer to me, nostrils flaring and I pulled my face away from him. I tried to cover it with my hair but Dad's other hand snaked out and grabbed a hold of my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"Who have you been with tonight?" he growled at me. His hand on his arm was gripping me so tight it was starting to hurt. I bit my lip, the sweet taste of the horrid angel still staining my mouth.

"None of your business," I seethed, trying unsuccessfully to pull my face away from him. Dad's expression turned murderous and he towered over me, his long hair free and hanging down the sides of his face. I had never seen him so mad with anybody, especially not me. For a moment I felt frightened. But not enough to reel in the anger that was making my hands shake.

"It is my business; you are my child I have the right to know where you have been and who with!" Dad's voice was so loud it hurt my ears. Embry appeared at his side then, his eyes tight with worry.

"I'm nearly sixteen Dad! I don't need to tell you anything," I yelled so loudly it felt like my throat was on fire. I was trapped, I had to get out of here or I was going to explode. My eyes felt hot and tears fell from them, blurring Dad's face.

"Jake man calm down," Embry said, trying to pull Dad's hand from my arm. It didn't budge.

"Can't you smell that?" Dad hissed, turned to face Embry. Embry shook his head in confusion. Quil appeared then, leaning in close to me as well. I clawed at Dad's fingers, desperate to be free of this room and its tension.

"What?" Quil asked anxiously his face so close to mine I could see the small, nearly invisible freckles that dotted his nose. My vision turned red. I wanted nothing more that to swing out and hurt him for being so close to me.

"She smells like a leech! She smells like Cullen," Dad exploded, turning back to me. I felt another cold hand on my face. I tried to pull away from it but I was still trapped.

"Please no more cold hands," I heard myself moan. There were gasps around the room. My head would not stop spinning, my whole body shook uncontrollably. I was going to throw up.

"She's burning up," Embry hissed, pulling his hand away from my face. I couldn't even feel relived at that. All I could see was my Dad and his face was like the boy's from the car park, so sad but burning at the same time. Heart broken.

"Sarah who were you with tonight?" Dad asked again but I couldn't respond. All I could see was the hurt and anger in his eyes. The hurt in the angel's eyes. _Please, just let me go_, I begged in my mind, _I have to get away from here_.

"Did he hurt you?" Dad pressed me and I felt something inside me snap. I didn't care that he was my father and he loved me or that the room was filled with my family. I wanted to hurt him; it was his fault I was in this situation. If only he had just let me go to my room. I glared at my father, never once moving my eyes from his.

"No Dad he kissed me. And I loved it," I spat in his face and my anger reached its peak. It consumed every part of me. The world disappeared then. There were no more hands holding me, no more hurt and angry eyes. There was just blood. Fur and screams and blood.

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><p><em>The legends are true Sarah<em>, the voice told me. It still sounded like my Dad but it couldn't be. Trees blurred past me in my effort to run as fast as possible. Another wolf, different from the one that had stopped me before, darted out from the darkness, forcing me to change direction yet again.

_Leave me alone_, I screamed. I wanted out of this nightmare with its disembodied voices and cold stone hands.

_Sarah we won't hurt you_, said a voice that sounded just like Embry. I could see Embry in my mind, holding my hand on first beach when I was little, laughing at me as the surf got me wet.

_You're not Embry_, I yelled at the voice in my head. Another wolf darted out in front of me cutting off my escape. I could feel those cold lips on mine again, the burning sweetness invading my senses. Anger, I could feel anger that wasn't mine, inside my head. I was crazy. I wanted out of this! My Dad's face swam in front of my mind and I felt a yearning I had never felt before. I needed my father; I needed him to tell me everything was going to be ok.

_I want my Dad. Daddy, where are you? _I cried out. I wanted him to hold and stroke my hair me like he did when I was little.

_I'm right here honey_, the voice that sounded so like his whispered through my mind. I came to a stop. My throat burned. I wanted to cry but my head turned sky ward, a long loud howl forcing itself out of my lungs. The russet wolf, so much larger than I was, appeared next to me. It dropped its head, leaning it's forehead to my side. It felt comforting. I leant into the wolf.

_Your ok Sarah, I've got you_, my Dad's voice murmured soothingly and it felt like it came from the wolf next to me. Another howl was torn from my throat as I leant into the wolf at my side. As I leant into my father. I could see the scars again, feel the coldness of his touch.

_His hand, what was wrong with his hand?_ I asked frantically. Memories that weren't mine exploded in my mind's eye._**Burning sweetness sticky in my nose, a metallic screech as the angel's hand was torn from its arm. Anger, uncontrollable anger.**__ I saved her, __**black rage and the overwhelming desire to kill.**__ I saved her_.

_I attacked him years ago_, my Dad's voice interrupted the disturbing images, making them melt away.

_What am I?_ I asked him in a whimper as the howl died in my mouth.

_Werewolf_, he whispered back. I sunk to the floor next to him and he folded himself into my side.

I had gone insane, I was certain. But the wolf next to me put a heavy paw on mine and I let myself go. The other wolves appeared in the trees but I didn't care. I closed my eyes and leant my face into my father's side.

_Werewolf. _

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><p>I sat on the couch staring off into space. I could hear my father moving around in the kitchen and the beeping of the microwave. He cursed under his breath as something hot burned his hand. It was still freaking me out that I could hear his heartbeat and he was in another room. Dad wandered out from the kitchen and placed a bowl of what seemed to be six packets of two minute noodles in front of me. I didn't touch them even though I was starving.<p>

"Sorry Sarah, I was supposed to go grocery shopping yesterday but..." he trailed off. He couldn't go grocery shopping because I hadn't been able to pull myself out of wolf form for four days. Dad had stayed with me the entire time. He sighed and picked up the bowl, shoving it into my hands. I grabbed the fork and placed a small amount in my mouth. The second the noodles hit my tongue I was shovelling the food down. Dad pressed a bottle of water into my hand and I guzzled the two litre bottle in seconds, my breathing laboured.

He didn't speak while I ate and I didn't try to. I was so hungry. I could never remember being so hungry in my life. Dad tried to take the nearly empty bowl out of my hands and I couldn't control the growl that escaped my lips or the shaking of my hands. He backed up, showing me his hands like they do in movies when someone pointed a gun at someone. I scooped up the last of the noodles before dumping it onto the coffee table. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Feel better?" Dad asked me gently. I nodded but didn't look at him. There was still blood on the white rug under the coffee table. When I had phased I had ripped my father's arm open and blood had gone everywhere. The back door was smashed too where I had bolted my way out of the house, desperate to flee.

"I'm sorry for hurting you Dad," I mumbled, my eyes still on the blood stain. I glanced at his arms, they were smooth and without a single mark on them. My gaze was drawn back to the dark red bloodstain.

"It's ok, I know how hard it is to control yourself when you first phase," he said reassuringly.

"Why didn't you tell me about this, you know before?" I asked, tearing my eyes from the bloodstain and to my Dad's face. He smiled at me but it was a sad smile. He reached out slowly, brushing a long strand of my hair from my face. I grimaced knowing I was going to have to cut it off later this evening.

"Only one girl had ever phased before and that was Leah. If you had been a boy I would have expected you to phase, but I didn't even think about it especially since your mother-" he cut himself off, clearing his throat "Especially since you don't have the gene on both sides like Leah did."

"Why do you do that?" I asked him. He had told me all about Mom but he could never say her name. It was always she or her but never Mom or Bella. I glanced up at him and his face was carefully neutral. He didn't respond for such a long time that I gave up on it.

"So that was your first time in ages?" I asked him even though I had caught glimpses of it in his mind during the last four days.

"Yeah, I gave up phasing when you were eight but I was almost as out of control as you were I guess," he explained, looking relived I had changed the subject. I nodded at him and played with the silver fork that was still in my hands.

"And the boy?" I whispered, seeing his pale face in the street light again. It was monstrous to me now instead of beautiful.

"Vampire," Dad murmured, pulling the fork gently from my hand as I gripped the pointy end so hard it cut into my palm. I watched in disbelief as the little cuts disappeared before my eyes. I shook my head, my long hair falling over my shoulders.

"He called me Bella," I told him ignoring the way Dad's eyes tightened with anger or pain I wasn't sure.

"He was in love with her when we were young," Dad explained. I looked at him questionably and he took a deep breath. The room grew steadily darker as he explained about how my Mom had been in love with Edward Cullen, a vampire, but had chosen my father, a werewolf, over Edward instead. The all too familiar nausea crept back.

"How could she be with a vampire?" I asked incredulously.

"How could you kiss a vampire?" Dad shot back and this time I knew it was anger in his eyes. His hands trembled. He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment, and visibly forced himself to calm down.

"It just happened Dad, I swear. I just couldn't stop myself," I told him, my face screwing up as I tried to convey the feeling. I had felt drawn to him like a moth to a flame, like a starving person to food. I gave up, I couldn't explain it. But my new body hated what I had done. That I had allowed something so wrong to touch me in such an intimate way. I shuddered violently.

"Will anyone else phase?" I asked him thinking of Terry, three years older than me and always so sweet and nice.

"If the blood suckers stick around then yes," Dad said softly but it didn't hide the fury in his voice, "But we've checked and they seem to be gone." Dad's hand reached out again, touching my face, wiping away a tear I hadn't even felt fall.

"I hate them. I'm like this because of them," I growled looking into his eyes. It stabbed at my heart that Dad's face was heartbroken again, because of me.

"Trust me Sarah, I never wanted this life for you. I wanted to protect you from it, for you to just be a happy normal teenage girl," he told me, wiping away more tears. I had never seen my father this dejected before. He was normally so happy, always full of smiles for me, willing to listen to anything I had to say.

As long as I could remember it had just been me and him. I had missed having a mother when I was young but Dad had been able to fill that gap becoming both my mother and my father. And I loved him for it. He was always there for me. I wished more than once that he would meet someone though so he could share his smiles with someone more than just me.

Dad did not have a real girlfriend or anything; he never had as far as I knew. His women were only ever in the picture for a little while and none of them were ever really a mother to me. The only constant woman in my Dad's life besides me was Leah. I had kind of hoped something would blossom between them but it never had, at least not while I had been around. I mean he didn't wear his wedding ring anymore, didn't that mean he was ready to move on?

"Dad how come you never moved on with anyone else?" I asked him quietly. Dad and I told each other almost everything but this was one subject that was never brought up, like an unspoken agreement.

"I just haven't found the right person for me yet. But she's out there," he told me, speaking just as quietly as I had.

"You mean like an imprint?" I asked my face screwing up in disgust. I hated the idea of imprinting. I didn't want to imprint and I definitely didn't want my Dad to imprint either.

"No not like that," he said with a chuckle.

"So what about Auntie Leah?" I asked slyly. Dad's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"What about her?" he asked slowly.

"Could she make you happy?"

Dad looked away with a small smile on his face. His fingers came up and twisted into the long ponytail. It was a nervous habit of his that he always did when he didn't want to answer something. He looked down at me and I gave him a little smile that matched his.

"I'm not supposed to give you this until next month but I'm sure she wouldn't mind, considering all that has happened," Dad muttered, leaning forward and yanking the drawers of the coffee table open. He shuffled random objects around until he found a shiny silver disc and a little beaded bag. The disc was an old DVD disc. I hadn't seen one of these since I was a kid. Everything was on microchips now. Dad pushed the disc into my hands. I read the familiar messy writing.

_Happy Sixteenth Birthday Sarah._

My Mom's handwriting. I ran my fingers over my name. Mom had left me cards for every birthday and all of them were the along the same lines_. I love you, I miss you and I hope you are happy. Take care of your father for me._

Dad opened the small bag in his large hands and pulled out a small bracelet. It had a wolf pendant hanging from it, the exact same colour as my skin. As my father's skin as well. He took my wrist gently and snapped the bracelet in place. He passed me a small note and I read it quickly.

_Jacob,_

_Please give this to Sarah when she is old enough. I want her to have something of mine against her skin, something that meant so very much to me. I love you._

_Bella__._

I crushed the note to my chest. The wolf pendant swung on my wrist. This was hers, her bracelet. I didn't really have anything that belonged to my mother. Until now. My heart swelled.

"What is all this?" I asked looking up at Dad.

"I made that pendant for her when we were kids. And she recorded a whole bunch of stuff before she passed for me and you," he told me, opening the plastic case swiftly "I never watched your disc though Sarah. You can watch it here or in your room. I'll leave you alone." Dad shoved the silver disc back into my hands I felt panic well up in me.

"No!" I cried out as he turned away, "Please can you stay with me?"

Dad looked at me funny before pulling the disc from my fingers. He fiddled with the ancient DVD player that he had insisted on keeping and now I knew why. He shoved the disc in the machine and snatched up the remote. I watched him step over the coffee table and sit down next to me.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his fingers back in his hair, twisting it. I nodded and moved closer to him. Dad let me slide under his arm and I curled into his side. I hadn't sat with him like this since I was young. The screen flickered a bright blue before a pink nursery came to life on the screen. The picture was fuzzy to my eyes. I was used to the high digital quality of recording devices available now, not the grainy ones of sixteen years ago.

I recognized the room immediately. It was my room to this day only the pink walls were white now and there was a bed where the crib used to be. I still had my mother's old rocking chair in there though.

I knew the pale woman on the screen was my mother. I had seen photos of her before. I had found an old chest under my Dad's bed once while he was at work and I was home from school. It was full of pictures of her, little bits and pieces of my mother stored away in a wooden chest. His wedding ring had been in there too, wrapped in a purple scarf.

"Hi Sarah, happy birthday," my mother said from the flat screen. I gasped. I had seen her face, read her hand writing but I had never heard her voice. I couldn't remember her voice. But when she spoke then she sounded so much like me it frightened me a little.

Everyone had always said that I looked like my Dad and I agreed. We had the same long hair, the same skin colour. Our straight noses and high cheekbones were identical. But my father had always insisted that I was just like my Mom. Watching her shift in her chair on the screen, the way she smiled at the camera I finally saw what my father had seen all these years. We were so alike, me and my Mom.

"I know that your Dad will have been giving you your cards but I wanted to speak to you, just this once," my mothered continued. She had no hair; the bright purple head scarf from the chest was wrapped around her skull. She was skinny, too skinny. Her arm moved and I saw the flash of gold of her wedding band, the wolf bracelet that was now on my wrist slipped down her arm. My Dad's heartbeat sped up under my ear, his hand stroking my hair just like I had wanted him to do four days ago.

"I know you are all grown up now Sarah and I am sorry I'm not there. I'm sorry I couldn't take you to your first day of school or braid your hair. I'm sorry that I'm not there to stop your father from being way too overly protective when you go on your first date. I'm sorry you had to grow up without a mother," she said gently, tucking her feet under herself. She smiled at the camera and it was my smile.

"But I know your Dad is there for you and that he will make sure you are happy and looked after. I miss you Sarah, I miss you so much. I would have given anything to be there by your side, watching you grow." I felt a hand on my face as Dad brushed away the wetness from my face again. His eyes were bright with unshed tears but he was smiling at me too. We both turned back to the TV as my Mom spoke again.

"I love you Sarah. I know that you will look after your Dad for me and make sure he is happy. I know that you will both be happy together. I love you so much and I hope that all of your dreams come true. You deserve it," Mom whispered, wiping tears from her face as well. I watched her point a little grey remote at the camera. I expected the screen to turn back to the blue one from before but nothing happened. A frown came to her face.

"Uh I hate this stupid thing," she muttered, reaching up toward the camera. Her face turned from anger to shock as she dropped out of the frame with a thump.

"Ow!" her voice yelped from off screen.

"Are you ok honey?" my Dad's voice yelled from somewhere else in the house on screen. Mom scrambled back onto her feet, her face bright red.

"Yeah," she yelled back, rubbing her butt where she had fallen "Just stubbed my toe!" She turned back to the camera her face beet red.

"You better not be laughing at me young lady," Mom threatened but a big smile was on her face. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips. Dad's chest was shaking under my ear and Mom was laughing too. We were all laughing together.

"I love you Sarah," she whispered and blew a kiss. Her smiling flushed face disappeared. I stared at the TV screen for a long time. Dad's hands in my hair never stopped their comforting stroking.

"Do you remember her?" Dad whispered in my ear.

"I don't know. I mean I think I do but I'm not sure," I told him. I closed my eyes trying to concentrate.

"I remember the smell of strawberries and gentle hands. I remember her touching my hair like you are now," I told him opening my eyes slowly.

"She was scared you wouldn't remember her," Dad sighed with relief. I curled closer to him.

"Would she have been scared of me because of what I am? I mean I knew she loved you and knew what you were Dad but still..." I trailed off, not daring to look up into his face. Dad's fingers found their way under my chin like before but this time they were gentle. I could pull away if I wished. I didn't.

"Your mother loved you with all of her heart," he told me, his voice strong and sure, "she knew there was a chance of the werewolf gene being passed down but that didn't stop her. She would have accepted you werewolf or not." His fingers left my chin but I didn't look away from him.

"Do you miss her?" I whispered.

"Every day. But I can see past it now. I have let her go, as much as I can," Dad replied, his face open and honest. His fingers trailed through my hair again. I knew he would hate to see it all be cut off as well.

"Are you happy?" I asked him, my heart in my throat. My Dad had done everything in his power during my whole life to make me happy. I just wanted the same for him as well.

"Yes, because of you Sarah, I'm happy," he assured me and I felt my heart slow down. He was happy and so was I. I smiled at him.

"I love you Dad," I told him and meant every word. He smiled at me and it was a sunny smile. It was my smile, the one he always gave me when he was happy with me. It was my favourite smile

"I love you too Sarah."

I was still learning about myself and how to handle the fact that not only was a fifteen year old girl without a mother but that I was a fifteen year old girl who was a werewolf as well. But I wasn't frightened. I knew my father would protect me from everything he could, from pale angels to imprints and normal human stuff as well. I may not have had the chance to know my mother but would never be alone. He held me tighter on the couch.

I felt safe in his arms.


	11. No Words  Charlie One Shot

**A/N: **Ok Charlie One Shot yay! I loved writing this it was so much fun. Thanks to Anoy who suggested this! Oh and if you see any spelling mistakes I apologize. Microsoft Word was acting up on this document for some reason and would not spell check certain parts of it. I've re-read it several times and I think I've caught everything but if you spot anything I've missed please let me know!

This is well and truly then end of this story now guys. Thanks again to all of you for your support and kind words. Ok go and enjoy :)

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><p><strong>No Words<strong>

As Chief of Police I'm used to handling bad news. Granted not as much comes my way as the big city cops but there is still a fair share. Car crashes, robberies gone wrong, I've seen them all before, seen the destruction they leave behind. I've held mother's hands while they cried over a lost child. I've informed children that they are now orphans. I know how to give bad news.

But receiving it is a whole other matter. My life has been fairly simple, fairly pain free. Except of for a whirlwind romance when I was young, I've never really felt the pain of loss. Until one night in La Push when I was sitting around a bonfire next to my oldest friend. When I was informed that my only child had been given a death sentence. That made loosing Renee seem like nothing more than a pinprick.

Bella had looked at me across that fire and I didn't know what to say. That was all right though. Bella and I had a way to communicating and it never really involved words. Looks, a touch to the arm, a warm meal, those were the ways we showed that we loved the other. So I knew she didn't mind that I couldn't speak just then. She would understand.

I couldn't speak for days. The thought that she was going to die, regardless of the fact that she was young and had her whole life ahead of her, killed me. Twenty three year old women shouldn't die that young. Daughters shouldn't die that young. But I tried to be strong for her. I tried to be strong for me.

Jacob wasn't handling it, we could all see that. I didn't know what to say to him, I left that to Billy. Billy had lost his wife; he would know what to say. Slowly Jake got stronger too or was just more able to hide his distress, I wasn't sure. It didn't matter. I saw the way he looked at my daughter and the way she looked at him. I don't think he realized that the reason Bella was so strong was because he was by her side.

We never spoke about it, Bella and I. We never talked about the fact that her body was starting to waste away or that she would never see her thirtieth birthday. I brought her flowers instead and at first she insisted that I should not waste my money on her. I had shaken my head. It was never a waste. It was the only way I could show her I loved her. After the third bunch she must have caught on. She never asked me to stop brining them again.

Sometimes, when Jake was at work, I would just go round to her house and sit with her for hours. Maybe a handful of words would be exchanged before we would sit down on the couch, the television on. We would start out at opposite ends of the sofa but by the time it came for me to leave she would always be curled into my side, my arm around her shoulder. And those shoulders got thinner.

The chemo destroyed her body. Watching her get so weak and so skinny was torture. I couldn't help her; all I had was stupid flowers. Her hand was always cold when it touched mine and that frightened me more than anything else.

I remembered attending the scene of a suicide when I had only been on the police force a few weeks. The boy had been young and I can't remember his name. You would think that I would seeing as how he haunted me to this day, but I just can't. What I do remember is how lifeless his open eyes looked, how white his skin was against the bloody gunshot wound in his temple. How cold his hands were when I touched them. Bella's hands were almost as cold as his now. And it terrified me to no end.

I started to have nightmares. Dreams in which Bella's body was in place of the young boy's with the cold hands. I never told her about it, I didn't want to frighten her. But watching her waste away into nothing made me overly conscious of how little time she had. And then everything had changed.

She got engaged. She became Bella again. She was smiling and happy and full of life. She asked me one rainy afternoon if I would mind walking her down the aisle. I had told her I would with a simple yes, but inside I was over the moon. Jacob was making her _seem_ better; the idea of marrying him was making her _seem_ better. Maybe she would stop seeming to get better and actually get better instead. I couldn't help but to hope.

I remember ducking into that white tent and finding her inside with the biggest smile on her face. Her hair was thin but it still shone, her skin was pale but appeared to glow. Her eyes danced when she walked toward me in her white dress. Her hands were still cool but not as cold, or so it appeared to me. She was beautiful. Hope thrummed in my veins. Maybe, just maybe, Jacob could save her. If marrying him, being with him, produced this kind of an effect on her I didn't mind that it wasn't me saving her. So long as someone did. And if it was going to be anyone it would be Jake.

I walked her down the aisle on first beach in La Push. I placed her hand in his large one, watching his dark fingers thread through hers. Jacob was smiling too, the stress and weight of this disease was not evident in him just now. Not on this day. I squeezed their hands. He promised me with a nod he would look after her. I hoped that meant he could save her too, even though deep down I think knew it was futile. I couldn't help it. She was my only child, I had to hope.

They left for their honeymoon two days later. Billy and I had been able to scrap together just enough money to send them to California. I knew Bella would like that, being somewhere warm and sunny. But as the days went by with only a few quick phone calls my hope I had felt at the wedding started to ebb.

It was the mail that set it off. I was heading out to work when I went to the letter box and shuffled through the bills with angry red stamps on them. I had put off paying them for awhile I needed the money for the honeymoon and Bella's treatments. Under the stack of bills and the odd catalogue there was a shiny brochure. It was for a funeral home. I dropped it like it had burnt me.

I didn't go into work that day; instead I took my first sick day in years and sat on the couch making my way through every beer I could find in the house. When I ran out of beer I dug out the dusty bottle of whiskey I had gotten from Billy over a decade ago but had never touched. The television was on but I didn't see it. All I could think of was that I needed to do that, sort of a funeral. I needed to arrange a funeral for my daughter. Did I talk to her about it? Ask her what she wanted? The whole thing seemed too morbid to me. I couldn't discuss what color flowers Bella wanted with her. Or what type of wood she would want for her casket. The mental image of Bella in a coffin did me in. I shoved my whiskey on the coffee table and rubbed the back of my hand over stinging eyes. I think the hope died in me that day.

Bella and Jake came back from their honeymoon two days later and they were still smiling, still happy. I tried my best to pretend. But every time I saw her I kept thinking of her in that coffin, her hands icy. But I smiled and sat next to her at dinner. I laughed with them and spoke when I could. My eyes would fall to Jake a lot now.

Losing a child would be hard, I knew this. I had seen it tear families apart before in my line of work. I wanted nothing more than as much time as possible for Bella. But Bella was strong and determined. She was always stubborn and she had decided to not be scared of her cancer. But Jake was afraid. I didn't know how I would handle it when Bella finally passed but I knew how Jake would.

It would be bad, he was so hopelessly in love with her, so adamant that _something_ would come up and help her. He couldn't accept that nothing would. And clinging to the false hope that something would come up in time to save her would do nothing but hurt him more when she finally did go. Because she was going to die, I had no doubt about that.

But she was getting better and I could understand why Jake was so hopeful. She had gained a little bit more weight and did not sleep through out the day, but I didn't let it fool me. I had read countless websites about chronic lymphoid leukemia and I knew there was no cure. And this wasn't some fairy tale, there would not be a magical drug that would come out in time to save her. No I just wanted her to have as much time as pain free as possible. It scared me a little that that's what my hopes and dreams for my daughter had wittled down to. That she could stay strong enough to walk across a room or feed herself. I hoped that nothing major would come up to make Bella worse.

So you can understand why I was so angry when Jake and Bella were sitting on my couch not a month after they were married to tell me that Bella was pregnant. I rememebered Renee when she was pregnant. She had been throwing up everywhere and slept for hours on end. When she was awake she would switch from sobbing into my shirt to screaming at me for leaving the toilet seat up in a heartbeat. Bella couldn't go through that, not now.

I was certain they thought I was angry at them for the fact that Bella was pregnant, but it was more because of the conformation that she would loose more time. I didn't want a grandchild from Bella only to have her die before she even got the chance to hold it. Bella was my child and I wanted to protect her but the way she looked at me with such determiation in her eyes I knew nothing I would say would change her mind. So I relucantly gave them my blessing. After they left I bit the bullet and started reseaching funeral homes online.

Over the next few months the Bellaness practally flowed out of my daughter with every passing day. Her eyes no longer defined her pretty face, her sharp cheekbones did. Her body swelled with pregnancy but her arms and legs were like twigs. Her skin went from china doll poerclin to sickly pale. But what really did me in was the loss of her hair. It was the only part of me that you could see on Bella and now it was gone. I played it cool when I first saw her with no hair, stayed strong for her because I knew it was what she needed from me. But when I drove back from La Push I was forced onto the side of the road because I couldn't see. The whole world had turned blurry.

She got put on bedrest and I visited her everyday, always with flowers in hand. I had to let her know that I loved her. She had so little time left, I had to make certain she knew. She would always smile at me when I arrived and hold my hand while the other would flutter over her belly. I walked into her room once to find her holding a single flower from the most recent bunch I had brought her, inhaling deeply, with tears on her face. Even though she was crying it made me smile. I knew that she knew what I was trying to say.

I knew I shouldn't have been drinking that day but I needed to let go just once. Billy and I had sat in Emily's kicthen drinking beer after beer and giggling like school boys while we stole cake from behind Emily's back. Bells and Jake had arrived just after nightfall and Sam's party had got into full swing around the bonfire. It felt good to let go off all the stress and worry of the last two years. Billy must of felt so too because he hugged me from his wheelchair and told me he thought my moustache was sexy. Jake was sitting next to me and he had practictally choked on his food when he heard that. I just laughed.

But at the sound of a agonised gasp I had sobered up at a rapid rate. Bella's face was a twist of pain, her eyes panicked. I only mangaed to get to my feet but somehow Jake had already scopped her up and ran her toward his car. She caught my eyes as Jake sprinted her past me and I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. She looked so scared, so vunerable. I wanted to reach out and touch her but before I could even take a step in her direction she was gone.

Sam had grabbed me, pulled me toward the cruiser. I pushed the keys into his hands, there was no way I could drive. I kept craning my neck backwards trying to see her but it was too dark and Jake's headlights were too bright. All I could think was that this was it, she was going to die tonight. And I wasn't ready. Why didn't I say the words instead of bringing her flowers? Flowers were not enough to tell your daughter that you cared for her, loved her. I cursed my akward nature bitterly.

Seeing her her in Jake's arms at the hospital's emergency bay just about brought me to my knees. I thought she was dead already. She didn't move, her eyes were closed and her blood stained her limbs a horrid bright red. I wanted to scream and shout and push my way to her but I couldn't. My feet wouldn't move and my ears buzzed loudly. I was going to vomit or pass out, I wasn't sure which.

They took her away on a gurney and slowly my feet came back to life. I tried to follow her but she got lost into the sea of doctors and patients. I grabbed ahold of the cool walls, sinking into a hard plastic seat. Why hadnt I spoken to her? Why did I spend my lat day with her drinking with Billy instead? Even though I had prepared for this I felt numb inside and at the same time I felt sick. The ringing in my ears would not stop. I sat there for what felt like hours until Sam arrived, pulling me to my feet. He all but dragged me down a hallway and I let him. My daughter was dead, I was certain. I didn't care where I went. Something inside me was screaming but it never reached the surface, never pushed past my lips.

I was shoved into a small box of a waiting room. Embry was there and he told me my daughter wasn't gone, not yet. The hope I thought was dead flared back to life in my chest. Jake wasn't talking, his hands were still covered in blood. I turned from him. I couldn't sit still and so I had paced that small room over and over. She was alive, she had to stay alive. I had a second chance, I had to tell her what she meant to me.

The nurse who is always there for Bella's treatments came in and when she said that Bella was stable my heart just about leapt out of my chest. I had time now, I had been given my second chance. She lead us away, Jake and I, took me to see my first grandchild. I had never really allowed myself to think much on the fact that I was going to become a grandfather. My focus had been on Bella, not the child she was carrying. But meeting Sarah for the first time changed that instantly.

She was a tiny thing all wrapped up in pink. And she was beautiful, just like Bella was when I first held her all those years ago. Jacob passed her to me with inexperienced hands and I was surprised at how easily I fell back into the habbit of holding a baby. I looked down at the little bundle in my arms and all I could think was that my daughter had a daughter.

She was almost an exact cardboard cut out of Jacob but that didn't bother me. I knew Bella would be in there too, after all Bella looked exactly like Renee but her personality and the way she thought was all me. Sarah may look like Jake but looking down at her little face I was certain she would be just like Bella on the inside. Just like me.

The nurse took us away, lead us into another tiny room where Bella lay. I felt bile rise in the back of my throat looking at her in that bed, hooked up to a million machines. But still she smiled, tried to reassure me that she was all right. I opened my mouth to tell her what I had despratley prayed for the time to but the words got caught in my throat. I couldn't say it. It felt llike I would be telling her goodbye. I mumbled some excuse about Renee to get out of the room.

I knew she needed me but I couldn't go back there. I was a coward, I couldn't face her. I made my way down the the emergency bay where my cruiser was still parked, lights flashing and doors open. The keys were still in the ignition and ignoring the fact that I was under the infulence I stepped on the gas and floored it out of there. When I got home from the hospital I sank down onto my recliner and cried for an hour.

I couldn't deny the fact that Sarah brought joy to Bella's life. And as she grew I saw what I had suspected in the hospital. Sarah was just like Bella. I fell in love with that little girl, thankful that a part of Bella would be left behind after she was gone. Sarah could do anything and I would still love her. She pulled on my moutsache and poked curious fingers into my eyes. It didn't matter, she was a miricale. I loved her unconditionally like I did my daughter.

Bella never got better though after the birth. She got sicker and sicker and though I saw her almost evey day I still could not summon the courage to talk to her. I couldn't understand it. I faced danger almost every day on the police force. I was trained to deal with lunatics and death threats. But I could not bring myself to tell Bella I loved her. I didn't want her to think I had given up, that I was saying goodbye. That all hope was gone even though in reality it was.

Watching her at Sarah's first birthday party was hard. She couldn't walk now, not really. The physical pain she was in kept me up at night. I was scared to sleep, terrifed I'd be woken by the phone rining to say that she was gone and I hadnt been there. I went around to her place the day after the party, the morphine drip already in her arm.

Jacob looked like a broken man. I sat across the bed from him and held her cold hand. I had to do something, say something. I couldn't stay scared like this. Jacob was like a son to me and I loved him as much as I loved Bella. I swallowed hard and ran my fingers over Bella's smooth skull. I told him I was glad Bella had chosen him over Cullen, that he had fixed her, loved her. As soon as I had I felt guilty. Why could I say thease things to Jake but not to her? I was starting to despised myself for being so terrified of her. I couldn't help but to wonder if she hated me too.

I didn't sleep for three days after that. I was actully sent home from work by my colleagues. They knew what was going on, I could see the pity in their eyes. I wandered around my house by myself, ignoring the constant ringing of the phone that could only be Billy. I didn't want to answer the phone. If I did then it would only be to tell me that Bella was gone and I couldn't face that just yet. I wandered from room to room and I kept thinking of all the times Bella had cooked for me in my kitchen or had curled up on the floor to do her homework while I watched the game. I felt empty inside, I felt alone inside. I felt like I was failing her and I hated myself for it.

I panicked when I finally answered the phone and got the call I had been dreading. It was Billy and all he said was my name and I knew. She was going. I don't remember hanging up the phone or jumping into my car but the next second, or so it felt, I was racing toward La Push my heart beat thrumming in my ears. I sped all the way there, some small part of me thankful that the day was sunny and dry. If it hadnt of been I would of crashed for sure. All I could think was not yet, not before I get there. I have to say goodbye.

I pushed my way into the house, not bothering to knock. There were people everywhere but I didn't see them. They were not important to me. I made my way up the familiar hallway to her bedroom. Jake was standing outside with a far away look on his face. I don't think he saw me anymore than I saw the other people around us. Sarah turned to look at me from his arms and her eyes, so like Bella's, made me feel like I was on fire. I didn't say anything to Jake, I didn't reach out to Sarah, I just wrapped my hand around the handle of the door and burst into her room. _Please don't be gone yet._

Her eyes were closed and for a horrible moment I feared I was too late. My eyes heated as I stepped toward her. My heart felt like it had been shocked when she opened her eyes, my breth rushing out of my lungs. And she smiled at me, reaching out a hand. I sat on the side of the bed but I didn't take her fingers in mine.

Her breath rattled in her lungs. I recongised it instantly I had heard it before from victims smeared across the highway. They called it the death rattle. My eyes stung and I couldn't stop the tears that fell from them. Her eyes were shining, her face fushed. She almost looked healthy by some cruel trick. She reached out again and I steeled myself and took her hand. I almost dropped it with shock. She was warm. For the first time in years Bella was warm.

With sudden clairty I relaised that Bella wasn't the boy with the cold hands. She was Bella, my Bella and she felt warm. It didn't matter that it was the trick of a fever, at long last Bella's hands were warm again. I took some small solace in that. I forced myself to look into her eyes.

I could see her as she was when she was little, clinigng to my knees. When she laughed so hard at the dinner table that milk came out of her nose. The way she folded herself into me onto the couch, resting her head on my shoulder. How she laughed on the phone when Jake would call her and her cheeks would be stained ever rosy. She reached up and with wonderfully warm fingertips she brushed a tear away from my face.

She was still smiling at me, still trying to assure me that everything would be ok without words. She always did that, tried to look after me. Her fingers squeezed mine and she nodded at me. The fear that had been my constant compaianion for almost three years left me. How had I been so stupid? Bella knew me, she knew how hard it was for me to say things. And with that little nod, her eyes full of love, I knew she didn't care. She didn't care that I couldn't say the words because I had never needed too. Not with Bella, my daughter, who was so like me in so many ways. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.

I leant forward on the bed and kissed the top of her head. I heard her breath catch in her throat and slim arms wound their way around my waist, squeezing hard. I scooped her up and held her to my chest. _Bella, I love you_, I thought. And I knew she knew it. I knew she loved me too. I let her go with reluctance, setting her down softly on the white pillows. We had always had our own way of communicating. I realized now that it was not a fault, but an asset. It was special thing between Bella and I, something unique and one of a kind.

We looked at each other for what felt like an indeterminable amount of time. We didn't say anything, we didn't need to. We had never needed words to tell the other how we felt. So I said nothing, and neither did she. I could see eveyrhting she felt for me in her eyes and I knew she could see the same in mine. It was the perfect way to say goodbye to each other.

It was our way.


End file.
